


the whole world fits inside of your arms

by shahha



Series: Playing House [2]
Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-16
Updated: 2018-06-01
Packaged: 2018-08-15 10:05:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 60,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8052127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shahha/pseuds/shahha
Summary: Collection of one shots set in the Playing House universe





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> baby boy Krieger joins the family

He’s only minutes old and he’s already so different from his big sister. While Madeline was born a week late, baby boy Krieger comes a week and a half early. While Madeline’s labor lasted for hours, they barely have time to drop her off with Ali’s parents and get to the hospital before the new baby makes his grand entrance (Ashlyn resists the urge to tell Ali that it’s because she insisted on doing her makeup at home even though her contractions were five minutes apart). While Maddie wailed upon entering the world, announcing her presence, his cries are so quiet they can barely hear him.

 

“He’s so small,” Ashlyn notes, cuddled up next to Ali and the baby in Ali’s hospital bed. “I forgot how small babies are.” She smiles, tearing her attention away from the baby to look at Ali. “You are so amazing.”

 

“Keep going,” Ali says, grinning as she meets Ashlyn’s eyes.

 

“Let's see,” Ashlyn says, playing along. “You’re strong and beautiful and smart and you make the cutest babies ever.”

 

Ali looks back down at the baby, still trying to wrap her head around the fact that he’s finally here. She experienced similar emotions with Maddie, especially since she was a first time mom, and she’s unsurprised to now know that those feelings never get old. “We have a son,” she marvels, studying every inch of his face as he sleeps peacefully in her arms.

 

“How in the hell are we going to potty train him one day?” Ashlyn questions. “I have no idea how the fuck they aim with those things.”

 

“Language, Ash,” Ali warns gently. “But I have no idea. I’m sure our brothers and dads will be able to help us out with that.” They’re quiet for a few moments again, enjoying these peaceful moments with just them and the baby. When he starts to wake up a little, Ali wordlessly passes him to Ashlyn, falling more in love with both of them as Ashlyn cradles him in her arms. “You are such a good mom,” she says, stroking the baby’s cheek as she watches them together.

 

“So are you,” Ashlyn replies, grinning.

 

“They’re pretty lucky kids, huh?”

 

“The luckiest,” Ashlyn agrees. Her eyes well up with tears for what must be the hundredth time in the last few hours as she looks down at her newborn son. His birth was such a whirlwind that it makes quiet, peaceful moments like these all the more special as they study their baby boy’s features, falling more in love with every passing second. He looks like Maddie--the Krieger hair and smile she's fallen in love with so many times over the years. But he has a bit of a different nose, a combination of Ali’s and their donor’s, a little identity of his own. He’s absolutely perfect and she can’t believe how lucky they are to be his parents. “Okay, okay, we need to name him before they bring Maddie in otherwise she’ll insist on naming him after a Disney princess and you know I can’t say no to her.”

 

Ali laughs so hard that she startles the baby awake and Ashlyn has to bounce him a little as he cries. When he’s finally calm again, they start discussing names. They have a few names they each like but Ashlyn is partial to Gavin while Ali likes Emmett the best. Even before he was born, they agreed that whatever name they pick needs to pair well with Christopher as a middle name, continuing the tradition of giving their kids family related middle names. They’d briefly wondered if Kyle would be upset that they didn’t use his name but they figured he already has Krieger genes and the last name to match so naming him after Chris will give him that connection to the Harris side. After a few minutes of back and forth, Ashlyn finally agrees to go with Emmett, convinced by Ali’s argument that it pairs well with Christopher as a middle name and sounds really, really good with Madeline. “Next one can be Gavin if it’s a boy,” Ali promises, kissing Ashlyn.

 

“I’m gonna hold you to that,” Ashlyn replies, grinning. “Emmett Christopher Krieger,” she whispers, looking down at the baby, testing his full name.

 

“See? It’s perfect--he’s perfect,” Ali says, looking lovingly at their newborn son.

 

They spend a few more quiet minutes together before Ashlyn puts Emmett in his ‘little brother’ onesie, getting him ready so they can bring Maddie in. When she finally greets their families in the waiting room, she beams with pride as she announces that both Ali and the baby are doing great and they’re ready to bring Maddie in to meet her little brother. They want Maddie to meet him first but she brings Kyle back to the room as well, appointing him as their official photographer. She straightens Maddie’s ‘big sister’ shirt she she settles her onto her hip, carrying her back to their room. “Ready to meet your little brother?” she asks.

 

“Big sissy,” Maddie says, proudly pointing to herself.

 

For all of their mental preparations for this moment, all the times they’d imagined it during Ali’s pregnancy, nothing could have prepared them for the multitude of emotions when Maddie and Emmett meet for the first time. Ashlyn starts crying almost immediately as she sees Maddie’s eyes go wide with excitement at the sight of her little brother. She meets Ali’s eyes for a moment, taking comfort in the fact that Ali is struggling to hold tears back as well.  Kyle hangs at the back of the room, taking pictures and videos as Ashlyn and Maddie join Ali and Emmett on the bed. “This is your baby brother Emmett,” Ali says, trying to stop her voice from cracking as they all sit together as a family for the first time.

 

“Baby bubby,” Maddie whispers, immediately trying to hug her brother.

 

“Gentle, okay?” Ashlyn reminds as Maddie plants a kiss onto Emmett’s forehead. “I can’t handle this, she breathes, wiping tears from her eyes as she turns slightly to see Ali doing the exact same thing. They make eye contact again for a moment, just long enough to take comfort in the fact that they’re not alone in their emotions before refocusing their attention on their babies.

 

“I want to hold him,” Maddie declares, sitting up straight and reaching for the baby. Ashlyn helps get her settled between her and Ali, showing Maddie how she has to support his head before Ali gently settles him onto Maddie’s lap.

 

“Remember to hold his head up,” Ashlyn says gently, her hand hovering right underneath Emmett’s head in case Maddie doesn’t provide enough support. “Good job,” she encourages when Maddie mimics her actions, using her own hand to support her brother’s head.

 

“He’s little,” Maddie giggles, using her free hand to try to tickle him.

 

“You were that little when you were born,” Ali notes, laughing when Maddie’s eyes go wide in disbelief. “You were so small and you couldn’t talk yet, just like Emmett, but Mama and I loved you so much already just like we love Emmett already.”

 

“I love Em too,” Maddie says, already dubbing him with a nickname. “Uncle Kyle, look,” she says, waving Kyle over.

 

“‘Kay, I’m just gonna take him home with me,” Kyle jokes, taking his nephew into his arms.

 

“Nice try, get your own,” Ashlyn replies, grinning.

 

Kyle doesn’t take too long with Emmett before returning to their waiting room to get everyone else, knowing they’re all eager to meet the newest member of the family. When they arrive, Maddie very proudly introduces everyone to Emmett although she stumbles over his name just a bit so Ali and Ashlyn clarify for their parents and Chris.

 

“What’s his middle name?” Chris asks, looking at the baby in Tammye’s arms.

 

“Funny you should ask…” Ali begins, looking at Ashlyn, wordlessly telling her to do the honor of telling him.

 

“It’s Christopher,” Ashlyn finishes, smiling proudly at her older brother.

 

“Really?” Chris asks, grinning.

 

“Really,” Ali confirms. She nudges Ashlyn as they watch Chris try to discreetly brush tears away from his eyes. “That’s the same face you made when I told you Maddie’s middle name.”

 

“It’s okay, buddy,” Ashlyn comforts, moving around to the other side of the bed to pull her brother into a hug.

 

“That means a lot to me, thank you,” Chris says in a rare moment of seriousness. He claps Ashlyn on the back as they pull apart, both smiling at each other as Tammye passes Emmett to him. “Hey, little guy,” he coos, stroking Emmett’s cheek. “You’re a little outnumbered but don’t worry, Kyle and I are pretty cool uncles and Grandpa and Papa are great too. Your moms and big sister are okay too, I guess.” He smirks, winking as he meets Ashlyn’s eyes.

 

\---

 

It doesn’t take long to recognize that Madeline and Emmett have a special bond--much like her moms have with their own brothers. As soon as they get home, she wants to play dress up with him and is extremely disappointed when Ali tells her he’s too small to play to play dress up. When she disappears into her room, they assume she’s pouting and decide to give her a few minutes to cool off before they try to talk to her, to explain that Emmett will be able to play with her one day but he needs to get bigger first. Needless to say, they’re very surprised when she returns to the living room just a few minutes later with a bunch of different toys in hand, including her favorite stuffed shark. Other than the shark, they’re mostly toys she hasn’t played with since she was a baby.

 

“What do you have?” Ali asks gently, testing Maddie’s mood.

 

“Baby toys,” Maddie replies as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. She drops most of the toys onto the coffee table and stands in front of Ashlyn who is cradling Emmett in her arms on the couch. “For Em,” she says, gently putting her stuffed shark, Nibbles (as Ashlyn had dubbed it one day), onto Emmett’s chest.

 

“That’s so nice of you to share your favorite toy, thank you,” Ashlyn encourages, her heart swelling with love at how good Maddie has been about sharing their attention with Emmett so far. They’ve spent so much time the last few months preparing Maddie for the fact that the new baby would need a lot of attention when he was born. They weren’t sure how much she understood but they always assured her that the new baby needing attention wouldn’t mean that they loved them any differently. So far, though they just brought him home after the overnight stay in the hospital, she’s adjusting well and taking her role as big sister very, very seriously.

 

Maddie turns her attention to the toys on the table, selecting a rattle before moving back to the couch, climbing onto Ali’s lap. “Hi, Mommy,” she says, snuggling close to Ali. “There no baby in your tummy anymore?” she asks, resting her hand on Ali’s stomach.

 

“No, not anymore,” Ali says. “It’s still kinda big though, huh? It takes a while to go back to normal.”

 

“Oh,” Maddie says, looking over at Ashlyn and Emmett as she moves her hand away from Ali’s stomach, putting it on her shoulder instead.  “I love bubba,” she says dreamily, haphazardly shaking the rattle that's clutched in her fist.

 

“I love bubba too,” Ali replies, kissing the top of Maddie’s head. “And I love you,” she says, kissing her again. “And I love Mama,” she adds, leaning over to kiss Ashlyn.

 

“I love Mama too,” Maddie says.

 

“My sweet girl,” Ashlyn says, running a hand through Maddie’s hair. “I love you so much.”

 

When Emmett wakes up a few minutes later, Maddie proudly shows him all the toys she brought down for him, telling him that he’s too small to play dress up but he can play with these baby toys. Eventually, Ashlyn settles him onto the little play mat on the floor and curls up next to Ali as they watch Maddie interact with her little brother.

 

“She’s already so good with him,” Ali says.

 

“Did you ever think it was possible to be this happy?” Ashlyn questions, closing her eyes as Ali gently tickles her arm.

 

“Not in a million years,” Ali replies honestly. “We have two gorgeous babies who clearly adore one another and I have the most beautiful and supportive wife in the whole world--what could be better?”

 

“Three gorgeous babies?” Ashlyn guesses, smirking, eliciting a laugh from Ali.

 

“Too soon, my uterus just winced,” Ali replies, still laughing. “I’m so happy you’re already on his birth certificate and we don’t have to worry about the adoption process again.”

 

“Yeah, in hindsight you were so in love with me the first time that you should’ve just put me on Maddie’s from the start too, huh?”

 

“Hey, you were in love with me too,” Ali playfully protests.

 

“Worked out pretty well, don’t you think? Three years and another kid later.”

 

“That really puts things into perspective,” Ali notes. “Like, it took us so long to finally get together but once we did we didn’t waste any time.”

 

Ashlyn hums, trying not to fall asleep as Ali tickles her arm.  

 

“Mommy, Mama, look, he’s holding my hand,” Maddie exclaims, lifting her hand up a little to show that Emmett is gripping her finger tightly.

 

“Look at that,” Ashlyn coos. “He loves you.”

 

It’s not long before Ashlyn starts to drift off again and Ali decides that they’re all in need of a nap so she gently nudges Ashlyn awake and moves to get Emmett off of the floor so she can nurse him before they go upstairs for their nap. “You hungry, little guy?” she asks, settling him in the crook of her arm as she sits back down on the couch.

 

“Mommy used to feed you like that,” Ashlyn says, pulling Maddie onto her lap when she curiously makes her way over to watch Ali feed Emmett.

 

“Is he eating mac and cheese?” Maddie questions, eliciting a laugh from both of her moms.

 

“He’s drinking milk,” Ashlyn replies.

 

“Is it chocolate?”

 

“No, baby, it’s not chocolate. That would be so cool though, wouldn’t it?”

 

“Can I have chocolate milk, Mama?”

 

Ashlyn nods, letting Maddie lead the way into the kitchen as Ali continues nursing Emmett. “Don’t tell Mommy but I’m going to make this extra chocolatey since you’ve been such a good girl with Emmett,” she says, getting Maddie’s cup and lid out of the cupboard before getting the milk and chocolate syrup out of the fridge. She doesn’t add too much extra chocolate from how they usually make it but it’s enough to make Maddie’s eyes light up when she sees how much Ashlyn puts in. They’ve read all the parenting books and talked to friends and family, particularly their own parents, on how to best transition Maddie from being an only child to an oldest child and from everything they’ve heard, it’s imperative to do things that make her feel special--even if it’s something small like giving her extra chocolate in her chocolate milk. She’s always been their sole focus, their most important priority so while she now needs to share their attention, they need to make it clear to her that she’s still special and important and still one of their two biggest priorities. “How do you like being a big sister?” Ashlyn questions, putting the lid on Maddie’s cup.

 

“Good,” Maddie says, taking the cup from Ashlyn. “But he’s too little to play,” she mumbles around her straw, shrugging her shoulders.

 

Ashlyn takes a seat next to her at the counter, watching as Maddie drinks her milk. She’s only three and sometimes they marvel at how much she has learned in just the last six months. Even since her birthday a few months ago, her language skills have improved so much and she seems to understand so much more. She’s starting to string longer and more complex sentences together and now they very rarely struggle to understand what she’s saying. “I bet he can’t wait to play with you,” Ashlyn says, rubbing Maddie’s back as she drinks. “You’re our big girl now,” she adds, smiling when Maddie lights up at her compliment.

 

Five years ago, if someone told Ashlyn that she would be married--to Ali, no less--with two kids before she turned 30, she would have thought they were crazy. Sure, she she wanted a family if she found the right person, but it wasn’t something she dreamed about--at least, not like Ali used to dream about it. Back then, she filled her free time with skateboarding and surfing and spending time with friends. Now she spends her free time chatting with her three year old daughter over chocolate milk while Ali nurses their newborn son in the other room.

 

“Mama, I’m sleepy,” Maddie says, rubbing her eyes once she’s finished with her milk.

 

“Me too, honey,” Ashlyn replies, helping Maddie off of the stool. “Let’s go get Mommy and Emmett and take a nap, okay?” When they make it back to the couch and find both Ali and Emmett both already asleep, Ashlyn quickly snaps a picture of them on her phone before gently waking Ali. She takes Emmett from Ali’s arms and helps her off of the couch, leading the way upstairs to their bedroom. Maddie doesn’t want to leave Emmett’s side when they get in bed so it takes some convincing when they tell her that he can’t sleep in the bed with them but she can sleep next to the bassinet.

 

“Night, Em,” Maddie says, gently kissing his cheek before Ali puts him into the bassinet. She curls up on the far side of the bed and watches him intently until she too falls asleep.

 

\---

 

Having two kids is hard. After the first few blissful days, the stressful reality of their situation finally sinks in. Emmett, although quiet and calm, somehow needs even more attention than Maddie ever did. At first, they’re confident that they can handle it with ease--after all, Maddie wanted to be held all the time too--but after a few weeks, Maddie all but demands to be held by the same mom that’s holding her brother, not wanting to feel left out. They let it slide the first few times, knowing the transition must be hard on her, but when she throws a temper tantrum when Ali can’t hold her while nursing Emmett one day, they know they need to talk to her.

 

“Honey, honey,” Ashlyn says gently, trying to calm Maddie down. She leans forward to try to pick her up off the floor but is swatted away.

 

“Madeline Michelle did you just hit Mama?” Ali demands, her voice firm and unwavering. Emmett, bless his heart, is completely undisturbed by his big sister’s antics and continues nursing peacefully.

 

“I want you to hold me,” Maddie sobs. “I don’t want Mama,” she adds.

 

Ashlyn looks down at the floor, willing herself not to cry at Maddie’s words. She knows she doesn’t mean it but it still hurts, especially since Maddie has always looked to both of them for comfort. She’s always prided herself on knowing exactly how to calm her down so this is uncharted territory for her.

 

“She doesn’t mean it,” Ali whispers, looking up at Ashlyn and taking her hand. She then turns her attention back to Maddie who is still sobbing on the floor. “Look at me, Madeline,” she says, getting Maddie’s attention. “We don’t hit, do you understand me? If you don’t want Mama to hold you, you have to use words. You don’t hit her.”

 

Ashlyn crouches down next to Maddie and meets her eyes. “I was just trying to help, baby. Mommy has to feed Emmett so she can’t hold you right now,” she says, watching Maddie’s eyes well up with tears again. “Sweetheart,” Ashlyn says, pulling Maddie close (she doesn’t protest this time). “What’s wrong?”

 

“Mommy holding Emmett not me,” Maddie says once her tears subside.

 

“Can’t I hold you until he’s done eating?” Ashlyn asks gently.

 

Maddie shakes her head and Ashlyn knows she needs to try a different tactic.

 

“You know you’re still our special girl, right? Emmett needs to be held a lot right now but that doesn’t mean we love you any less. You’re still our baby too and I’m sure Mommy would love to hold you right now but she has to feed Emmett first, okay? That way he’ll get big and strong so he can play with you.” Her words seem to have the desired effect on the three year old as she finally stops crying and relaxes in her arms. Ashlyn lets go for a second, just long enough to stand up, before taking Maddie in her arms again and sitting on the couch with her right next to Ali and Emmett.

 

“Maddie,” Ali says gently, running a hand through Maddie’s hair. “I think you owe Mama an apology for hitting her.”

 

“Sorry, Mama, I love you,” Maddie mumbles against Ashlyn’s chest.

 

“It’s okay, baby, I love you too,” Ashlyn replies, pressing a kiss to Maddie’s forehead. She seems a little tired so Ashlyn gently rocks from side to side, lulling Maddie to sleep in her arms.

 

“Guess it’s naptime,” Ali whispers, gesturing to Emmett who has now finished nursing and is sleeping against her chest.

 

“Good, princess here definitely needs it,” Ashlyn replies. “That was so weird; I’ve never not been good enough for her, you know?”

 

“That wasn’t about you,” Ali assures. “You know how it’s been the last few days--she just wanted me because I had Emmett. She has FOMO.”

 

“I wish there was a way to make this easier on her.”

 

“Well it certainly doesn't help that they're both super cuddly. Which I'm not complaining about, obviously, but I am blaming it on you,” Ali says.

 

“Me? Why would you blame that on me?”

 

“Because you always smothered my bump when I was pregnant. I think they got used to it and now they want to cuddle all the time.”

 

“Okay, well, you’re welcome,” Ashlyn sasses, looking down at their sleeping kids. “Because we’ll miss this when they’re teens and don’t want anything to do with us.”

 

“I don’t even want to think about that,” Ali groans. She lays her head on Ashlyn’s shoulder as they watch Maddie and Emmett sleep in their arms. She’s so quiet and still that Ashlyn thinks she’s fallen asleep as well until she speaks again. “Part of me wishes we could stay in this moment forever when our babies need us and part of me just wants to survive this so we can have a better balance between them and us again,” she muses aloud. “It’s weird, like, we’re always together but I miss you, you know? I miss having the time to focus on us.” She pauses, waiting for a response, but is met only with sniffles. “Are you crying?” she asks gently, turning her head a little to look at her wife.

 

“Only a little,” Ashlyn replies. “You just perfectly summed up my feelings.” She pauses, taking a shaky breath as she settles herself. “We’ll make it through--we always have and we always will.”

 

“I love you, Ash.”

 

“I love you too, Alex,” Ashlyn replies, grinning. “How about this: since it’s their first time ever taking a nap at the same time, why don’t we go put them in their rooms and take a bubble bath together and just talk? Take a little time for us while we have the chance.”

 

Ali doesn’t respond. Instead, she gingerly gets off the couch, determined not to wake Emmett up as she moves. Ashlyn follows her lead and they make their way upstairs together, only parting to put the kids in their rooms. Maddie, although she doesn’t wake up, clings to Ashlyn’s neck when she tries to put her down and Ashlyn feels a little guilty as she gently moves Maddie’s arms and puts her in her bed, knowing they both need a little extra loving after the morning they had. But she and Ali need some alone time too and as much as she wants to cuddle Maddie through her nap, she needs to take advantage of this rare opportunity for alone time with her wife.

 

“I’m always right here, honey, Mommy and I are both always here,” she whispers. She kisses Maddie’s forehead, lingering for a little longer than she otherwise might. The last few weeks have been an adjustment for all of them and although they know Madeline loves her little brother, they also know that it hasn't been easy for her to share their attention. As much as they've tried to make her feel special (Ashlyn usually takes her when she goes on grocery and diaper runs), they've still struggled to find the balance between two kids who need them for very different reasons. They're well aware that Maddie’s emotional needs right now are no less important than Emmett’s needs so they've both worked to find the perfect balance. Maddie taught them everything they know about being parents--she taught them about patience and making the best of the time they have as a family but also as a couple and individuals and she taught them about the purest, most unconditional love they ever could have imagined. Although she can now do most things independently, she still needs them as much as they need her and need each other.

 

“I love you, my baby girl,” Ashlyn whispers, kissing her forehead one last time before quietly exiting the room and closing the door behind her. When she makes it to the master bedroom, Ali is already waiting in the bathroom, filling the tub with water. “Well hello, beautiful,” she says, taking in Ali’s naked form.

 

“Hello yourself,” Ali replies, grinning as Ashlyn strips her clothes. When Ashlyn is completely bare, she closes the gap between them, resting her hands on Ashlyn's hips as she draws her in for a kiss. It’s a little too soon to have sex after giving birth so as difficult as it is to stop themselves, they stick to kissing as they sit in the tub together, pulling apart before they take things too far.

 

“This is exactly what we needed,” Ashlyn muses as she leans against the tub sitting across from Ali. She swirls her hand through the bubbles as she inhales the pleasant aroma. “I think I need a bubble beard,” she says, scooping up some of the bubbles and putting them under her chin, eliciting a laugh from Ali.

 

“Please, you haven’t needed a beard since your high school boyfriend,” Ali jokes, laughing again as Ashlyn’s mouth drops open in faux offense.

 

“Uncalled for,” Ashlyn deadpans. Her serious expression combined with the bubble beard makes Ali laugh even harder which, in turn, makes Ashlyn laugh until they both have tears streaming down their cheeks.

 

“I need a bubble crown,” Ali says, gathering some of the bubbles and putting them on top of her head.

 

“The prettiest queen in the whole world,” Ashlyn says, leaning forward to kiss Ali again. When they pull apart, Ali has bubbles on her chin and Ashlyn smiles at the adorable sight. “Come over here and cuddle with me,” she demands, settling back into her spot so Ali can sit on her lap. Ali seems all too happy to reply with the request and as soon as she’s in place, Ashlyn wraps her arms around her from behind and rests her chin on her shoulder.

 

They’re not exactly sure how they get so lucky that both kids manage to sleep for so long but after soaking and talking for over an hour, they’re already out of the tub and dried off by the time they hear Emmett’s faint cries over the baby monitor. “I’ve got him,” Ashlyn offers, making her way to Emmett’s room. She’s in the middle of changing his diaper when Maddie enters the room, rubbing the sleep from her eyes with balled up fists. “You want to help change Em?”

 

Maddie nods and makes her way to where Ashlyn is standing at the changing table, reaching to be picked up so she can help.

 

“Here, hold his feet up so I can put the diaper on,” Ashlyn says, showing Maddie what to do. Once the diaper is in place, she guides Maddie’s hand to fasten it, making sure it’s tight enough so it won’t leak. “Look at you, you’re so good at that,” she compliments. Remembering the issue earlier, she settles Maddie on her hip and tells her to hold on so she can pick Emmett up. Once Emmett is secure in the crook of her arm, she puts her other arm around Maddie and carefully makes her way downstairs, finding Ali cleaning up in the living room.

 

“There’s my family,” Ali says.

 

“Mommy, I change Em’s diaper,” Maddie exclaims, jumping down from Ashlyn’s grasp to greet Ali.

 

“You did?” Ali questions brightly. “Was it stinky?”

 

“Yeah, it was yucky,” Maddie says, giggling.

 

“She’s such a big helper,” Ashlyn says brightly as she passes Emmett off to Ali so she can nurse him. “I think she wants to come help me at the store. Maybe if she’s a good girl we can get ice cream after.”

 

“Mama, please,” Maddie begs, her eyes wide. “I’ll be good.”

 

Ashlyn sends her upstairs to get dressed and takes a seat next to Ali and Emmett, knowing that princess Madeline takes after Ali in how long they take to get dressed. “See? We'll always make it through even when it's hard sometimes.”

 


	2. date night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ali and Ashlyn go on a date, leaving Chris at home to babysit

“Okay, Chris,” Ali begins, mentally running through everything her brother-in-law might need of know. “List of important phone numbers is on the fridge. The freezer is full of frozen milk supply for Emmett if you need it but try to use the bottles in the fridge first. He goes down around 7:00 and Maddie goes down around 8:30 or so. We’ll be home around 9:00.”

 

“Ali,” Chris say evenly, stopping her rambling. “I babysat two weeks ago, I remember the drill.” 

 

“Right, right. Okay then, Ash, let’s go,” Ali says, taking her wife’s hand. Three months after Emmett’s birth, they’d decided that they needed to start carving out a little more time for them as a couple. As a result, they started going on dates every other week, entrusting their kids with family or friends while they take a few hours to themselves. They’ve been successful so far and even though it’s only an evening every other week, they both feel more relaxed and more connected than they did before the bimonthly dates started. Tonight, they’re going out to dinner and on a sunset boat tour, going for something a little more fancy than they usually choose. 

 

“Thanks again, Chris,” Ashlyn says, letting Ali lead her towards the door. She calls Maddie downstairs to say goodbye before they leave, waiting patiently in the entryway. 

 

“Bye Mama, bye Mommy,” Maddie says, hugging their legs when she finally makes her way to them.

 

“Be good for Uncle Chris--Mommy and I want nieces and nephews some day and we can’t scare him from ever having kids, okay? Actually, while we’re gone, maybe you can convince him to propose to his girlfriend so they can get a move on.”  She crouches down, pulling Maddie into a hug before stepping aside for Ali’s turn. 

 

“Love you,” Ali says, leaning down for a hug and a kiss. 

 

“Love you, Mommy.”

 

They take a few more moments to say goodbye, even doubling back for a last snuggle with a fussy Emmett before finally heading out the door, walking hand in hand to the car. 

 

\---

 

“Wow, this place is nice--I’m surprised we’ve never been here before,” Ali marvels as they walk in the upscale seafood restaurant on the ocean. Ashlyn gives their name (‘Krieger for two’ still makes Ali smile even after over a year of marriage) and the hostess leads them to a small table along the many windows that overlook the Atlantic ocean. 

 

“Here you go, Queen,” Ashlyn says, pulling out a chair for Ali. When she takes the seat across from her, Ali’s looking at her in such a way that makes her heart flutter as she grins at the attention. “What?” she asks curiously as Ali stares at her with a dreamy expression on her face. 

 

Ali shrugs, her face lighting up with a nose crinkling grin. “You’re adorable and I’m so lucky you’re mine.” 

 

“You trying to get into my pants?”

 

Ali laughs, taking Ashlyn’s hand across the table. “That depends--is it working?”

 

Ashlyn pretends to think for a moment as she rubs the back of Ali’s hand with her thumb. The lights in the restaurant are dim and romantic, basking Ali in a heavenly glow. She’s always found Ali beautiful, that much is a given, but since they’ve had kids, she finds her more and more beautiful each day. She’s fallen in love with Maddie and Emmett’s features time and time again which, in turn, makes her fall in love with Ali’s own features in a whole new way. The captivating whiskey colored eyes the three of them share. The wide, bright smile. The dark brown hair. She loves it all and nothing,  _ nothing  _ is more beautiful to her than seeing the woman she loves so much reflected in their children’s faces. “Maybe a little,” she finally answers. Ali just flutters her eyelashes in response, knowing the perfect way to get to her wife. “Okay, maybe a lot.”

 

After a few minutes of chatter and flirty glances, they finally turn their attention to the menus, picking their favorite seafood dishes and selecting a wine to pair well with them. Ali’s still nursing so they agree that they’ll each stop at one glass of wine before switching to water. 

 

“I wonder how Chris is doing,” Ashlyn muses, holding her wine glass up to her lips as they wait for their dinner. 

 

“I have no idea,” Ali replies, grinning as Ashlyn slowly sips her wine. “It’s always interesting coming home after he babysits because he either had great control over the situation and the house is pristine or everything’s a complete disaster area. There’s no in between.” 

 

“God, you’re so right,” Ashlyn laughs. At least when their parents babysit, they’re fairly confident that everything will go smoothly and they’ll return to a nice, tidy (for them) house and freshly bathed children. Chris, however, loves playing with the kids and often loses track of time so it’s never surprising when it looks like a hurricane blew through their living room when they get home. As long as no one ends up in the hospital and nothing is permanently damaged, they’re completely fine with his babysitting methods, loving the bond he has with his niece and five month old nephew. 

 

As always, there’s no shortage of things for them to talk about throughout their meal. On these date nights, they often focus on themselves and each other rather than on the kids who demand their full, undivided attention when they’re at home. So they talk about work (albeit briefly). They talk about the crime documentary they watched on HBO earlier in the week, still amazed that the events actually happened. They talk about little plans like what they might do over the weekend and they talk about bigger things like what to do for Ashlyn’s birthday in a few weeks and what their halloween costumes should be now that they’re a family of four. 

 

“If only we had three kids so we could go as The Incredibles,” Ashlyn notes. “Or the Belchers.”

 

“I know,” Ali agrees. “We have to save those for when we can do them right.” Finally after minutes of back and forth (somehow, most of their ideas work best either for a family of three or a family of five), Ali suggests the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, laughing as Ashlyn’s eyes go wide in excitement. “I’ll take that as a yes then?” Ali verifies, giggling at Ashlyn’s face. 

 

“Alex, that’s perfect. I can’t believe I didn’t think of it.”

 

“That’s why you have me as the mastermind,” Ali replies. “I’m sure Maddie will want to be Donatello so she can wear purple.” 

 

They easily agree that Emmett should be Michelangelo but can’t quite agree on who gets to be Raphael, their personal favorite. The debate is playful, as many of their conversations tend to be, and they maintain a quick repartee as they each argue their points, countering everything the other comes up with.

 

Ashlyn eventually wins the debate (which is a little unusual because she usually caves and lets Ali win) on the grounds that Leonardo is the oldest and often the leader of the clan which she argues is perfect for Ali and that she should get to be Raphael. Plus, she has Raphael boxers so she’s clearly more of a fan than Ali is which she notes with a smile. 

 

“Oh, god, you still have those things?” Ali asks. “I thought I threw them out ages ago.”

 

“Is that where they went? I bought new ones because I couldn’t find them. Maybe if you’re nice to me I’ll wear them Halloween night after I take off my costume.”

 

“Please don’t,” Ali replies, eliciting a laugh from Ashlyn. “I think our sex life might never recover from that.”

 

“You think I’m hot no matter what,” Ashlyn counters, rolling her eyes. “You make me wear those damn Santa boxers every Christmas.”

 

Ali smirks. “Yeah, well, your butt looks good in them. Besides, you make me wear the Mrs. Claus thing so it’s only fair that you have to wear something too.”

 

“Oh now you try to flatter me,” Ashlyn says, rolling her eyes. She reluctantly returns her attention to her food, knowing that they don’t have much more time to waste if they want to make the sunset cruise on time. They eat in relative silence for the next few minutes, only talking to mention how good the food is and that they should come back sometime. By the time they pay their bill, they only have about ten minutes before the boat leaves so they quickly slip off their shoes and walk hand and hand down the beach until they reach the dock. The boat is rather small but by the time they leave, it’s almost full with other couples and families. 

 

“This is beautiful,” Ali comments, laying her head on Ashlyn’s shoulder as the motor whirrs to life and the boat slowly departs from the shore. “A beautiful wife and a beautiful sunset on the ocean--what could be better?”

 

“Nothing could be better,” Ashlyn replies, kissing the top of Ali’s head. After a few minutes of standing at the railings and taking in the sights quietly, they agree to take a photo of another couple together and ask them to return the favor after they get the perfect shot. When it’s their turn, they stand side by side with their arms around one another, smiling for the photo as the sun sets behind them. They thank the other couple and return their attention to the sunset, savoring these peaceful moments together without any distractions or responsibilities. 

 

“I swear, if we weren’t already married I would ask you to marry me right now,” Ashlyn says, taking in the beautiful pinks, purples, oranges, and blues of the sunset--so many vibrant colors reflecting off of the water below. She turns to look at Ali who, in her opinion, is more beautiful than any sunset.

 

“Hi,” Ali says sweetly, turning to meet Ashlyn’s gaze. She snakes an arm around Ashlyn’s waist, pulling her close. “I’m so glad we started making date nights a regular thing. I mean, you know I love our babies more than anything but I also love having quality time with you.”

 

“It’s the perfect balance,” Ashlyn agrees. “Actually, I’ve been thinking that maybe we should start thinking about a night away sometime soon. Maybe for New Year’s? As great as these evenings away are, it would be even better to not have to worry about little ears when we get home.” 

 

“That would be perfect, actually. Emmett will be old enough for us to take a night away by then and we could certainly use a night to ourselves. Maybe if we’re lucky we can get two nights away.”

 

“Whoa, don’t get too crazy now,” Ashlyn laughs. “God, remember how hard it was leaving Maddie for the first time?”

 

“How could I forget? I almost changed my mind a hundred times but I had a pretty hot date that night so I guess it was worth it in the end.”

 

“Tell me more about this hot date you had,” Ashlyn prods, smirking. 

 

“Well,” Ali begins, tapping her chin as if she’s trying to remember the details, as if she doesn’t remember everything vividly, the memories permanently etched into her mind as the week that changed everything. “She was a little taller than me but not so tall that I couldn’t kiss her outside the restaurant. She had a killer suit on that I couldn’t wait to take off of her at the end of the night. Oh, and she just happened to be the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. It’s a shame things didn’t work out with her.”

 

“Yeah, it’s too bad you didn’t marry her and have another baby with her or anything. Could’ve been a real love connection.” 

 

“You’re cute,” Ali says, leaning forward for a kiss. The linger for a moment, caught up in the beauty of their surroundings but pull apart soon enough, aware of the other passengers milling about. The ride doesn’t last nearly as long as they would like and before they know it, the sun has set and they watch as the shore comes back into view. 

 

The drive back home only takes about twenty minutes so when they walk in the front door, they’re unsurprised that Maddie is still awake and right there at the door to greet them. What is surprising, however, is Chris standing behind her with pink, purple, and blue glittery hair clips in his hair, lip gloss on his lips, and (terribly) painted hot pink nails. 

 

“Was it drag night or something?” Ashlyn quips, stifling a laugh at the sight of her older brother. 

 

“Very funny,” Chris huffs, crossing his arms. 

 

“I made Uncle Chris pretty,” Maddie proudly announces, oblivious to Ashlyn’s ribbing. 

 

“I see that,” Ali replies excitedly. “He looks very pretty.” She winks at her brother-in-law who is clearly trying his best to suppress a groan, not wanting to make Maddie feel bad. 

 

“Hang tight, big guy,” Ashlyn says, gesturing for Chris to sit back down on the couch. “We’ll get our little makeup artist to bed and show you how to take that stuff off, okay?” 

 

Getting Maddie to sleep is a bit of a struggle as she wants to recount her entire night, telling them all about the things she did with Chris and Emmett. They listen to most of her stories, of course, but eventually have to stop her, telling her that she needs to go to sleep and they’ll listen to the rest in the morning. When they make their way back downstairs after making a pit stop to change and get nail polish remover, Chris is picking at picking at his nails, trying to get the cheap polish from Maddie’s play makeup kit off. 

 

“Here, this will help,” Ali says, tossing him the wipes. 

 

“You’re a lifesaver, thank you,” Chris replies, taking one of the wipes out of the plastic tub and rubbing it over his nails. 

 

“How did that even happen anyway?” Ashlyn asks, taking a seat next to her brother. 

 

“She wanted to give a makeover,” Chris replies. “It was either me or Emmett and I figured this crap might be dangerous for a baby so I took one for the team. I’ve been like this for  _ hours _ because she wouldn’t let me take it off. Besides, I never would’ve known what to use to remove it and I didn’t want to go through your bathroom. I actually kind of forgot it was there for a while so that was nice, I guess. Oh, but we did have a little nail polish spilling incident. She didn’t put the cap back on and, well, it spilled on the floor. I think I got it all up though,” he says, pointing to the spot on the floor right next to the coffee table.

 

“See, I told you we should’ve waited until she was a little older to get the play makeup kit,” Ashlyn says, checking out the spot Chris is pointing to, ensuring that he got everything off of the floor. 

 

“Says the woman who tried to teach our three year old how to contour,” Ali deadpans, rolling her eyes. 

 

“I had to teach her before you did because I’m better at contouring than you are,” Ashlyn counters, missing the dirty look Ali gives her. 

 

“Anyway,” Ali begins, focusing on Chris again, “no wonder Maddie loves when you babysit. Were they good for you at least?”

 

“Oh, of course,” he answers. When he’s finally satisfied with the lack of polish on his nails, he focuses on getting the hair clips out of his hair, dropping each one onto the end table as he removes them. “Emmett was an angel as usual and Maddie was her persistent self about the makeover thing but, other than that, there weren’t any problems. Seriously, if all kids were like yours, I’d probably start a family tomorrow.”

 

“Thanks, Chris, that means a lot,” Ashlyn replies, patting her brother on the back. “You old softie.”

 

“Yeah, yeah, that’s what they all say. How was your night?”

 

“It was amazing,” Ashlyn answers. “Not over yet but, you know, so far it’s been great.”

 

“Oh, say no more,” Chris says, running a hand through his hair again to make sure he’s got all the clips out. He makes his way over to the bookcase, gathering his keys, wallet, and phone from one of the high shelves before moving back towards Ali and Ashlyn, giving each one of them a hug as he says his goodbyes. 

 

“That was priceless,” Ali laughs, locking the door behind him as he leaves. “Did you take a picture of him?”

 

“No but I did screenshot his snapchat story,” Ashlyn answers. She shows Ali his updates chronicling his makeover adventure which is capped off with a shot of him and Maddie together, both smiling and showing off the finished product. It’s adorably captioned with ‘best buds’ and the painted nails emoji. 

 

“He’s so good with them,” Ali comments, smiling at the image. She reaches down to help Ashlyn off of the couch and leads her to their bedroom, more than ready to continue with their date night plans. Both kids are still sleeping so they quietly close and lock the door behind them before making their way to the bed. By now, it’s much easier to be quiet during sex than it is for them to remember that they can be loud when they have the house to themselves so there’s no worry about waking the kids up as they perfectly cap off their date. Ali’s nearing thirty and has given birth to two babies so although she keeps in shape, there are still aspects of her body she’s had to learn to love again. Ashlyn, however, never seemed to stop loving her body. In fact, she seems to love it more and more the older they get and always pays special, loving attention to the areas she knows Ali’s insecure about, like the faint stretch marks across her abdomen. 

 

“You are so gorgeous,” Ashlyn breathes, placing gentle kisses up and down Ali’s torso. It’s already well beyond their normal bedtime and Ashlyn knows Emmett will be up in a few hours for a feeding and diaper change so she doesn’t tease Ali for too long but she does take long enough to fully appreciate her wife’s body--something they don’t often have time for anymore with two kids. She buries her head in the nape of Ali’s neck when she makes her come, loving the way Ali’s entire body reacts to the stimulation. After a few seconds, Ali’s entire body goes slack and she curls up in Ashlyn’s arms, pressing a gentle kiss to her jawline. 

 

“I love you.”

 

“I love you too, Alex.” 

 

“Thank you for being the best date tonight and every night,” Ali says, running her hand through Ashlyn’s hair. “Well, except for the contouring comment--don’t think you’re off the hook for that yet.”

 

“Didn’t I just make it up to you?”

 

Ali shrugs, considering the question. “Maybe a little,” she admits. “But I think a second round would do the trick.” 

 

It works. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed!


	3. if I ever get the nerve to say

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> all the different ways Ashlyn almost tells Ali how she feels

 

15.

If you ever get the nerve to tell Ali how you feel, maybe it’ll go a little something like this: a late night spent talking and laughing, singing and dancing. A night just like any other summer night for the two of you, sneaking out and sitting in front of the Smiths’ boulders watching the waves crash to the shore as you talk until the sun comes up. You’ll tell her how you feel in the same place you kissed a few months earlier, the memory of her soft lips on yours lingering in your mind exactly 94 days later (but, really, who’s counting?). Maybe it’ll happen as you swim in the ocean together, splashing each other playfully. You’ll pull her close, like you’re going to dunk her under the water but instead of antagonizing her, you’ll hug her and whisper your feelings in her ear, hoping for the best. You’ll tell her that she played a big role in you realizing you like girls, that your crush on her forced you to examine your life, to find out who you really are. But neither of you knows that she likes girls--not yet, anyway--so you push the idea to the back of your mind, not wanting to ruin the best thing that’s ever happened to you.

 

Almost.

  
  
17.

If you ever get the nerve to tell Ali how you feel, maybe it’ll go a little something like this: you’ll ask her to prom. Not as a friend, no, but as your date. You’ll wear a suit, feeling more and more comfortable with your self expression with each passing day. She’ll wear a dress, beautiful no doubt, and that’s how it will start. You’ll ask her in a cute way: a bouquet of flowers in your hand and a nice dinner you’ll save up for for weeks. You’ll ask her to be your date. You’ll tell her it’s something you’ve thought about for a long time and that you’d be honored to take her to prom. She’ll say yes (hopefully) and when you have kids someday, you’ll smile and her eyes will light up as you tell them how beautiful their mom looked that day. How gorgeous and stunning and wonderful she was and still is. You’ll dance all night together, her with your corsage and you with her boutonniere and you’ll be the talk of the night. But then Zach asks her to prom before you can muster up the courage.

 

Almost.

  
  
17.

If you ever get the nerve to tell Ali how you feel, maybe it’ll go a little something like this: a tearful goodbye before she leaves for school, all her belongings packed in the car for her new adventure two hours away from where you’ll embark on your own. You’ll tell her all of the things you dread telling her: goodbye, I’m always a call away, don’t you dare go and make a new best friend and forget about me as you become a star player for Florida’s nationally ranked soccer team. You’ll tell her you’ll miss her, of course, and you’ll make plans to visit once she’s all settled. When her parents head to the bathroom before the drive, you’ll take the moment alone to tell her how you feel, how your feelings extend beyond those of friendship. You’ll take her into your arms and kiss her tears away and whisper a whole new set of promises in her ear: always, forever, no matter how far. But when her parents head back inside to give you two a moment alone, Ali immediately starts sobbing at your impending goodbye and you know it’s not the right time. You settle for drying her tears with your thumbs, gently swiping them away. You still tell her you love her, of course, but you don’t tell her you _love_ her.

 

Almost.

  


21.

If you ever get the nerve to tell Ali how you feel, maybe it’ll go a little something like this: a drunken confession on New Year’s Eve. She’s having a party at her apartment with Carm and what better way would there be to ring in the new year than with a new beginning of your own? It’s your senior year and this is the first time you’ve both been single at the same time in a few years and if you don’t do it now, you never will. You’ll take a few shots, lessening your nerves, and you’ll ask her to be your midnight kiss. You’ll kiss her when the clock strikes midnight and you’ll tell her all the things you’ve wanted to tell her over the years. You’ll spend your last semester at school dealing with the distance, missing her more than ever, while you make plans to move in together once you’ve both graduated. Orlando, Gainesville, back home, New York, Beijing, hell, you’d live on the Moon if it meant being with Ali. But then Ali spends the night flirting with one of her school’s baseball players and your plan suddenly unravels. You spend the rest of the night sulking until you finally go to bed, claiming to have a stomach ache (to be fair, seeing Ali with someone other than you does make your stomach hurt). When Ali joins you hours later, she’s drunk and giddy as she curls up into your side, asking if you’re feeling any better. Maybe almost isn’t so bad, you think as you cuddle close to her, breathing in the fruity scent of her shampoo. But still,

 

Almost.

  


24.

If you ever get the nerve to tell Ali how you feel, maybe it’ll go a little something like this: you’ll tell her Matt is no good for her. They’re on a break right now, their latest argument stemming from the fact that he’d avoided her calls all weekend. You’ll hold her close and promise to take care of her forever. You’ll tell her you don’t trust him and that he doesn’t deserve her attention, let alone her love. She’s beautiful and funny and kind and she shouldn’t be crying over someone who doesn’t value her. You will finally confess that you’re in love with her and have been for an entire decade. You’ll tell her that she’ll never have to wonder about whether you care or not, about if you’ll answer her calls and texts. She will never have to feel this way if you’re the one who gets to be that person for her. You’ll replace her tears and anguish with happiness and a future you’ll plan together. But then she and Matt make up. It was a misunderstanding, his phone was broken and he didn’t have time to get a new one. They make up and you don’t know it yet but your lives about about to change forever.

 

Almost.

  


24.

If you ever get the nerve to tell Ali how you feel, maybe it’ll go a little something like this: a late night talk with her belly, ensuring that the baby girl she’s expecting will recognize your voice when she enters the world. You’ll tell the baby you love her, as you do every night before bed, and you’ll scoot up towards the head of Ali’s bed and tell her the same. The words will be the same as always, the same as the thousands of times you’ve said them over the years but you’ll make sure she knows that you’re in love with her and have been for a while. You’ll tell her that you want to be with her and that if she’ll let you, you’ll be the baby’s mom too. You’ll assure her that you will always be there for both of them, that you’d be blessed to be her girlfriend. And just like that, her baby will become your baby too and little Charlotte or Madeline or Olivia will never know anything but her moms loving each other. It’s been a long time coming and it’s something you have to do. So you will push aside your fears that she doesn’t feel the same and tell her you’re in love with her. But by the time you’re finally done telling the baby your story of the night, Ali is already sleeping and you don’t have the heart to wake her.

 

Almost.

  


25.

If you ever get the nerve to tell Ali how you feel, maybe it’ll go a little something like this: you’ll hold Madeline in your arms, the spitting image of Ali, and you’ll tell her how much you love her Mommy, how you long to be with her. Ali will stand in the doorway, watching the two of you together and while you’ll pretend to not notice her, you’ll speak just loud enough for her to hear. It would be easier that way, pretending you’re having a casual chat with Maddie as you confess your true feelings for your best friend. Or maybe you’ll do it in the middle of the night, laying your entire heart on the line as Ali nurses Madeline. It’ll be beautiful and simple, heartfelt and emotional. There’s no doubt it will be the most important confession you’ll ever make so you’ll take your time finding the exact right words to tell the two most important people in your life that you want them to be yours. You want everything with them: the good times and the bad,  a lifetime of love and laughter, of little arguments and more kids down the line. You’re not just here temporarily, a placeholder until someone else steps into your role, you’re in this for the long haul. But Ali is a little frazzled and exhausted as she nurses Madeline. Being a new parent is hard and stressful enough without adding a new relationship to the mix so you bide your time a little longer, waiting for the moment that will change everything.

 

Almost.

  


25.

When you finally get the nerve to tell Ali how you feel, it goes a little something like this: your jealousy gets the better of you and she’s more angry than you’ve ever seen her. You argue with quiet voices, conscious of the baby sleeping in the next room as Ali rips you a new one. To be fair, you had acted like a petulant child as you stormed your way up to your room after coming face to face with her date who looked a hell of a lot like you. You thought it was a mind game, thought it was her toying with your feelings but her shock when you mention this tells you that you’ve missed the mark completely. She hadn’t noticed that you and Catherine looked alike and you feel like a real jackass for acting the way you did. The time has come, though, and you know you can’t put off this confession any longer. You tell her everything you’ve wanted to tell her, that you’ve loved her for a long time but thought she wasn’t interested. She feels the same way, you learn, and the vitriol with which you spoke to each other at the beginning of your argument turns into a playful competition of who is more attracted to whom. She tells you to kiss her and you’ve never heard such a beautiful sentence in your life. That is, until a few minutes later when she tells you to take her to bed. And then a few days later when she encourages Maddie to crawl to you, referring to you as Mama for the first time, the casual mention of your relationship with Madeline sending shivers down your spine. When you finally get the nerve to tell Ali how you feel, it's imperfect, so unlike all the romantic and thoughtful ways you’ve imagined telling her over the years. But when she falls asleep in your arms, sated from showing and telling one another how you feel, you wouldn't have had it happen any other way.

 

Finally.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was really different for me to write especially in the context of this universe so let me know what you think! 
> 
> It was inspired by one of the comments on the main story so thanks for the suggestion, 2Loverz :)


	4. three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the journey to expanding their family doesn't quite go as planned

 

The third time is definitely not the charm. Neither is the fourth or the fifth or even the eighth time. After eight attempts at a third baby in twelve months, Ali is starting to lose hope that they’ll ever have another baby. At first, they’d been so hopeful--the ease at which she got pregnant the first two times lulling them into a false sense of security during their first round of IUI. When the first test came back negative, they stared at each other in disbelief and started to work through this new type of disappointment they’d never experienced before. By now, they’ve tried everything, having switched to IVF treatments for the seventh and eighth tries, and they’ve yet to conceive. The cost has been as close to astronomical as it can get without completely destroying their savings but the emotional toll has been much, much worse.

 

“Al, please don’t cry,” Ashlyn says, wrapping her wife of four years in a hug after they listen to Doctor Lee’s message, finding out yet again that Ali’s hCG levels were too low to indicate pregnancy.

 

“I can’t help it,” Ali chokes out, sobbing as she snuggles close to Ashlyn’s chest. “I just think that maybe we aren’t meant to have another baby.”

 

“Honey,” Ashlyn says gently. “Of course we’re going to have another baby. We’ll keep trying or we’ll find another way, okay? It’s all going to be okay.” She holds Ali close, feeling her tears seep through her shirt as she cries.

 

Ali takes a deep breath, trying to steady herself. “I’ve failed over and over again. I don’t know if I can do it anymore.”

 

Ashlyn pulls back a little, a gentle hand resting on Ali’s cheek as she meets her eyes. “You have not failed, not at all. Sometimes it just takes a bunch of tries, okay? Besides, we have so many wonderful things in our lives, right? We already have two beautiful, healthy kids, we have each other, and we have amazing family and friends. It’s going to be okay.”

 

Ali sighs, searching Ashlyn’s face for any hint of disappointment. “Do you even want this?” she asks quietly, suddenly wondering if Ashlyn’s lack of disappointment is because she doesn’t actually want another baby, that her heart isn’t in this.

 

“What are you talking about? Of course I want another baby. Why would you think I don’t?” Ashlyn asks, simultaneously confused and hurt by Ali’s question.

 

“I don’t know, I guess you just never seem as upset about the negative tests.”

 

“Alex,” Ashlyn says, her tone calm and gentle despite feeling hurt by Ali thinking that she doesn’t care. “Of course I’m disappointed and of course I’m sad but I can’t put that on you, not when you’re already so upset. We’ve always been like this--one of us stays calm while the other freaks out, and this is no different. There’s nothing I want more than to have another baby with you, okay?”

 

“I think we should take a break from trying for a while,” Ali suggests.

 

“Jesus, Alex, please never start a sentence with ‘we should take a break’, you damn near gave me a heart attack,” Ashlyn says, putting her hand to her chest to calm herself at the scare. Ali laughs despite the situation and Ashlyn relishes the sound, confident that Ali will be okay.

 

“Sorry,” Ali mumbles, leaning forward to kiss Ashlyn’s forehead.

 

“What if I carry?” Ashlyn offers.

 

“Be serious. You’ve never wanted to be pregnant.”

 

“No, maybe not, but that doesn’t mean I’m not completely serious,” Ashlyn replies, taking Ali’s hand. “I would do anything for you, for our family. We still have an embryo left--why don’t we try IVF with me and see if that works?”

 

Ali studies Ashlyn’s face, trying to gauge if she’s offering because she wants to or because she feels like she should. “So you want to try reciprocal IVF with the embryo we already have?”

 

“It might be worth a shot,” Ashlyn says, shrugging. “Tons of shots, actually,” she adds, mentally shuddering as she thinks about the actual prep and procedure. But it would be worth it, both to add to their family and to give Ali a break from all the stress of trying to get pregnant.

 

“Can we think about this for a while?” Ali requests. “It sounds like a great idea but I don’t want you to rush into something like this. So let’s just take a few days and consider it, okay?”

 

Ashlyn nods, fulling understanding where Ali is coming from. She’s never really thought about carrying a baby before so it is something she should think long and hard about before jumping into. Ali enjoyed being pregnant the first two times so although Ashlyn has never ruled out the idea of carrying one day, it simply wasn’t something she’d seriously considered because it seemed like a given that Ali would carry all of their kids. Now, circumstances have changed a little and it might be their best option--at least emotionally, anyway. While she’s positive that Ali will eventually get pregnant if they keep trying, it’s certainly worth looking at other options to give Ali a break. If it works, Ashlyn would be more than happy to carry a baby for them and, if it doesn’t, they can always switch back to Ali when she feels emotionally ready again.

 

\---

 

They continue to weigh their options for the next few days whenever they have moments alone (mainly after Maddie and Emmett are in bed) and even consult with Doctor Lee, asking her position on the reciprocal IVF idea. She prefaces her answer by saying that they have just as good of a chance getting pregnant if they continue trying with Ali but agrees that it’s worth a chance, appreciating that they have the luxury of being able to switch who carries if they want.

 

“So are we doing this?” Ashlyn asks as they go over their options one last time. Maddie and Emmett have been in bed for over an hour and they’ve spent the entire time discussing this potential new avenue.

 

“Are you really, really sure you want to do it?” Ali questions. “If it works, you'll have to--” she begins but it cut off by Ashlyn.

 

“If it works, I'll _get_ to carry a baby for us. I know it's not something we've ever discussed before but it would be an absolute privilege for me. Please believe me when I say that.”

 

“And you're sure you don't want to try IUI so we can have a baby that looks like you?”

 

Ashlyn shrugs. Truthfully, it doesn't matter to her whether or not they ever have a baby with her genetics. Maddie and Emmett don't have any of her genes and she can't imagine that she would feel any differently about them if they did. It's not something she really ever thinks about--they’re her kids no matter what DNA they have. “If the IVF doesn't work then we can try IUI but it doesn't matter to me one way or the other. Is it important to you?”

 

“I don't know,” Ali sighs. “I mean, the kids will all be siblings no matter what but it would be kind of cute to have a baby that looks like you. You were such a cute kid and I’d love to see your features on a baby. But, then again, we’re probably done having kids after this and I’d feel weird letting the last embryo go to waste, you know?”

 

Ashlyn nods her agreement. She's quiet for a moment, trying to figure out what to do. “How about we try IVF first and if that doesn't work, we’ll try IUI? If IVF works, then that’s wonderful that all our kids will look like you but if it doesn't, we could try for one that looks like me. Either way, we’ll end up with another baby somehow and that’s all that really matters.”

 

“I love you so much, you know that, right?” Ali says. She leans forward, pressing a gentle kiss to Ashlyn’s lips.

 

“I love you too,” Ashlyn replies, resting her forehead against Ali’s when they break their kiss. “That’s why I’m willing to do whatever it takes to have another baby with you. Well, that and we need to bless the world with more baby Kriegers.”

 

“Okay, let’s do this,” Ali finally decides. “It might be nice to experience this from the other side this time.”

 

“Yeah, it’ll be easy for you because you can kick back and relax.”

 

“And wait on you hand and foot,” Ali adds, grinning.

 

“I’ll hold you to that.”

 

\---

 

Ashlyn’s round of IVF is unsuccessful and although they’re disappointed, they have a renewed sense of hope after switching to her to carry. Then, sixteen months after they first started trying for another baby, they finally, _finally_ get a positive pregnancy test after her first round of IUI. They’ve gotten so used to bad news that neither one can believe what’s happening when Doctor Lee calls them to come back to her office when the results come in. The office usually gives the results over the phone so being called back is strange in and of itself.

 

“Are you serious?” Ali asks, hand covering her mouth in excitement. “It worked?”

 

“Her hCG levels were exactly in the range we want for fifteen days post insemination,” Doctor Lee confirms, nodding.

 

“Ash, you okay over there?” Ali asks, controlling her excitement for a moment to look over at her speechless wife who looks like she might throw up (which might actually be the case since considering she is pregnant).

 

“It worked,” she sobs, her shoulders shaking as she begins to cry. “We did it, we’re having another baby, Alex.”

 

Ali starts crying at the sight of Ashlyn crying, getting out of her chair to pull Ashlyn into a hug. They’re so wrapped up in one another that they don’t notice Doctor Lee excuse herself from the room, giving them a moment to celebrate privately.

 

“How do you feel, pregnant lady?” Ali questions, brushing Ashlyn’s tears away.

 

“Happy.” She smiles, pulling Ali in for a kiss. “So, so happy.” She pauses, kissing Ali again as everything sinks in. “Oh my god, I have no idea how to be pregnant what the hell do I do?”

 

Ali giggles as she rests her forehead against Ashlyn’s. This moment has been a long time coming and she’s not surprised that Ashlyn is freaking out a little. After all, she’d spent her entire first trimester with Maddie freaking out. “Don’t worry, your body does all the work for you.”

 

“I guess now you’ll get your baby that looks like me, huh?”

 

“I’m so excited,” Ali exclaims, sitting down on Ashlyn’s lap. “I hope it has your dimple and your smile and your nose and, well, your whole face. Think you can manage that?”

 

Ashlyn laughs, holding Ali close. “I’ll see what I can do,” she says as Dr. Lee enters the room again.

 

“I'm so happy for your two,” she says, smiling as they stand up and each pull her into a friendly hug.

 

“Thank you so much,” Ali says. “I know you're probably sick of us by now.”

 

“I'm not sick of you,” she replies. “Of course, we were all hoping it wouldn't take so long which is mostly why I wanted to give you the good news in person. We’ll still need to see you back for follow up beta tests but I wanted to give you this first one in person.”

 

“I can't believe it finally worked,” Ali sighs, laying her head against the headrest once the get into the car. “I was beginning to think Maddie and Emmett would be in high school by the time we had another baby.”

 

“Oh God, wouldn't that have been something,” Ashlyn laughs as she starts the car. She navigates towards their house, drawing a curious look from Ali when she pulls into the drug store parking lot. “Just a little pit stop,” she promises.

 

They walk hand in hand inside the small store as Ashlyn leads the way right to the home pregnancy tests. “Ash, we already know you're pregnant,” Ali says gently.

 

“I know, I just want to take a test at home and see for ourselves. Which one did you use for Maddie?”

 

Ali shrugs, perusing the shelves for a second before she spots the brand she used when she found out she was pregnant the first time. It's been seven and a half years so although the packaging is now a little different, she remembers the brand name as soon as she sees it. She pulls one off of the shelf, handing it to Ashlyn.

 

“Okay, now we can go home,” Ashlyn says, grinning as they walk to the checkout counter together. The teenager at the register hardly makes eye contact as he rings up the pregnancy test, looking rather annoyed that they pulled his attention away from whatever magazine he was trying to sneakily read next to the register. They’re not particularly bothered by this (they remember how awful it was to work minimum wage jobs retail jobs) so they pay quickly and give him a genuine thanks before they make their way back the the car, Ashlyn clutching the small bag in her hand.

 

Maddie and Emmett are both at school--first grade and pre-school, respectively--so they have some rare alone time when they get home. As soon as they walk in the door, Ashlyn heads to the master bedroom to take the test and they both sit on the edge of the tub and wait anxiously for the results to pop up even though Dr. Lee has already confirmed the pregnancy.

 

“This is exactly where I was sitting when I found out about Maddie,” Ali notes. “Almost eight years ago--I can’t believe it.”

 

“God, I can’t believe it’s been that long,” Ashlyn marvels. “You sounded so scared on the phone it scared me to death.”

 

“Sorry about that,” Ali replies, resting her head on Ashlyn’s shoulder. “She’s turned out pretty great so far thanks to you; I can’t imagine what it would’ve been like by myself.”

 

Ashlyn hums, closing her eyes as she thinks about how amazing both of their kids are and wondering what this next one will be like. When the results show up on the little screen, she's unsurprised but incredibly relieved to see the positive test right in front of her confirming that this long, winding road was worth it in the end.

 

“I'm so excited,” Ali says, crying as she looks at the positive pregnancy test. They’d been lucky to get pregnant with Emmett on the first try so now the long wait for this one has made it that much sweeter and although this role reversal is a little strange, now she can't imagine this happening any other way. Sure, part of her is sad that she won't get to experience being pregnant again but she's thrilled that Ashlyn seems so excited about it and loves that they'll have a baby with her features. “I love you,” she breathes, helping Ashlyn up off of the tub so she can kiss her deeply. “And I love you, baby Krieger,” she adds, kneeling in front of Ashlyn and kissing her stomach.

 

“This is so strange,” Ashlyn says, smiling when Ali stands up.

 

“I know,” Ali agrees. “A good kind of strange though.”

 

\---

 

They decide to tell Maddie and Emmett about the new baby over dinner the day after Ashlyn’s third and final beta test. Three year old Emmett doesn't quite seem to understand what's happening but Madeline has been begging for another brother or sister for a while now and is almost as thrilled about it as they are.

 

“Is it a boy or a girl?” she asks, moving her broccoli around on her plate to get to her rice.

 

“We don't know yet,” Ali answers.

 

“I hope it's a girl. Trinity’s little sister is _so_ cute.”

 

“The baby will be cute no matter what as long as it looks like Mama,” Ali cheeses, grinning at Ashlyn.

 

“Will it be cuter than me?” Maddie asks.

 

“Just as cute,” Ashlyn promises.

 

“So it will look like Mama but Emmett and I look like Mommy? Why can't the baby look like Mommy too?”

 

“Because Mama is the one carrying the baby,” Ali answers. “We tried to have one that would look like me but it didn't work so Mama wanted to try for one that looks like her and it worked. Mama is carrying the baby in her belly.” She knows Maddie could handle and understand a more in depth explanation but Emmett is listening so she needs to explain things in ways he can understand too. Maddie seems satisfied with this explanation as she pushes herself away from the table, walking around to give Ashlyn a hug.

 

“Love you, Mama.”

 

“Love you too, baby,” Ashlyn replies, rubbing Maddie’s back as they hug. “You gonna teach Emmett how to be a good big brother?”

 

“Uh huh,” Maddie says as she sits back down. She looks at her plate dreamily before meeting their eyes again. “I hope it's a girl that looks just like you and then you should have a boy that looks like you so we can look like Mommy and they can look like you.”

 

“We’ll see, baby,” Ashlyn replies. She turns to Ali, rolling her eyes as Maddie returns her attention to her food. “She's such a little micromanager just like you are,” she whispers, eyebrows raised as she meets Ali’s eyes. Ali, who listened to the exchange with great interest, looks like she’s trying to hold back a smile but considering Ashlyn can see her tongue poking through her teeth, she’s doing a terrible job at covering it up. “You are way too amused by that.”

 

“Hey, she's a type A girl like me, what can I say? She just wants our family to be perfectly balanced.”

 

“Nice try, both of you. Let me live through this kid, ‘kay?”

 

\---

 

With a new baby on the way, they finally realize that it's time to move into a bigger home. They're reluctant at first and they discuss the possibility of the kids sharing rooms but ultimately decide that, as long as they can afford it, they want to give each kid his or her own room, especially for privacy as they get older and need more space. As a teacher, Ashlyn’s salary still leaves a lot to be desired but luckily Ali recently got an incredible promotion so although their bank account took a hit from all the fertility treatments, they can certainly afford an upgrade. Making matters a little easier is that Ashlyn’s cousin and his wife want to buy their house so it’ll at least stay in the family.

 

“I hate this,” Ashlyn says as they pack everything up ahead of moving day. “Everything happened for us here, I don’t want to leave.”

 

“Neither do I,” Ali agrees. “But we’ll be on the beach now and we won’t have to pile the kids on top of each other.”

 

“I know, I know,” Ashlyn groans. “Just let me be emotional--I can’t help it, it’s the baby.”

 

Ali rolls her eyes as she peeks in the next box of stuff. Their project for the day is cleaning out the attic as they decide what can be thrown away or donated and what they want to bring to the new house with them. “Hey, look, it’s Maddie’s baby clothes,” she says, pulling out some of the newborn girl clothes they held onto in case they ever had another girl. “Emmett’s stuff should be around here somewhere,” she adds, glancing around the cluttered space to find a box labeled ‘Emmett’s baby clothes’.

 

“Guess we have to keep all of it since we’re not finding out this time,” Ashlyn says, looking through the boxes of clothes as much as she can without unfolding everything and making an even bigger mess. They debated back and forth about if they wanted to find out the baby’s sex or not but ultimately decided they want it to be a surprise this time. They already have one of each and they tried to get pregnant for so long that they genuinely couldn't care less about the baby’s sex. “I’m gonna take these downstairs and check on how they’re doing packing up their toys,” she offers as Ali continues sifting through boxes. The boxes are fairly small and light (they are infant clothes, after all) so Ashlyn stacks both of them on top of each other and carefully makes her way downstairs and adds them to the keep pile in the living room. With that task completed, she heads back upstairs to check on how the kids are doing with their own packing.

 

“Can I come in?” she asks, using her knuckle to gently knock on Maddie’s partially open door. When Maddie grants permission, Ashlyn swings the door open to find her sitting on the floor surrounded by toys and empty moving boxes. “Aren’t you packing?” she asks, trying to figure out what she’s been doing all this time.

 

Maddie shakes her head, her long dark hair falling in her eyes. “I don’t want to move,” she declares. She reaches to her left, picking up one of her dolls, and begins playing with its hair, not meeting Ashlyn’s eyes.

 

“Can I tell you a secret?” Ashlyn asks, using Maddie’s bed to lower herself down on to the floor next to her daughter.

 

Maddie finally looks up, waiting for Ashlyn to continue with wide, excited eyes at the prospect of learning a secret.

 

“I don’t want to move either,” Ashlyn confesses. “This house has so many memories for me and Mommy.”

 

“And me and Emmett,” Maddie adds.

 

“Of course, you and Emmett too.” She pauses, wondering how to continue. “I asked Mommy to be my girlfriend in our room when you were a baby. And I told you I loved you for the first time in the kitchen while you were still in Mommy’s belly.”

 

“You loved me before you loved Mommy?” Maddie questions, a little confused by the timeline Ashlyn is creating.

 

Ashlyn smiles, putting her arm around Maddie’s shoulders. “I loved Mommy back when we were your age,” she says. On Maddie’s first day of first grade, both Ali and Ashlyn had a weird moment when they realized that they met each other when they were exactly Maddie’s age on their own first day of school. When they helped Maddie get ready for school that morning, they had a synchronized moment of realization that everything started for them when they were Maddie’s age which, if they're honest, seems impossibly young to meet one’s soulmate.

 

“And I loved you as soon as I knew about you,” Ashlyn adds, smiling at how interested Maddie is in this whole thing.

 

“You loved me even though I wasn’t born yet?”

 

“Of course,” Ashlyn replies, grinning. “Just like we love this baby even though they’re not born yet,” she adds, gesturing down to her bump. “This house was so great to us--you said your first word and took your first steps down in the living room,” she says, continuing with her story. “And Emmett took his first steps right here in your bedroom.”

 

“So why do we have to move?”

 

“Because we need more room for the baby. You don’t want to share your room with a baby who will wake you up crying, do you?”

 

“No, not really,” Maddie replies, shaking her head.

 

“And now we’ll get to live right on the ocean so maybe Mommy will let me teach you how to surf after the baby comes.”

 

“Really?” Maddie asks, face lighting up with excitement. She’s been asking to learn how to surf for over a year now but Ali has still been resistant to the idea. With Ashlyn’s pregnancy, the last six months have been a little easier because Ashlyn hasn’t been surfing herself so Maddie hasn’t been asking as much but they all know the desire is still there.

 

Ashlyn shrugs, not wanting to get her hopes up too high in case Ali still says no. “I think we can convince her eventually. Plus, we’ll get to make so many more memories in the new house and we’ll still be able to visit here whenever we want.”

 

“Is Jenson going to paint my room?”

 

“I think so, baby. It’s going to be his room now but I’m sure he’ll still let you play in here with him. Now you get a new room to decorate however you want and you know what, it’s even bigger so you’ll have more space for all your toys and clothes. But we can’t have any of that if you don’t pack things up in here, okay?”

 

“Okay, Mama,” Maddie replies, moving away from Ashlyn’s grasp a little to start putting her toys into the boxes that litter the room. It’s haphazard--not that they expected anything different from a seven year old--but they’d wanted her to at least pack her toys by herself instead of doing everything for her. They’d even tried to get Emmett to do some of his own packing but when Ashlyn opens the door to his room and finds him napping on the floor, she knows that they’ll have to do all of his packing for him. Although it means more work for them, the sight is pretty cute and she can’t help but take a picture of his sleeping position (he’s using one of his plastic trucks as a pillow) to show to Ali.

 

“Look at how your son is sleeping,” she says, holding out her phone when she climbs the stairs back to the attic.

 

Ali takes Ashlyn’s phone from her, laughing at the picture on the screen. “Why is he my son when he does weird shit like sleep on a dump truck?”

 

“Because you’re more of a weirdo than I am so there’s no way he gets that from me,” Ashlyn replies, taking her phone back.

 

“Please, you’re way more weird than I am. Plus, you like playing with that truck probably even more than he does so his affinity for it definitely comes from you.”

 

“Oh, you’re gonna play it like that, huh?” Ashlyn quips, closing the gap a little and leaning in for a kiss. She doesn’t want Ali to win this little debate so she decides to play her ace. “Well, I’m pregnant so you have to agree with me whether I’m right or not.”

 

“God, you are way more dramatic about this than I ever was,” Ali groans.

 

“You’re so full of shit,” Ashlyn laughs. “Or have you just blocked out the last few weeks before Maddie came?”

 

“That’s not fair,” Ali protests. “How about you go to 41 weeks and see how level headed you can be. Without having sex that whole time to boot. Of course I was a little cranky.”

 

“Well, see, that’s impossible because we had sex just last night.”

 

Ali hums, leaning in for a kiss. “We sure did,” she breathes just before crashing their lips together. Much like her pregnancy with Emmett, neither one has been able to keep their hands off of the other this entire time so while their opportunities for sex are rather limited with two kids, they certainly make the most of the time they do have. She takes the kiss a little deeper, trailing her lips down to Ashlyn’s collarbone when they hear footsteps on the stairs, breaking apart just as Maddie opens the door.

 

“I need more boxes,” she says, completely unaware of what her moms were just doing.

 

“Here, I’ll get some out of the garage then we can start packing your clothes,” Ashlyn offers, reluctantly pulling herself away from her wife. As much as she wants to tell Maddie where the boxes are so Ali can continue what she was doing, she knows they’d get carried away and the attic, while fairly clean for an attic, is not the ideal place to have sex. Plus, they still have a lot of work to do before the move over the weekend and they can’t afford to waste too much time (though they more than make up for the interruption later that night).

 

\---

 

Thanks to Ali’s excellent planning and organizational skills, the move goes as smoothly as possible. With the help of their families, everything is done by dinner time on moving day so they’re able to relax on their back patio as they all eat dinner together, enjoying their new view. “I can’t believe this is our back yard now,” Ashlyn says, looking out at the ocean. “We definitely need a hammock and a porch swing out here and a swingset for the kids.”

 

“That sounds perfect,” Ali replies, glancing around their back yard and imagining where they might put everything. She can already picture them sitting on the porch swing or reading in a hammock while the kids play on a swingset of their own just a few feet away. Their old house was amazing for them but she has a feeling this house will be even better and they’ll create even more wonderful memories with each other and with their family.

 

Luckily for them, both Maddie and Emmett are so excited about their new rooms that they spend all evening in them, giving Ali and Ashlyn the time and privacy to really make the new house (well, at least their bedroom) their own.

 

“You’re so beautiful,” Ali says, looking Ashlyn up and down as Ashlyn comes down from her high. It’s been a little strange for Ashlyn to be the pregnant one this time but they’ve gotten used to it and Ali actually loves experiencing this from the other side, now completely understanding why Ashlyn was always so gentle and sweet with her when she was pregnant. She places a hand on her belly, feeling the baby kick under her palm. “Someone’s still a little excited about the move,” she notes, grinning.

 

“They’ve been moving around all day--I’m surprised this kid isn’t tired yet.”

 

“Well, maybe now that I’ve tired you out,” Ali says, gently running her hand through Ashlyn’s hair (which has returned to its natural medium brown now that she’s not allowed to dye it).

 

“You certainly did a good job of that,” Ashlyn yawns, snuggling close to Ali. “I love this new house already.”

 

“We’re definitely starting it off with a bang--no pun intended,” Ali replies. “I can’t wait to meet new baby Krieger,” she adds, smiling.

 

“Only nine more weeks,” Ashlyn mumbles, smiling against Ali’s neck.

 

\---

 

Turns out, they don’t have as much time to prepare for the baby as they think. First, at 32 weeks, Ashlyn’s blood pressure rises, signaling early stages of preeclampsia, and she gets put on bed rest for the remainder of her pregnancy. Combined with blood pressure medication, they’re able to get her blood pressure under control for a few more weeks. At her second 35 week appointment (she’s now required to meet with Dr. Sauerbrunn twice a week instead of the normal once a week), her blood pressure is so high that they have no choice but to head to the hospital for delivery.

 

“No, no, no, it’s not time yet,” Ashlyn protests weakly, trying not to get too worked up and make matters worse. “The baby’s not ready yet.”

 

“Ashlyn,” Dr. Sauerbrunn begins evenly, “you’re far enough along that your baby should be fine. They might need some time in the NICU but if we don’t deliver, we’re putting your health and the baby’s health at risk.” She stands, ready to give Ali instructions while Ashlyn sits there quietly, letting everything sink in. “Now, we have enough time that an ambulance won’t be necessary. I’ll have my staff reschedule some of my afternoon appointments here and meet you there, okay? Both your wife and your baby will be fine as long as we deliver today.”

 

Ali nods, trying to hold herself together for Ashlyn’s sake. She helps her off of the examination table and leads her to the car, still struggling to cover up how scared she is. She should’ve known she couldn’t hide her own nerves from Ashlyn as her hands are shaking so bad that she nearly drops the keys when she tries to put them into the ignition. Frustrated and scared, she leans her forehead on the steering wheel, desperately trying to calm herself.

 

“I’m scared too, Alex,” Ashlyn whispers, gently taking Ali’s hand in her own again. “I’m fucking terrified, actually, but Doctor Sauerbrunn is right, we can’t risk my health or the baby’s health and put this off. God, I could never live with myself if we don’t do this and something happens to the baby. Plus, it's only five weeks early--I’m sure the baby will be fine.”

 

“I love you,” Ali says, sincerity and relief evident in her voice at Ashlyn’s reassurances. She takes a deep breath and starts the car, navigating them towards the hospital as Ashlyn calls her mom to tell her what’s going on. She doesn’t know when or if the kids will be able to see the new baby with the possibility of going into the NICU and they definitely don't want to scare them so she, Ali, and Tammye agree that it will be best to wait to bring them up to the hospital until they know what's going on themselves.

 

When they arrive at the hospital, Doctor Sauerbrunn’s team is ready and waiting to prep her for a c-section. Once Doctor Sauerbrunn arrives a few minutes behind them, the entire delivery takes less than fifteen minutes before they're met with cries from an impossibly tiny baby girl.

 

“Another girl,” Ali cries as the nurses whisk her away for tests.

 

“She's so small,” Ashlyn breathes, looking as stunned as Ali feels (partially because of the baby but mostly because of the medication she was on for the delivery). “She looked okay though, right? That wasn't the drugs playing tricks on me?”

 

“I think she's okay. She's going to be fine,” Ali assures, holding Ashlyn's hand. “She's gonna be so strong just like her Mama.”

 

The next twenty minutes are the longest of their lives. They try to talk, to take their minds off of what's happening, but it's no use--their thoughts are solely on their daughter. Besides, talking about the baby, while stressful since they don't know what's going on, is much preferable to focusing on the doctors stitching Ashlyn’s abdomen back up. When the head nurse returns without the baby, their hearts drop through the floor as the brace themselves for the worst.

 

“What's wrong?” Ashlyn asks, afraid to know the answer. She clutches Ali’s hand tighter, drawing strength from her presence.

 

“Nothing too serious,” the nurse, Wendy, assures, smiling. “Her lungs are a little underdeveloped so we have her on oxygen in the NICU. It's too early to tell but it seems as if she might have a little trouble regulating her temperature so we’ll keep her in there for observation but other than that, she seems to be okay.”

 

“Can we see her?” Ali asks, feeling her heart rate return to normal now that they know everything is (mostly) okay.

 

“Absolutely,” Wendy replies. Together, she and Ali help Ashlyn into the wheelchair an orderly brings up to the room. Ashlyn grumbles a little about wanting to walk but since it’s so soon after her c-section, she knows that this is the fastest and safest way to get to her baby and, really, that’s all she cares about at the moment. “Now, I have to warn you,” Wendy says, pausing just outside the door to the NICU. “She’s on a CPAP machine to help her breathe so he has a breathing tube in her nose. Don’t be too freaked out, it’s just to help until her lungs are a little more ready, okay?”

 

“Got it,” Ali replies, taking a deep breath. She grips the handles of the wheelchair tighter, anxious to see their baby. There are other babies and parents in the room so they’re quiet as Wendy leads them to a bed in the far corner. While some of the babies are in full incubators, their baby’s bed is uncovered which Ali takes as a good sign. “Oh, wow, she’s gorgeous,” she breathes, finally getting a good look at their daughter. The breathing tube, while heartbreaking to see, actually doesn’t interfere too much and she’s able to see the baby’s face clearly.

 

“And tiny,” Ashlyn adds. “How much does she weigh?”

 

“Five pounds four ounces,” Wendy replies. “We’re actually going to have you hold her skin to skin. It’ll help keep her warm without these lights,” she says, pointing to the warming lights above the bed. She gently takes the baby out of the bed, showing Ali and Ashlyn how to hold her without impeding the CPAP machine.

 

“Oh, God,” Ashlyn cries, holding the baby to her chest. “Our sweet, sweet baby.” She stays in that position for about ten minutes, relishing that the baby is okay after the scare of delivering a little early. Finally, she passes the baby to Ali who has been crying steadily since Wendy first lifted her out of the little bassinet.

 

“Hi, baby,” Ali coos. “You look so much like Mama--you even have her skinny chicken legs,” she says, eliciting a laugh from Ashlyn. “Actually, I think your legs are already bigger,” she adds.

 

“Really, Alex? You really have to make fun of me in front of the kid?” She laughs quietly, conscious of the other parents in the room. Leave it to Ali to lighten the mood by antagonizing her in front of their minutes old premature daughter.

 

“Sorry,” Ali whispers, although with her massive grin, she doesn’t look very sorry at all. “We have another girl,” she says, eyes welling up with tears again.

 

“You know what name I was thinking when I was holding her?”

 

“What?” Ali asks, looking at her wife as she cradles the baby close to her chest (luckily, she’s wearing a button down blouse so she’s able to hold her skin on skin too).

 

“Olivia Blaire,” Ashlyn replies. “We don’t have to go with that, obviously, but I think it sounds nice and I think it fits well with Madeline and Emmett.”

 

“I love it. I absolutely love it,” Ali says. She looks down at the baby again, picturing her with that name. “Ugh, I love that she would have my middle name like Maddie has yours.”

 

“That’s what I was going for,” Ashlyn replies, grinning.

 

“Hello, Olivia,” Ali coos, bouncing her a little in her arms. “I can’t wait for you to meet your big sister and brother.”

 

They spend the next few hours staring at Olivia, trading her back and forth until she starts wailing, ready for a feeding. At her cries, Wendy comes back from checking on some of the other babies to help Ashlyn get situated. Olivia suckles for a few minutes but apparently doesn’t get much of anything so she continues to cry as Ashlyn gently bounces her.

 

“Try again,” Ali encourages gently. “She’ll get it.”

 

Ashlyn sighs, trying not to feel dejected that it didn’t happen the first time. She gets Olivia settled back into the crook of her arm, conscious not to interfere with the breathing tube. Just as she’s about to give up, to ask if they can do formula, Olivia latches and stays latched. When she feels it, Ashlyn’s breath catches in her throat, amazed at what’s happening.

 

“Wild, huh?” Ali says, a gentle hand resting on Olivia’s back.

 

Ashlyn nods, wide eyed and speechless as she watches Olivia.

 

“Just wait until she cuts a few teeth--then you’re really in for a ride.”

 

“Oh, you got it,” Wendy says brightly, checking on them again. “Preemies sometimes have trouble nursing but it looks like you’ve both got the hang of it.”

 

“They’re pros,” Ali brags, smiling.

 

The only time they leave the NICU the entire first day is when their parents come for a visit, bringing Maddie and Emmett with them. Since Olivia is in the NICU, her big brother and sister can’t come visit her so their parents take turns visiting while Ali and Ashlyn have dinner with their eldest kids down in the cafeteria, proudly showing them the tons of pictures and videos they’ve already taken.

 

“She’s so cute,” Maddie coos, looking at a picture of Ashlyn holding her new baby sister.

 

“When does she go back?” Emmett asks, apparently disinterested in the whole thing.

 

“Back where, honey?” Ashlyn questions.

 

“In your tummy.”

 

“She’s not going back into Mama’s tummy,” Ali answers. “She’s going to be here for a few days and then she’ll come home and live with us.”

 

“When can I hold her?” Maddie asks, completely ignoring the food in front of her as she scrolls through the photos on Ali’s phone. She’s completely mesmerized by her little sister and it makes Ashlyn’s heart melt.

 

“Not until she comes home from the hospital, baby,” Ashlyn answers. She wants nothing more than to have her whole family together and Maddie’s excitement about her sister makes it that much harder. It’s for the best, she knows, to make sure Olivia is healthy and strong enough before introducing her to the world outside of the NICU but that doesn’t make it any easier. Even now, knowing that all four grandparents are upstairs taking shifts with the baby, she feels guilty knowing she’s not there with her. She’s only a few hours old and is premature so while she knows she doesn’t have any major complications, she can’t shake her worry. As if on cue, Deb texts her a picture of her mom and Olivia together which helps ease her mind somewhat as Maddie and Emmett talk about their day.

 

\---

 

Ali spends the first night in the NICU with Olivia while Ashlyn recovers from the delivery in her own hospital room. Ashlyn protests this arrangement, of course, wanting to be with her daughter in case something happens but Ali is persistent, worried about Ashlyn’s health as well. She assures Ashlyn that she and the nurses have a handle on things but if anything does happen, she will be brought down immediately.

 

“It’s you and me, sweetie,” Ali says, holding Olivia close to her chest after Ashlyn is wheeled down to her room. She’s pretty fussy--her wails unbelievably loud for a baby so tiny--so Ali rocks gently, a tried and true method she’s perfected over the years. Ali studies Olivia’s face as she rocks her, completely enchanted by this tiny little life that wasn’t even supposed to be here for another five weeks.

 

“You and Mama scared the shit out of me.” Her chuckle catches in her throat, turning into a sob as it leaves her body. All the things that could have gone wrong, all the risks and complications they could’ve faced if they didn’t catch it as early as they did. Any of it could have taken them away from her. “You really, really scared the shit out of me. I could've lost both of you.”

 

She starts crying even harder, finally letting herself work through the emotions of the day. As everything was happening, she had to be strong for Ashlyn’s sake and hasn't really had a moment to process everything until these quiet moments with her new baby girl.

 

Olivia just stares at her, wide eyed and innocent and blissfully unaware of the stresses leading up to her delivery. And beautiful. God, is she beautiful. With her long eyelashes, her perfect lips and nose and, when she moves her mouth in just the right way, Ashlyn’s dimple deep in her left cheek. She has barely a wisp of blonde hair that sticks up a little and it might be comical if it wasn’t so damn cute.

 

She falls asleep sitting up that night holding Olivia securely in her arms. Their role reversal this time took some getting used to and now Ali understands the full range of emotions Ashlyn must have felt experiencing things from this side. She didn’t get to carry Olivia. She didn’t get to give her life or nourishment or pass on her genetics. Instead, she took care of Ashlyn’s needs, especially in the last few weeks of her pregnancy and now has the privilege of having a baby who looks like her wife in miniature. A Harris by blood but a Krieger in every other way--the ways that truly matter. She doesn’t want to put her down, making up for thirty five long weeks of watching and supporting from the sidelines.

 

When Olivia wakes up crying in need of a diaper change, the nurse on call makes his way over to check on her. “You can put her in her bed to sleep if you want,” he says, checking Olivia’s temperature. “We have the warming lamps all set up so if you want to put her in there so you can get more comfortable just let me know.”

 

“I was actually pretty comfortable like that but thank you, I’ll keep that in mind.”

 

“Yeah, no problem. Her temperature is good right now so you’re more than welcome to continue the way you were. Buzz me if you need anything.”

 

Olivia yawns, her little face contorting and a fist coming up to her cheek as she fights sleep. Ali almost cries at how adorable the sight is as she watches her in awe. When she’s settled again, she carefully lifts her out of the bed, rousing her from the verge of sleep. “Mommy loves you forever and ever, miss Olivia Blaire. And so does Mama and Maddie and Emmett. But I better be your favorite, ‘kay?” She slowly lowers herself back down onto the guest armchair, pulling the lever to recline a little once she’s settled. “Night, baby girl,” she says, kissing Olivia’s forehead.

 

\---

 

The next few days test them in new ways. After spending the first night in the NICU, Ali decides to go home the next evening to be with Maddie and Emmett. Ashlyn, who will be released from the hospital the following day, sleeps next to Olivia’s bed with one hand on her daughter, as if trying to make sure she’s still there. She pumped for the feedings the night before so she could get some sleep and recover but tonight, she wakes with Olivia every few hours to nurse and change her diaper. After the frustrating first attempts, they’ve both gotten the hang of nursing and Ashlyn loves having that connection with their baby.

 

Ashlyn is discharged from the hospital two days after Olivia’s birth. At the nurses station, she takes off her own hospital bracelet but keeps the one that identifies her as Olivia’s mom, their first of potentially many matching accessories. Instead of going home, however, she marches right back down to the NICU for a few more hours with Olivia before going home for the night, trading places with Ali.

 

It’s hard, so hard, to have their family split up like it is. Their hearts are constantly in two different places, and it's a tough situation to balance. _This is temporary,_ Ashlyn reminds herself over and over again, her mantra for the days that follow. She and Ali text those three words almost as often as ‘I love you’ when they feel the other needs the support, the reminder that it’s all going to be okay.

 

She longs to have her family together, to introduce Olivia to the siblings who want to meet her so badly. The only thing that keeps her going--and Ali too, she knows--is that Olivia is making progress--real, visible progress and she’s endlessly grateful for the doctors and nurses who work tirelessly to help premature babies like their daughter. Her temperature regulation evens out as she puts a little more weight on, a byproduct of all those feedings. Then, five days after her birth, her breathing becomes regular enough that they take her off of the CPAP machine. When she makes it through the first night without any breathing troubles, the doctor says she should be ready to go home by the following day as long as there are no other issues.

 

_Tomorrow,_ Ashlyn thinks, squeezing Ali’s hand. They lock eyes, both trying to control their emotions as the doctor goes over the tests Olivia has to pass before being discharged. When he gives them a minute alone, just the two of them and their daughter, they finally let the tears flow.

 

“Our baby’s coming home tomorrow,” Ali whispers into Ashlyn’s neck, grateful that Ashlyn’s das is watching Maddie and Emmett so she could hear this news in person. When she doesn’t get a response, she lifts her head a little, pressing a gentle kiss to Ashlyn’s cheek.

 

Olivia passes the tests easily, even falling asleep peacefully in her baby carrier when they do the car seat test. She’s now a whopping five pounds twelve ounces which Ashlyn proudly takes the credit for.

 

“Good,” Ali says, wrapping her arms around Ashlyn’s waist as Olivia wriggles in her crib, “fatten her up a little more so she can fit into Maddie’s old clothes. And, you know, I just really love chubby babies.”

 

“As you wish, love. She’s due for a feeding anyway,” Ashlyn replies. She carefully lifts Olivia out of her bed, bouncing a little out of habit as she walks over to the chair.

 

“I love watching you two like this,” Ali comments. She watches from her chair, taking in the endlessly beautiful sight of her wife nursing their daughter. There are other people in the room--other babies, parents, and doctors and nurses milling about--but these moments always make it feel as if they’re the only people around. She gently rubs Olivia’s feet for a second but Olivia jerks them away as she continues nursing. “Damnit I love this kid,” Ali says, smiling.

 

“Language,” Ashlyn playfully warns.

 

“So do you think we can handle one more night apart?”

 

“We’re gonna have to,” Ashlyn sighs, meeting Ali’s eyes. “All I want is to get this little munchkin home and sleep in our bed with you--I’ve actually been sleeping with Maddie and Emmett in there the nights I’ve been home because I miss you too much.”

 

“I’ve been sleeping with them too,” Ali admits, grinning. “I can’t wait to put this behind us and just be a family.” She sighs and Ashlyn knows she’s not done yet, that she has more to say. “This has been hard--so, so hard. And I know it was hard on you to be on bed rest for so long and God, you’re the one who had to get cut open but I could’ve lost both of you.” She pauses, taking a shaky breath.

 

“It’s okay, we’re right here,” Ashlyn says, gently taking Ali’s hand.

 

“I know,” Ali begins, giving a half hearted smile, “but I need to talk about it”.

 

Ashlyn nods, waiting patiently for Ali to gather her thoughts.

 

“I just can’t stop thinking about the what ifs, you know? What if we didn’t get everything under control for those few weeks and she came eight weeks early? Or if we hadn’t caught it at the doctor’s office last week before things got really out of control? I could have lost both of you and then I’ve been going home without you or I’ve been here with her while you’re at home and it’s just really sunk in what things could’ve been like without you.” She starts crying, dropping her face into her hands as Ashlyn buttons her top back up, putting Olivia in her crib.

 

“Hey,” Ashlyn says, pulling Ali out of her chair so she can pull her into her arms. “It’s okay, you’re not getting rid of me anytime soon.”

 

Ali laughs, melting into Ashlyn’s strong embrace as she looks up to meet her eyes. “Sorry, I just had a nightmare about this last night and it’s really been messing with me.”

 

“I know it’s been hard and, honestly, I’m not surprised you’ve had such a hard time with it. I mean, if it were reversed, I certainly wouldn’t be handling it any better than you are. But Olivia and I are both more than okay and we get to take that little nugget home with us tomorrow--we just got to meet her a little earlier than we expected.”

 

“You’re the best,” Ali says, placing a gentle kiss on Ashlyn’s cheek. She turns in her arms, looking at Olivia who is now sleeping peacefully. Her lips are pursed in an adorable pout and her hands are balled up in fists right next to her face. “You made a perfect little human,” she compliments as they watch their daughter sleep.

 

“Hey, you made two of them so it’s about time I contributed something,” Ashlyn jokes, kissing the crown of Ali’s head as she holds her from behind. “She’s pretty great, isn’t she?”

 

“She is,” Ali agrees.

 

They watch as Olivia starts kicking her legs a little, letting out a big yawn before a mighty wail, her eyes welling with tears.

 

“Oh, honey,” Ali coos, scooping Olivia out of the bed and cuddling her close. “It’s okay, Mommy’s got you.” She bounces in place, calming the infant as Ashlyn watches the two, trying to commit this beautiful moment to memory.

 

\---

 

They both end up staying at the hospital that night so they’re both there and ready for when Olivia is finally discharged. In the morning, the doctor swings by the NICU again, running through a final set of tests on Olivia before finally sending them to the front desk for her final discharge from the hospital. Even stepping out of the NICU feels like a big moment for the proud parents. It is, after all, the first time Olivia has been outside of the NICU since the moment she was born a week ago. By the time they make it outside, neither mom can control her emotions as they step out into the bright sunshine.

 

“You’re free, baby girl,” Ashlyn coos, peeking into the infant carrier as they pause on the sidewalk to appreciate this moment.

 

“Let’s go meet your brother and sister,” Ali says, reaching into the carrier to rub Olivia’s cheek before leading the way to their car.

 

The drive is short, thankfully, and by the time they get home, they’re practically bouncing with excitement as they make their way inside. Their entire family is waiting for them in the living room, anticipating their arrival.

 

“She’s here,” Maddie squeals, running to get a glimpse of Olivia in her infant carrier. “Can I hold her?”

 

“Of course you can hold her,” Ashlyn replies, setting the carrier down and unbuckling Olivia. “But she’s really, really little so you have to sit on the couch, okay? And you have to wash your hands first.”

 

“Mama, please, I promise I won’t drop her,” Maddie begs, holding her arms out.

 

“Honey, listen to Mama, okay?” Ali says, pulling hand sanitizer out of her purse. “We know you won’t drop her but we have to be extra careful with her because she’s so small.”

 

“Fine,” Maddie groans, taking the hand sanitizer from Ali and running back over to the couch where Emmett is waiting patiently with Deb.

 

Prior to Olivia’s birth, they’d discussed the possibility of having another baby in the future but as soon Ashlyn sees all three kids on the couch together, she gets an overwhelming sense that their family is complete. She can’t really explain it but as she and Ali take pictures of all three of them together, she realizes that they probably won’t have another baby. “Pretty great family we’ve created, huh?” she asks, playfully bumping Ali’s hip as Maddie coos over Olivia and shows Emmett how to support her head while Deb watches all three of them carefully, ready to act if something goes wrong.

 

“I’d say we’ve done pretty well for ourselves with three beautiful kids,” Ali replies, tongue poking through her teeth as she grins.

 

“How’s that for a fifth anniversary present?”

 

Ali shrugs her shoulders, pretending to think about her answer. “Okay, I guess,” she quips. “But next year we’re going to Europe or something just the two of us.”

 

“I think we can work something out,” Ashlyn replies. “But for now let’s enjoy the fact that we have three gorgeous children and not a single one of them is screaming at the moment.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I went back and forth on how this one should pan out (re: would would carry) to the point that I almost rewrote the whole thing the other day. I'd love to read your opinions!


	5. Lucy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Krieger children make a new friend

Doing laundry with three kids always seems to be an adventure in the Krieger household. Like most parents, the task of washing clothes frequently requires stain removal techniques and turning pockets inside out to ensure that nothing goes into the washer by mistake. Rocks, condiment packets, coins, shells, and snacks are all frequent finds. Once, Ashlyn even found two live snails in the zipped pocket of Olivia’s hoodie, which she promptly set free in their backyard, whispering how sorry she was for the trauma they endured at the hands of her five year old daughter.

 

It happens all the time so, really, it shouldn’t be too surprising that the kids eventually start thinking bigger with the things they bring home.

 

“Stop right there,” Ashlyn demands, watching the three of them walk in from the back yard looking incredibly suspicious. Twelve year old Madeline is leading the charge, as always, and is doing her best to look casual as she clutches Olivia’s backpack protectively. “What’s in the bag?”

 

“Nothing,” Maddie tries quickly, shifting it in her hands.

 

“If it’s nothing then I can look in the bag, right?”

 

Maddie’s eyes go wide as she looks to Emmett and Olivia for a little help, each looking more panicked than the other. “It’s a present for your anniversary,” she finally offers, looking very pleased at her alibi.

 

“Yeah,” Emmett agrees, not meeting Ashlyn’s eyes.

 

Ashlyn doesn’t buy it. If there’s one thing she knows about their kids is that they’re terrible liars. It’s not really their fault--she and Ali rarely give them a reason to lie or hide their feelings or struggles so it’s definitely not a practiced art for the Krieger children. “Open it up, let me see,” she says.

 

Maddie sighs, loosening her grip on the bag slightly as she slowly unzips it, holding eye contact with Ashlyn in the hopes that she’ll change her mind and let it slide. She doesn’t, of course, so when the compartment is unzipped, she sets the bag down, pulling a tiny grey kitten from inside.

 

“Isn’t she cute?” Olivia coos excitedly.

 

“Olivia named her Lucy,” Maddie explains cautiously.

 

“No, absolutely not,” Ashlyn replies, shaking her head vigorously. “Put it back outside.”

 

“Mama, please,” Emmett begs, sticking his bottom lip out.

 

“No way.”

 

“Please, Mama, she’s just a kitten,” Maddie protests. “She’s been hanging around for a while because Livy kept feeding her--she needs a home.” She too sticks her bottom lip out, prompting Olivia to do the same as Maddie cradles the kitten in her arms.

 

Ashlyn sighs, determined not to let them break her resolve. She looks between her children’s faces and the scared, tiny kitten and feels herself start to cave. It’s the damn pout that finally cracks her, the pout that they all learned from Ali to get what they want. It’s adorable and frustrating at the same time as she studies their faces and looks down at the kitten who certainly looks like it needs some food. “Your mother is going to kill me,” she huffs.

 

“Thank you, thank you, thank you,” Maddie squeals, setting the kitten down on the floor to give Ashlyn a big hug. “We’ll take care of her, I promise.”

 

“Hold on,” Ashlyn replies, looking at the three of them with a stern expression. “If Mom says no, that’s it, okay? We’ll take her to a shelter or find someone else who can take her. Do you understand me?” All three kids nod, listening attentively. “If Mommy says you can keep her, you three will be in charge of feeding her and cleaning the litter box.”

 

“We will,” Emmett says, bouncing a little as they’ve passed this first hurdle. They still have to convince Ali, of course, which will be a much tougher task but with Ashlyn on their side, they at least have a chance of convincing her.

 

Now that her mind is made up (at least until Ali gets home), Ashlyn realizes that they don’t have any supplies for a kitten and they certainly won’t be able to convince Ali that they should keep their new pet if she comes home to cat pee on the floors. She crouches down, gently picking the kitten up off of the floor. “Alright, get in the car,” she says, cradling the cat as the kids excitedly sprint out to the garage, taking their seats in her SUV. When Maddie is settled, she passes the kitten back to her, entrusting her to hold it for the short drive to the pet store.

 

“Hi, Lucy,” Olivia coos, reaching to pet the kitten from her booster seat. “I love you.”

 

And that’s all it takes for Ashlyn to decidedly be on team kitten as she peeks in the rearview mirror, watching the kids love on the small animal. They’ll have a hell of a time convincing Ali who generally doesn’t like cats but she loves how excited the kids seem and honestly, there’s no reason for them not to take in a kitten that clearly needs a home and has taken a liking to all thee kids already.

 

“Hold on tight,” Ashlyn warns Maddie as they exit the car at the pet store. “Don’t let her go, okay?” She takes Olivia and Emmett’s hands as they cross the parking lot, looking down at her youngest daughter. “Have you really been feeding her?”

 

Olivia nods, grinning up at her mom as they enter the store. “Under the deck,” she replies. (Sure enough, when they return home, Ashlyn finds the dishes that have gone missing over the last week. Some are filled with water and others with dry foods, some of which the cat seemed to prefer more than the others.)

 

“Our little Dr. Dolittle,” Ashlyn murmurs under her breath as they’re greeted by a sales person. She explains their situation, not missing the way the young woman stifles a laugh at how this all came to be. She also explains that they’re not sure about keeping it yet as they have to wait for a final agreement from Ali. With this in mind, the sales person helps them pick out only the essentials as they make their way through the store, filling up their cart. They do, however, spring for a few extra toys, including a scratching post, for the cat to play with to avoid the possibility of her scratching the furniture before Ali gets home from work which would not help their case at all. They even pick out a carrier, settling the kitten inside with a toy before they leave the store.

 

By the time Ali pulls into the driveway that evening, their entire house is spotless after Ashlyn put the kids to work cleaning up in anticipation of her arrival. When they hear her car pull up, they’re all sitting on the floor playing with Lucy and are so wrapped up in the playful kitten that they don’t even realize Ali is home until she walks in the door.

 

“Wow, the house is really clean,” she notes, slipping out of her work shoes. “What did you guys break?”

 

“Nothing, nothing,” Ashlyn answers, jumping up from her spot to greet Ali with a kiss. “I love you.”

 

“Okay, seriously, what’s going on?” Ali demands.

 

“What? Can’t a woman tell her wife she loves her?” Ashlyn asks, playing dumb to give the kids a few seconds to look extra cute and innocent, as per their plan. But their plans are foiled when Lucy breaks away from their circle, offering a tiny meow as she bounds up to Ali.

 

“What did you do?” Ali demands, shocked to find a kitten purring at her feet.

 

“It wasn’t me,” Ashlyn replies, stepping aside as the kids walk up looking as guilty as they had when they first brought Lucy inside. “It was your children and that dang pout.”

 

“Mommy, please,” Olivia begs, wrapping her arms around Ali’s waist as she looks up at her with her bottom lip out. When they’d devised a plan on how to talk to Ali about this, all three kids and Ashlyn agreed that Olivia was their best bet. Ali can rarely say no to their youngest and they figured that she, the animal lover of the family, would be the one with the best chance of convincing her.

 

“Baby, no, that must be someone’s pet,” Ali says, crouching down to meet Olivia’s eyes.

 

“No, Mommy,” Olivia says defiantly. “I’ve been feeding her because she doesn’t have a home.”

 

“You’ve been feeding her?”

 

“Under the deck for about a week. It’s where all the dishes have been disappearing to,” Ashlyn explains.

 

Ali shoots her a look, wordlessly saying that she’ll deal with her later. Ashlyn snaps her mouth shut, knowing she’s likely in more trouble than the kids for not running this by Ali first.

 

“Livy, sweetheart,” Ali begins gently, “we can’t keep her.”

 

“Mama said we can,” Olivia counters.

 

“Why not?” Maddie asks from her place next to her sister.

 

Ali thinks for a moment, thrown off by the question she should’ve been expecting. Truthfully, as long as the cat doesn’t belong to someone else, there’s no real reason why they can’t keep it. No one in the family is allergic as far as they know and her personal preference for dogs (though they don’t have one of those either) is certainly not a good enough reason when she’s clearly outnumbered on this issue.

 

“Just look at her, Mommy,” Emmett prompts, crouching down next to the kitten who is currently trying to play with the hem of Ali’s dress.

 

Ali sighs as she complies with her son’s request. The cat is pretty cute, she has to admit, and all three of the kids and Ashlyn seem so damn excited about it. When she reaches her hands down to pet the kitten, the cat greets her by gently licking the back of her hand and she knows what she has to do.

 

“You four are responsible for her, do you hear me? Litter box, food, water, and anything else she might need. If she ever pees in one of my shoes, you’re all in big trouble and one of you,” she looks pointedly at Ashlyn, “is in enough trouble as it is”. She stands, meeting Ashlyn’s eyes. “Come upstairs with me while I change.”

 

Ashlyn nods, pausing for a second to hug Maddie before following her wife up the stairs to their room. “Make sure I have a nice funeral,” she whispers in Maddie’s ear.

 

“We’ll get you lots of flowers.”

 

Ashlyn stifles a laugh as she jogs to catch up to Ali, thankful that she didn’t notice her stop to talk to Maddie. When they make it to their room, Ali locks the door behind them before turning around, looking absolutely furious.

 

“Alex, I’m sorry, I know I should’ve talked to you first.”

 

“You’re damn right you should’ve talked to me first,” Ali replies, keeping her voice down in case the kids are eavesdropping.

 

“To be fair, I did tell them that we weren’t going to keep her if you said no.”

 

“Right, which would’ve made you the hero and me the bad guy. How fair is that? Look, I know they wanted a pet and I’m sure we’ll adjust to having a cat but we have to make these decisions together, Ashlyn. I can’t come home and be blindsided by a pet I had no say in.”

 

“I know, Alex, I really do,” Ashlyn replies evenly. “They blindsided me too. I went to the bathroom for five minutes and I come back to find them smuggling her inside using Olivia’s backpack. I said no at first but honestly, you should’ve seen how scared and hungry this thing was and how excited they were about her. Olivia has been feeding her for at least a week--how was I supposed to make them put this tiny kitten back outside where anything could happen to her? Would you really have done anything differently?”

 

“No, I guess not,” Ali says gently. “I still wish you would’ve at least texted me a heads up.”

 

“I know and I should have,” Ashlyn admits. “I’m sorry.”

 

“It’s okay,” Ali sighs, pulling Ashlyn in for a hug. “God, who would’ve ever thought we’d end up with at cat?”

 

“I mean, it probably wouldn’t have happened if you had let us get a dog,” Ashlyn quips, smirking. When Ali just stares at her, annoyance evident in her eyes, she continues, “she’s actually pretty fun to play with.” She smiles as she thinks about the afternoon spent playing and cuddling with the affectionate kitten. "And she's pretty cuddly, actually. They named her Lucy."

 

“Oh,” Ali says, surprise evident in her voice. “That’s actually really cute.”

 

“Are you still mad?”

 

Ali shakes her head, slipping into a pair of shorts. “Just promise it’ll never happen again.”

 

“Promise,” Ashlyn replies, leaning in for a quick kiss.

  
When Lucy’s brother shows up on their deck a few days later, apparently remembering the little blonde who left food outside, Ali can’t help but take him in as well, reuniting the siblings. When Ashlyn gets home from picking Maddie up from swim practice, Ali has a lot of explaining to do as she introduces them to the kitten she, Olivia, and Emmett named Charlie.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I'd love to know what you think :)


	6. if i ever get the nerve to say pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> all the times Ali almost told Ashlyn how she felt

 

15.

 

If you ever get the nerve to tell Ashlyn how you feel, maybe it’ll go a little something like this: you’ll confess that you haven’t stopped thinking about your kiss. You’re dating Nick now and you like him enough but you can’t stop thinking about your kiss with Ashlyn. Every time you kiss him, it jogs your memory and you can’t help but remember how her lips felt on your own. It’s different kissing him and, if you’re honest, kissing her felt so right and good and natural despite that angry little voice in your head that tells you it’s wrong to like it as much as you did. Kissing him isn’t necessarily bad but he’s not her. You’ll tell her all of this, or maybe you’ll just let her read your diary from the last few weeks, the pages upon pages of trying to talk yourself through what this could all possibly mean. Sometimes, when you’re the most honest with yourself, you’re convinced that you like her as more than a friend but other times you manage to convince yourself that you can’t stop thinking about the kiss because it was your first. It’s only natural to never forget your first kiss, right? Either way, you still need to do a little soul searching before you make a move. You’ve never kept anything from her but this is something you need to work through on your own so when you’re finally ready, you’ll be able to give her your whole heart. When you’re ready, however many months or years down the line, you’ll love her the way she deserves to be loved. You’ll be fearless and passionate and you’ll never look back.

 

Almost.

 

18.

 

If you ever get the nerve to tell Ashlyn how you feel, maybe it’ll go a little something like this: a weekend visit with each other. It’ll start out just like any other weekend visit between the two of you: you’ll show her some of your new favorite spots in Gainesville and she’ll listen intently even when you start rambling about things she doesn’t really care about. But this time, you’ll flirt with her, testing the waters so to speak, before you finally make your move. Maybe you’ll tell her about your feelings for her, confessing all the things you’ve learned about yourself since you’ve been away at school. She already knows about your crush on your teammate (which didn't amount to anything other than a drunken make out session) so maybe it won’t be such a shock when you tell her that you have a crush on her. Or maybe you’ll really go for it--you’ll drape an arm around her waist and pull her close, wordlessly asking for permission before you kiss her. Logistics and feelings can wait, your sole focus will be on the way her lips and body feel against yours. You’ll take your relationship slow, proving to yourself and each other that it’s not an in the moment, one time thing. You want a future with Ashlyn and you don’t want to rush into anything, no matter how tempting it is. So you’ll tell her you like her and you’ll take her back to your dorm room and kiss a little before falling asleep in each other’s arms. In the morning, when you take her to your favorite coffee and donut place, you’ll walk hand in hand as you settle into this new normal. But then Ashlyn spends your entire dinner gushing about this new girl she’s talking to and you’ll never admit it but your heart shatters into a million pieces.

 

Almost.

 

21.

 

If you ever get the nerve to tell Ashlyn how you feel, maybe it’ll go a little something like this: you'll surprise her for her college graduation. You were supposed to have a job interview that day but you wouldn't miss her graduation for the world so you’d rescheduled it for the week prior (turns out, this works in your favor as it made you seem even more interested in the job). She doesn't know about the change, however, and you plan on surprising her by showing up at the ceremony. You’ll bring flowers and one of those little drugstore teddy bears with the graduation cap. After the ceremony, you'll pull her away from the madness for a moment and give her a card in which you've poured out your feelings and watch anxiously as she reads it. She'll cry and you'll cry and you'll walk back to her friends and family hand in hand. Years down the line, you'll show your kids the photos from that day and tell them how proud you were and how you're more and more proud of her with each passing day. But the day is about Ashlyn and her accomplishments so while you still surprise her by showing up, you can't bring yourself to take any of her spotlight away. She's worked so damn hard for this so the card stays in your purse and you give her the safer, platonic card instead.

 

Almost.

 

24.

 

If you ever get the nerve to tell Ashlyn how you feel, maybe it’ll go a little something like this: a tipsy confession as you try to get over Matt. He’s ignored your texts and calls for the last three days so Ashlyn came back to town to take your mind off of things. You won’t take him back and instead, you’ll drink a little too much wine and end up spilling your feelings for Ashlyn. You’ll tell her all the things you’re too afraid to confess when you’re sober. You’ll start with how beautiful she is--that much is obvious--before moving on to deeper, more personal confessions. You’re not completely sure but you have a hunch that the reason none of your previous relationships have worked out it because you’re so afraid you’ll settle for someone who’s not Ashlyn. Maybe the reason you haven’t picked the best people to date is because you know they’re safe, that they won’t have your heart forever and you’re just biding your time until you’re brave enough to go for who you really want. You’ve been in love, sure, but even then you felt like something was holding you back. You’ll tell Ashlyn all of this, the wine giving you that sense of bravery. And just like that, your shitty weekend will turn into something wonderful as you get to know each other in a completely new way. You’ll finally know what it’s like to give yourself completely to another person and you’ll have everything with her: children, a dog, and so, so much love as you navigate life togeher. But then Matt shows up on your doorstep halfway through your first bottle of wine with a large bouquet of flowers and a pretty damn good explanation as he holds up his busted cell phone (he drove away with it on the roof of his car and he never did listen to you about putting a case on it). Ashlyn politely excuses herself to go visit her mom and you can’t help but give Matt another chance. You won’t realize for another month or so but you miss a birth control pill in all of the confusion and drama of the weekend. You don’t know it yet but your plan to finally, finally give your whole heart to someone is about to take a very unexpected turn.

 

Almost.

  
  
25.

 

If you ever get the nerve to tell Ashlyn how you feel, maybe it’ll go a little something like this: you’ll tell her about your little predicament of wanting sex all the time but having no one to take care of those needs. You’ll be casual as you talk about it and hopefully the hint will be enough. If she seems interested, you’ll make sure she knows you’re not just prepositioning her for casual sex, no, you’ll make sure she knows that you want a relationship with her. You’ll make sure she knows that you don’t want this to be a one time thing as you tell her that you fell in love with her before you even knew that you were capable of loving a woman in that way. You’ll tell her all the things you love about her, all the little things that have you head over heels in love with your best friend: how sweet and cute and kind she is, how funny she is, how she just gets you and makes you feel safe. She’ll take care of your sexual frustrations and you’ll whisper those three all encompassing words with her head between your thighs--I love you, I love you, I love you. And when you’re finally sated, you’ll pull her up to the head of the bed, look into those beautiful eyes of hers, and repeat the words all over again. When the baby finally comes (early, you hope), you’ll give her Ashlyn’s middle name. She’s sure to look like you but she’ll share a middle name with her mama and you’ll be a family. A few years down the line, after you both settle into parenting and have the wedding you’ve always dreamed of, you’ll give your daughter a sibling and you won’t have to worry about this current predicament ever again. But when you mention it, Ashlyn doesn’t seem interested at all--quite the contrary, in fact--and although you’re frustrated (in more ways than one now), you can’t blame her. At 35 weeks pregnant, you’re probably not as alluring as you usually are so you change the subject before things can get too awkward.

 

Almost.

  
26.

 

If you ever get the nerve to tell Ashlyn how you feel, maybe it’ll go a little something like this: a flirty, suggestive message on Tinder. You’ll retreat to your room, emboldened by the privacy, and you’ll message her just like you’d message anyone else you matched with. You’ll play dumb as  you ask questions about her life and tell her she’s cute. Maybe she’ll play along and she’ll ask you about your interests and the baby in your profile picture. Or maybe she’ll be confused and you’ll have to be more blunt about your feelings. Either way, this method will lessen your nerves, albeit only a little, as you pretend you’re casually asking a beautiful woman on a date. You’ll take her somewhere you’ve never been together, keeping up the facade that you’ve just met. At the end of the night, you’ll take her by the hand and lead her to your room and all illusions will be shattered as you tell her how long you’ve dreamed about about a night like this. You’ve always given each other the world but now it’s time for you to step up and give her the universe, to give yourself and Maddie to her. You’d be careful with both of your hearts with anyone else but Madeline adores Ashlyn and Ashlyn adores Madeline and you’ve never seen a more beautiful kind of love. She knows she has Maddie’s heart and it’s about time she knows that she has yours too. But then a match responds to your message and you respond right back. Catherine is gorgeous and funny and you feel drawn to her in a way you can’t quite explain. You still want Ashlyn, of course, but after fifteen months of single life, you figure it can’t hurt to test out the dating pool before diving into something that’s sure to be your forever.

 

Almost.

  


26.

 

When you finally get the nerve to tell Ashlyn how you feel, it goes a little something like this: she calls you out on going on a date with someone who looks like her. You’re angry at the way she acted, more angry than you’ve ever been with her but you can see the hurt in her eyes as she asks you what kind of game you’re playing. She thinks you were trying to get to her and pours her heart out as you feel your anger wash away, replaced by something more gentle. Sympathy, perhaps, because if anyone knows how hard it is to harbor a crush on your best friend for that long, it’s you. Your anger fades and you’re left with sympathy and love and surprise and, most of all, hope. Ashlyn tells you how she feels and you do the same, telling her that you were attracted to her before you really understood what it meant. Suddenly, your argument turns into a playful competition of which one of you had a bigger crush on the other. You each make your case and when you finally kiss her, you’re positive you’re the real winner in the situation. The kiss is everything you remember, albeit a little less awkward now that you’re both more experienced. It’s soft yet passionate and nothing has ever felt so right. You lead her to your bedroom, putting a little more distance between the two of you and your sleeping angel. Being with Ashlyn is everything you dreamed it would be and then some and you can’t wait to spend the rest of your life loving and being loved by this woman.

 

Finally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't initially plan on writing this but the response to Ashlyn's POV was so great and many of you requested Ali's POV so here we are


	7. nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emmett starts having nightmares and gets some quality time with his moms

“Mommy, Mama,” Emmett’s shaky voice cuts through the otherwise peaceful night. He stands next to Ali’s side of the bed and shakes her shoulder until she wakes enough to open her eyes. 

 

“Em?” Ali questions, voice thick with sleep. She looks at her six year old son in confusion until her brain catches up with what’s happening and registers the fear in his voice and the tears in his eyes. “Oh, honey, what’s wrong?” she asks, sitting up in bed and lifting him up so he’s sitting on her lap. The movement rouses Ashlyn on the other side of the bed and she too sits up, looking concerned. It’s not unusual for one of the kids to want to sleep in their bed for a night but it’s never a good sign when they come from their own room in the middle of the night. It almost always means they don’t feel well or they’ve had a bad dream. 

 

“Hey buddy,” Ashlyn says gently as she rests a hand on Emmett’s cheek. He starts crying even harder as Ali draws him close, gently rocking back and forth. 

 

“Sweetheart,” Ali coos, trying to calm him down. “Tell us what’s wrong.”

 

“The dinosaurs,” Emmett chokes out. Ali and Ashlyn share a knowing look, those two words telling them all the need to know about why they’ve been awoken at one in the morning. Emmett takes a deep breath as Ali puts a comforting hand on the back of his head, running her hands through his sleep disheveled hair. “The dinosaurs were eating you and Mama,” he finally gets out. 

 

“They were eating us?” Ashlyn asks, head resting on Ali’s shoulder as they wait for Emmett to continue. 

 

Emmett nods, pulling back from Ali’s embrace a little so he can see Ashlyn too. “They chased you and then they ate you I couldn’t stop them.” He’s very protective by nature and although they’ve never placed that burden on him with any type of “man of the house” talks, it’s something he takes very seriously. Once, some of the boys in Maddie’s class were being mean to her and some of the other girls on the playground and Emmett, although three years their junior, stood protectively next to his big sister, ready to stand up for her if need be (she ended up telling them off herself but his intent was there). 

 

“We’re both right here, honey,” Ali says gently. “We’re right here and we’re safe, okay?”

 

They stay up and talk with him for a few more minutes, equal parts calming him down and figuring out the source of his nightmare. He’s always loved dinosaurs and, as far as they know, he’s never had a nightmare about them before. As it turns out, he and his friend had watched Jurassic Park with his friend’s older brothers when he went to their house earlier in the day. Ali is furious that the other parents didn’t run the idea by them first but she’s so focused on getting Emmett back to sleep that she forgets about her anger almost as soon as it comes. 

 

They do finally manage to get Emmett back to sleep as he cuddles in between them, drawing comfort from being in their presence. But the nightmares don’t go away, not by a long shot, and every night for the next week, he ends up in their bed at some point. Some nights, he ends up in their bed almost as soon as they’ve put him in his, roused from the verge of sleep by these terrifying visuals. These nights, they’re still awake in their own bed as they talk and read and catch up on other things they don’t have time for while the kids are awake. These nights, they welcome him into their bed easily and reassure him that everything is okay before all three fall asleep huddled in the middle of their king sized bed. 

 

Other nights, they’re awoken by a tearful Emmett in the middle of the night and much like the first night, have to calm him down before they can fall back asleep. These nights are a battle against their own sleepiness and their need to comfort their son enough for him to be able to sleep peacefully for the rest of the night.

 

He recounts the nightmares every night and while they change a little, they’re mostly the same: his moms are chased by dinosaurs and they’re all powerless against the beasts. The nightmares are so unsettling for Emmett that after the third night, he insists on removing anything dinosaur related from his room so they dutifully help him pack up his favorite pair of pajamas, his bedside lamp, the poster behind his bed, and countless toys and books. He wants them to throw it all away but they end up putting everything in the garage instead, knowing he’ll want his stuff back once the nightmares subside. 

 

“We need to do something about these nightmares,” Ashlyn muses on Saturday, a large steaming cup of coffee on the table in front of her. It’s been over a week of interrupted sleep and the effects are catching up to all of them. It’s draining and while she looks forward to a normal sleep schedule and privacy again, she knows she’d give both of those things up for rest of her life if it meant her son finally felt safe again. 

 

“I know,” Ali agrees. “I’m just not sure what we can do, you know? Kids have nightmares and I’m not really sure if there’s a way to stop it.” She closes her eyes and takes that blissful first sip of coffee as she listens to the kids playing in the living room. She’s not exactly sure what game they’re playing but she’s positive it’s not dinosaurs--usually one of Emmett’s favorite role playing games. 

 

“Well,” Ashlyn begins, following Ali’s lead and taking a sip of her coffee as well, “I was thinking we could take him to the dinosaur museum. He loves that place and maybe it’ll help him see that they’re not a threat.”

 

Ali sighs, considering this option. “I don’t know, Ash, don’t you think that could do more harm than good? You’ve seen how huge the skeletons are--couldn’t that make him more scared?”

 

“Maybe,” Ashlyn half agrees. “But I think it would help. Even if he’s scared at first, he’ll be able to see that there’s nothing to be afraid of. We’ll have your parents take the girls to the aquarium or something so we can give him our full attention. Besides, we’re overdue for some alone time with him.”

 

After a considerable amount of deliberation and planning, Ali finally agrees to this plan on the condition that if it seems like too much for Emmett, they’ll return home or find something else they can do as a trio. Ashlyn agrees to this stipulation, of course, as she doesn’t want to put any more unnecessary stress on their young son. The hardest part of the arrangement to agree upon is whether or not they should tell Emmett where they’re going before they get there. Ali wants to tell him beforehand so he has time to prepare for what they’re going to do while Ashlyn argues that telling him will get him unnecessarily worked up. In the end, they agree to tell him in the car after they drop Maddie and Olivia off with Deb and Ken. 

 

“Mama, please no,” Emmett begs from the backseat as Ashlyn navigates them towards the museum. “I’m scared.”

 

“I know, honey,” Ali says, turning in her seat a little and reaching for his hand. “But Mama and I are both going to be with you, okay? We won’t let anything bad happen to us.”

 

“The dinosaurs won’t eat you?”

 

“The dinosaurs aren’t alive, remember?” Ashlyn says. “But if they try to eat us, I’ll show you how to fight them, okay?”

 

Their reassurances work wonders until the moment they walk in the doors and Emmett is faced with the thing he’s been most afraid of in the last week. “It’s okay, Em,” Ashlyn says, crouching down to his level. “Mommy and I are here, okay? Nothing is going to happen.” Ultimately, they only way they get him to agree to go farther into the building is when Ashlyn offers to carry him, letting him climb onto her back before they make their way to one of the massive skeletons on display. It happens to be a T-Rex which is usually Emmett’s favorite kind of dinosaur but has been the source of the bulk of his nightmares recently. 

 

“See? There’s nothing to be afraid of,” Ali says as they stand in front of the display. Emmett is considerably calmer but she can tell he’s still a little uneasy about this whole thing. 

 

“You remember this one, don’t you?” Ashlyn asks, adjusting her grip so he’s sitting a little higher on her back. “Remember you named him Jimmy last time?” At the time, the name had seemed ridiculous for such a massive dinosaur but now they’re thankful he picked such an unassuming name as he giggles at the memory. 

 

“Hi, Jimmy,” he calls, waving towards the dinosaur’s head near the ceiling. And just like that, all his fears and reservations dissipate as they spend the afternoon in one of his favorite places. It happens so suddenly that Ali can actually see the relief wash over his face and feels relief of her own. She nods at Ashlyn, wordlessly telling her that the plan is working. He still clings to them as they make their way through the museum which they certainly don’t mind. At six, he wants to be independent more often than not but after a week of recurring nightmares involving them being eaten by dinosaurs, he seems all too happy to take their piggyback rides through the museum. He’s a little heavy to carry for long periods of time now so they trade him back and forth as they make their way through the exhibits. 

 

“Look at that,” Ashlyn says, pointing to an animatronic pterodactyl hanging from the ceiling in one of the last exhibits. It must be new because they haven’t seen it before and Emmett’s eyes light up in wonder. 

 

“It’s flying,” he exclaims, watching as the wings move up and down. 

 

“What do you think its name is?” Ali asks, struggling under his weight a little as he bounces in excitement. 

 

Emmett thinks for a moment, putting a fingers to his chin as he ponders the question. “Mary,” he finally declares, eliciting laughs from both of his moms. 

 

“This kid and these names,” Ashlyn whispers in Ali’s ear. 

 

“Hey, as long as he’s not afraid anymore,” Ali whispers back, grinning. 

 

By the time they get to the gift shop, Emmett is protesting leaving and finally decides to walk on his own, dragging both of them by the hands around the store. Naturally, he spots about a hundred things he wants but they limit him to picking one thing for himself. They’d planned for this, of course, and had told Deb and Ken to let Maddie and Olivia pick something out at the aquarium as well. He ultimately ends up selecting a small stuffed pterodactyl, sticking with the name Mary for his new friend. 

 

When they get home from picking up Maddie and Olivia, Ali gets all of his dinosaur stuff from the garage and helps him put everything back where it belongs, satisfied that they’re finally over this hump. When dinner is done, he excitedly requests to watch  _ The Land Before Time  _ and neither nine year old Maddie or two year old Olivia have any complaints so they all settle into the living room with snacks as Emmett clutches Mary in his hand. 

 

“You were right,” Ali says, resting her head on Ashlyn’s shoulder as Emmett watches the movie flanked by his sisters on the other couch. 

 

“I’m sorry, what was that?” Ashlyn questions, half feigning disbelief. She dramatically puts a hand to her chest as Ali rolls her eyes. “I’m serious, can we get that on video? Maybe I’ll fly Kyle down with his nice camera so we can remember this moment.”

 

“Shut up,” Ali mutters under her breath, careful not to be too loud with the kids within earshot. “As I was saying, you were right--it was a great idea to take him to the museum.”

 

Ashlyn hums, absentmindedly playing with Ali’s wedding ring. “Maybe tonight we’ll get some of the alone time we’ve been missing out on this last week.” The words themselves are innocent but Ali knows the intent behind them is anything but. 

 

“Please, we haven’t had alone time in nine years,” Ali quips, eliciting a laugh from Ashlyn. 

 

Convincing Emmett to sleep in his own bed is a little more of a struggle than it usually is, largely because he’s afraid he’ll have another nightmare, but they do manage to convince him to at least try to sleep in his own room. When they finally retreat to their room, they stay up a little later than normal, taking full advantage of their privacy. In the morning, they wake tangled in one another's arms and feel more relaxed and refreshed than they have in a week, a fact they celebrate quietly over their morning coffee. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As of right now, I only have one more of these left to share :/ So if you have any requests/ ideas (or even questions about where they all end up or past events, etc), lay 'em on me ;)
> 
> As always, thanks for reading!


	8. better together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ali has a promotion on the table but there's a catch

  ** _It's not always easy,_**

**_And sometimes life can be deceiving_ **

**_I'll tell you one thing:_ **

**_It's always better when we're together_ **

  


Just after Maddie’s 11th birthday, Ali is offered an incredible promotion. So incredible, in fact, that accepting would require her to go to New York for a three week training seminar at the parent company. Her initial instinct is to turn the offer down, explaining to her boss, Nancy, that she’s not sure she could leave her family for that long. Nancy, a mother herself (although her kids are all adults now), understands this predicament and manages to convince Ali to at least consider the offer. So, naturally, Ali decides to run the idea by Ashlyn. The opportunity comes up almost as soon as she’s in the door on Friday evening when Ashlyn greets her with a kiss and asks her how her day was, as she always does.

 

“It was good,” Ali replies, hands lingering on her wife’s hips. “But, actually, there’s something I need to run by you.”

 

Ashlyn nods, giving Ali another quick kiss. Maddie and Emmett are both upstairs doing homework so Ali stops to greet Olivia as she follows Ashlyn into the kitchen where she was in the middle of preparing dinner.

 

“So you know how I told you that Richard is retiring?” Ali asks, settling herself onto the barstool as Ashlyn continues preparing the salad.

 

“Yeah, I remember.”

 

“Well,” Ali begins, drawing out the word, “Nancy offered me his position today.”

 

“Oh my god,” Ashlyn exclaims, moving around the counter to embrace Ali, the salad completely forgotten. “Alex, that’s incredible. We have to celebrate--I’ll call my mom in the morning and see if she can watch the kids so we can go out to dinner or something.”

 

Ali smiles, touched by Ashlyn’s excitement. “I can’t accept it, though.”

 

“What? Why not?” Ashlyn questions, settling onto the stool next to Ali.

 

“I mean, the position is great and it’s more money with better hours but it would require me to take a three week long training seminar in New York before I can accept the offer. So, as great as the position is, I don’t think I can justify leaving you and the kids for that long--especially since the seminar starts in late March so you and the kids will still be in school and can’t come with me.”

 

“Damn, that’s a long time,” Ashlyn comments, still trying to process what Ali just told her. She knows promotions like this one don’t come along very often but she understands Ali’s reservations. In the grand scheme of things, three weeks isn’t all that long but with three kids age eleven and under, it’s a long time to miss out on. “We could handle it, though,” she says, pushing her own reservations aside in her encouragement. “Three weeks is long but it’s definitely not so long that it’s out of the question. I could handle the kids for that long if it means you get to go after something you really want. Plus, I’m sure you could stay with Kyle and Max. I bet they’d love to have you.”

 

“That would be kind of nice, actually,” Ali admits, shrugging. “But I still think I’d miss you and the kids too much.”

 

“I totally get that,” Ashlyn responds, nodding. “I know it’s a long time but maybe I could fly up with them one weekend while you’re there? That way it’ll break up those three weeks a little and the kids will get to see two of their three favorite uncles.” Ali’s face softens and Ashlyn knows she’s actually considering this arrangement as she walks back around to the other side of the counter, picking up where she left off in meal prep.

 

“So you really think we could make it work?” Ali asks after a few moments of silence.

 

“I know we can make it work,” Ashlyn asserts. “I know you’ll miss the kids and we’ll miss the hell out of you and sure, it’ll be a little hectic for me to be outnumbered three to one but this opportunity is incredible, Alex, and I don’t want you to hold yourself back when there’s a way for us to make it work. I’ll support you no matter what and if it’s something you really want to do, I think you should go for it.”

 

“So you’ll be able to handle our three little terrors all by yourself?” Ali asks, eyebrows quirked in amusement.

 

“That remains to be seen,” Ashlyn replies, shrugging. “But Chris and our parents all live nearby so it’s not like I won’t have help if I need it. Just think about it, okay?”

 

“I’ll think about it,” Ali promises, leaning across the counter for a kiss that’s naturally interrupted by Emmett asking when dinner will be ready.

 

“Just a few more minutes, bud,” Ashlyn replies, glancing over her shoulder to check the oven timer as she mixes the salad ingredients together. “How about you and Mommy set the table,” she suggests.

 

Dinner is chaotic and loud as the kids discuss their days and argue with each other over trivial matters like who drank the last of the juice and which one has first dibs on showering after dinner. It takes both Ali and Ashlyn to quell the arguments by diverting the conversation to weekend plans but as soon as everyone is finished eating, Maddie and Emmett race each other to the bathroom, completely ignoring the no running in the house rule.

 

“So, about that offer,” Ali begins, settling Olivia onto her lap for some cuddles.

 

“Hey, I didn’t say it would be easy but I do think I can handle it. It’s not forever.”

 

They spend the weekend debating the pros and cons of the offer and finally come to a decision on Sunday night. In the end, the pros of the higher salary and better work hours vastly outweigh the cons, which are limited to the three week span Ali will be gone for training. It’s certainly not ideal but both women are convinced that the short term sacrifice will be worth it in the end. The kids, however, don’t necessarily see things their way and pout as Ali packs her suitcases.

 

“They hate me,” She says, dropping down onto their bed. She buries her face in Ashlyn’s pillow, breathing in her scent as Ashlyn sits down next to her.

 

“They don’t hate you,” Ashlyn replies gently. “They only reacted like that because they love you so much.”

 

Ali sighs, rolling over so she can look at her wife. “I know, I know. I guess I just thought this would get easier. Like, I understand they were upset when we told them a few weeks ago but I thought they’d come around.”

 

“They’re just kids who are going to miss their mommy--they don’t understand that this will benefit all of us in the long run. But they don’t hate you and I promise they’ll cool off in time to say goodbye.”

 

“What about you?” Ali questions, holding back tears at the thought of her departure. “Will you miss me?”

 

“Every second of every day,” Ashlyn admits, running a hand through Ali’s hair. She lays down next to her, pulling her close. “I’m gonna miss falling asleep and waking up with you in my arms and I’m gonna miss kissing you,” she pauses, kissing Ali on the lips, “and I’m even going to miss being woken up thirty times a night for being a blanket hog.”

 

Ali laughs. Of course Ashlyn knows just what to say to make her feel better. She doesn't respond--not with words, at least--as she leans in for another kiss. And then another and another and before they know it, they race to lock their bedroom door to show each other just how much they’ll miss the other during this time apart.

 

“I have to pack,” Ali mumbles when they're finally sated. She presses a gentle kiss to Ashlyn's bare shoulder and reluctantly untangles herself from Ashlyn’s warm, loving embrace. When she stands, she pauses for a moment, taking in the beautiful sight in front of her. It’s such a simple thing--Ashlyn laying in their bed, completely blissed out in a post sex haze, soft and loving and breathtakingly beautiful--and it’s one of the things she’s going to miss the most during her time away.

 

“Just take a picture and get to work,” Ashlyn quips, smirking at Ali’s intense gaze.

 

“Can I?”

 

“Right, do that and then explain that to the kids the next time they get ahold of your phone,” Ashlyn replies. “Or Kyle,” she adds on second thought. “He’d never let us live that down.”

 

Ali’s eyes go wide at the thought and she shakes her head. “Oh, God, that was a terrible idea--you’re so right.”

 

“Well,” Ashlyn begins, watching as Ali starts to put her clothes back on, “I’m sure we could work something out on facetime while you’re gone.”

 

“I think I’ll have to take you up on that offer,” Ali replies, smirking as Ashlyn moves to get dressed. When they’re both fully clothed, Ali moves towards their bedroom door and opens it in case the kids decide to come spend time together before she leaves the next day. Sure enough, just a few minutes later, they’re joined by Olivia who clings to her like a shadow as she packs. When she zips her last suitcase (leaving enough room for presents, of course), Olivia looks at her with great concern.

 

“Will you be back by my birthday?” she asks.

 

“Of course I will, baby,” Ali assures. She pulls Olivia into her arms, snuggling close. “I’ll even be back by Emmett’s birthday--I wouldn’t miss out on your birthdays for the whole entire world.”

 

“Good,” Olivia replies, satisfied by this answer. “Because Mama said we could go to the waterpark and I want you to come too.”

 

“The waterpark, huh? I definitely have to be home for that.” She smiles as she spots Ashlyn taking pictures of the exchange from her place in bed. “Look at Mama, Livy,” Ali encourages, turning a little so they’re facing Ashlyn. Just as Ashlyn is about to set the phone back down, Maddie makes her way into the room, still looking a little cross but clearly less upset than just an hour earlier when she stomped off to her room upon seeing Ali’s suitcases. Emmett, the final holdout, finally joins a few minutes later but unlike his big sister, he seems more than ready to love on Ali.

 

“I think we miss Mommy already, don’t we?” Ashlyn asks once they’re all snuggled in bed.

 

“I miss you guys more,” Ali says with a sad smile. She knows this will all be worth it in the end but right now, cuddled in bed with her four favorite people, she finds it hard to think about the eventual benefits. She knows the next few weeks will be a countdown until their visit and then until she finally returns home to them. And as hard as it is to leave them, she feels incredibly lucky to have a partner who is more than willing to take care of everything for a while so she can go after this major career advancement. “But don’t worry, I’ll find all the coolest places we should go for when you come to visit.”

 

~

 

Saying goodbye is never easy. It wasn’t easy when they went to different schools and no matter how many times they saw each other, it was always difficult to say goodbye, and it certainly hasn’t gotten any easier now that they’re married with three beautiful little hellions. Ashlyn struggles to keep it together as they say goodbye to Ali outside the airport but she knows it must be a hundred times harder on Ali. So she keeps her tears in check and pulls out her phone, snapping a selfie of her and the kids to send before they drive away. When they finally make it back home, she opens up the flight tracker on her laptop and sets the kids up making paper chains that will allow them to countdown everyday until Ali gets home. When the FaceTime call comes in just before Ali’s flight is set to board, Maddie takes the phone from Ashlyn’s hand to show Ali what they’re working on.

 

“Mama said we can take a link off everyday until you come home,” Maddie explains. “And the yellow one in the middle is when we come to visit.”

 

“Wow, that’s so cool,” Ali enthuses. “Did Emmett and Livy make one too?”

 

“Yeah, Mama said we should each make our own so we don’t fight over who gets to take the link off.”

 

“Your Mama is so smart,” Ali replies, grinning. The kids really do love each other and get along fairly well but they're still siblings who would fight over who gets to take links off so having them each make their own is really the only way to go about something like this.

 

They draw out the call for as long as possible but within minutes, Ali is seated and a flight attendant tells her to put her phone away for takeoff. “We’ll be okay,” Ashlyn reassures Ali as the kids all crowd in front of the phone, jostling for space in the video frame. “We love you lots and we’re so proud of you.”

 

After a chorus of “I love you, Mommy” and “I miss you” from each of the kids, they finally end the call with promises to talk again before bedtime.

 

“Let’s watch Mommy’s plane,” Ashlyn suggests, pointing to her laptop screen. They watch as the tracking information switches from ‘boarding’ to ‘taxiing’. The kids lose interest pretty quickly once the plane is in the air but Ashlyn checks the tracking every now and then just to make sure everything is going smoothly. When she finally gets the call from Ali that they’ve landed, just moments after seeing the updated status on the flight tracker, she breathes a sigh of relief that Ali is once again safe on the ground.

 

~

 

The first couple of days are an adjustment. The days that follow are hell.

 

In the first few days with Ali away, Ashlyn is determined for everything to go perfectly so she doesn’t have to give Ali anything to worry about. It’s odd without her home, sure, but Ashlyn makes it work without much help from their families and somehow manages to juggle everything, which she proudly tells Ali during their daily video chats. Of course it’s stressful for Ashlyn to do all the tasks that are usually split between the two of them but the kids have been on their best behavior and she and Ali have even found time for a private FaceTime session (which Ashlyn thinks is one of the hottest things they’ve ever done). Just as she begins to think that these three weeks will pass in a haze of well behaved children and sexy virtual dates, Olivia comes down with the stomach bug that’s been going through her preschool.

 

“Mama, I don’t feel good,” Olivia says as Ashlyn helps her into her pajamas after her bath.

 

“Do you have to go poop?”

 

Olivia shakes her head, blonde hair falling in her eyes which she lazily moves out of the way. She clutches her stomach, wobbling a bit as she closes her eyes and Ashlyn has mere seconds to move out of the way, clearing the path to the toilet. Olivia makes it, luckily, but Ashlyn doesn’t have enough time to hold her hair back and she cringes as she realizes that she’ll have to give Olivia her second bath of the night.

 

“Oh, honey,” Ashlyn breathes, rubbing Olivia’s back as she starts to cry. “It’s okay, baby. Let’s brush your teeth and get you back into the bath, okay?”  Even in just the last few minutes, Olivia’s energy has dropped considerably so Ashlyn hurries as she helps wash her hair again. This time, when they’re finished, she brushes Olivia’s hair out and ties it in a top knot where it’s safely out of the way for when she gets sick again. “My sweet baby,” She coos, her heart breaking at how pale Olivia looks.

 

Olivia doesn’t want to sleep in her own room so Ashlyn decides to get the blowup mattress from the garage, which she places on her and Ali’s bedroom floor. She strategically places it right outside the door to their master bathroom, hoping that it will be close enough that Olivia won’t have to use the bucket she’s brought up for her.

 

_It’s gonna be a long night,_ Ashlyn thinks as she puts sheets on the mattress. She knows viruses like this one last no more than a day but they’re brutal during that time and she mentally prepares to be woken no less than six times.

 

After her second bath of the night, Olivia insisted on wearing one of Ali’s sweatshirts to bed instead of her own pajamas so she waits nearby clad in one of Ali’s old Gators crewnecks which falls to her shins. Combined with the light blonde top knot at the top of her head and the stuffed animal in her hands, Ashlyn can’t help but think how adorable she is despite feeling immense sympathy for the four year old.

 

“Night, Mama,” Olivia says, cuddling with her favorite teddy bear once settled in her makeshift bed for the night.

 

“Night, baby,” Ashlyn replies, crouching down to kiss her forehead. “If you feel like you can’t make it to the bathroom, use the bucket, okay? And wake me up if you need me. I love you.”

 

“Love you.”

 

Ashlyn sighs as she watches Olivia drift off to sleep, feeling horrible that her baby is so sick and there’s nothing she can do to help. Once she’s sure she’s asleep, she quietly makes her way out of the room, determined to clean every inch of the kids’ bathroom so Maddie and Emmett don’t catch the same thing their little sister has. She hasn’t checked her phone since before Olivia’s first bath and when she finally grabs it from her nightstand after cleaning the bathroom, she sees that she has three missed video calls from Ali.

 

“Hey, sorry,” she says when Ali answers her return call. “There’s been a stomach bug going through Olivia’s preschool and it looks like our little angel caught it.”

 

“Oh no,” Ali breathes, her face falling. “And here I thought you were having too much fun without me to answer the phone.”

 

“Ha, good one,” Ashlyn deadpans, glancing down at Olivia who, thankfully, is still sleeping peacefully. “It was so sudden--one minute she was splashing in the bath and the next, she’s barfing all over her freshly washed hair and I have to put her back in the tub. Now I’m just hoping that the rest of us don’t get it. But, actually, it was kind of adorable--she insisted on wearing one of your Florida crewnecks. She said it would make her feel better.”

 

“I’m sorry, I wish I was home to help you,” Ali says.

 

“No, no, don’t be sorry,” Ashlyn responds quickly. She smiles, hoping to bring both of their moods back up. “How’s work going?”

 

Ali shrugs. “It’s work, you know? A lot of the stuff I knew already but there’s some new stuff and at least it’s a nice refresher course. I miss you guys a lot.”

 

“We miss you t--” Ashlyn begins, stopping mid word when Olivia jumps up and runs towards the bathroom. “I gotta go, Livy’s going to be sick again. Love you.” She doesn’t even bother ending the call, figuring Ali will do that, as she follows closely behind Olivia. There’s not much she can do other than offering comforting words and helping her wash up after but Livy seems grateful for her presence nonetheless.

 

Ashlyn’s not sure how many times Olivia gets sick during the night but she wakes up with her every time and in the morning, they’re both thoroughly exhausted as Ashlyn, Maddie, and Emmett get ready for school. Deb and Ken have agreed to come over and watch Olivia for the day but just before they arrive, Olivia seems distraught at the thought of Ashlyn leaving for the day.

 

“Mama, please stay,” she begs through her tears. She’s now set up on the living room couch with the bucket right next to her and in the light of day, Ashlyn can see how sick and miserable she looks. She refused to eat breakfast which is understandable and she’s certainly not her energetic self.

 

“I have to go to work, baby,” Ashlyn replies, crouching down in front of the couch. “But Grandma and Grandpa are coming to stay with you until I get home, okay?”

 

Now Olivia starts sobbing harder than Ashlyn has ever seen her cry. She’s usually their most even tempered child who goes with the flow and whose emotions generally range from content to ecstatic. So while this type of response could be expected from Maddie or Emmett while they’re so sick and haven’t gotten a full night’s sleep, this is unusual for Olivia and Ashlyn knows that she can’t leave her little girl like this.

 

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” she soothes, drying Olivia’s tears. “I’ll stay home with you,” she promises, kissing her forehead. And that’s all it takes--within seconds Olivia is calm again and looks up at Ashlyn with adoration in her eyes instead of tears. “I’ll be right back, baby, I have to call our schools.”

 

She heads into the kitchen where Maddie and Emmett are finishing their breakfast, finding her phone on the counter.

 

“Is Livy okay?” Maddie asks, great concern in her eyes. “We heard her crying.”

 

“She’s okay, she just needs me to stay home with her today so I think I’ll have Grandma and Grandpa take you guys to school.” She leans on the counter as she calls the elementary school to request a sub and Olivia’s preschool to let them know she won’t be in class. Then just as she’s about to call Deb to give her and Ken and heads up about the change of plans, Ali’s call comes through and she hears Olivia calling her from the living room. “Here, talk to Mommy,” she says, accepting the call and passing the phone to Maddie who greets Ali cheerfully. She then sprints into the living room to find Olivia clutching the bucket to her chest, her cheeks flushed.

 

“I couldn’t make it,” she says weakly.

 

“It’s okay, sweetie,” Ashlyn reassures, taking the bucket. “Go brush your teeth and I’ll get this all cleaned up, okay?”

 

If mornings are usually crazy in the Krieger household, mornings without Ali and with a child fighting off the stomach flu are something out of a nightmare. Ashlyn spends the morning running between checking on Olivia and helping Maddie and Emmett get ready and as luck would have it, this is the morning where everything seems to be misplaced. First, Maddie can’t find the book report Ashlyn had helped her print the night before which should be easy enough to fix if they print a second copy but of course the printer runs out of ink halfway through printing and they don’t have another ink cartridge on hand. Then, as soon as they get ahold of Ken to print the paper from his email and bring when they head over, Emmett can’t find his favorite t shirt which he insists he absolutely _has_ to wear.

 

“Em, you have tons of shirts please just pick one,” Ashlyn tries to reason. She’s losing her patience by the second but is determined not to lash out in anger and make matters worse.

 

“I want to wear that one,” Emmett protests. He stomps his foot, earning himself a glare from Ashlyn who doesn’t need to say a word before he mutters a quick “sorry”.

 

“I’m going to check on Livy, you have five minutes to be downstairs,” Ashlyn says, her tone firm. When she finally makes her way down to the living room, she finds Olivia sleeping peacefully on one couch and Deb and Ken keeping an eye on her from the other, Maddie’s book report in Ken’s hand. “Hey, sorry, I didn't know you guys were here already,” she says, greeting her in laws with a hug. “Your grandkids are just a damn delight this morning,” she grumbles, dropping down on the couch next to them.

 

“That bad, huh?” Deb asks, a gentle hand resting on Ashlyn’s back.

 

“I mean, they’re not being bad or anything but it’s just of course everything goes wrong when Ali’s not here and Olivia is as sick as she is. It’s been a long day and it’s only eight in the morning. Then with Livy getting sick last night, I haven’t had time to do the laundry or anything like that and I need to go to the grocery store but can’t really take Livy with me because she’s sick. Sorry, I just I miss Alex and it’s been a lot to deal with.”

 

“Well it seems to me like you’ve been doing a great job since Ali left,” Deb offers, slinging her arm over Ashlyn’s shoulder. “And it’s only temporary, right? She’ll be back before you know it and everything will be back to normal. But how about we have Ken take the kids to school and I’ll run to the store for groceries and anything you might need while you stay here with Livy and take a nap or something, okay? I know I’m not Ali but I did make her so I can be a pretty good stand-in.”

 

“That would be great, if you don’t mind helping,” Ashlyn replies, breathing a sigh of relief. “I thought I could handle everything on my own but it’s been a hard twelve hours.”

 

“We’ll help as much as you need, don’t worry,” Deb assures. She helps Ken off the couch, giving Ashlyn space so she can lay down and get some rest while still being near Olivia if she needs anything.

 

“Thank you,” Ashlyn mumbles appreciatively when Deb covers her in a blanket from the hall closet. Even after just a few seconds, she’s on the verge of sleep after a long night and morning. By the time Maddie and Emmett leave with Ken, she’s already fast asleep curled up on the couch.

 

Just a few hours later, Ashlyn is awoken by Olivia who seems to be feeling a little better given the fact that she’s sipping from a box of apple juice. She doesn’t say much, choosing instead to lay on Ashlyn’s chest and cuddle. “How do you feel, baby?” Ashlyn asks quietly, running her hand over Olivia’s messy bun.

 

“Okay,” Olivia replies, her juicebox forgotten on the end table.

 

“Is Grandma still here?” Ashlyn asks.

 

“Making lunch,” Olivia replies. “I miss Mommy,” she adds. She nuzzles into Ashlyn’s neck, all warm and soft and innocent and after such a stressful morning, Ashlyn’s surprised that she doesn’t cry over just how much she loves this kid and her family. In the hard moments, it’s sometimes difficult to remember just how much she loves her role as wife and mom but when everything finally calms down, the joy and love seem to burn brighter than before.

 

“I miss Mommy too,” Ashlyn agrees, holding Olivia close. “But we get to go see her in a week, won’t that be fun?”

 

“And Uncle Kyle and Uncle Max,” Olivia adds.

 

“Of course,” Ashlyn replies, grinning as Deb comes into the room and quietly announces that lunch is ready.

 

With Deb and Ken’s help, the day gets back on track and, once again, Ashlyn begins to think that they have a pretty good handle on everything. But then shortly after dinner, she comes down with the same symptoms as Olivia (who luckily is already feeling better), and she essentially quarantines herself in her room while her in-laws set themselves up in the guest room to take care of her and the kids. When Ali calls that night, Ashlyn is sick and tired and miserable and just wants her wife. Making matters worse is that Ali had texted her throughout the evening, telling her all about the show she, Kyle, and Max were going to see on Broadway.

 

“Oh my God, Ash, the show was so good,” Ali exclaims the second Ashlyn answers the phone. “I’m serious, I might even want to take you to see it when you come.”

 

“That’s great, Al,” Ashlyn replies.

 

“And I had the _best_ fettuccine alfredo in Little Italy, ugh, it was incredible.”

 

“That’s great, Al,” Ashlyn repeats, her tone a little sharper than it was a second ago.

 

It’s only a voice call and in her own excitement about the night, Ali misses Ashlyn’s annoyance. “Oh,” she continues, “I forgot to tell you that the other night when I went out with Kyle and Max, this one woman started hitting on me so of course I flashed my wedding ring hoping she would get the hint. She did, thankfully, and we just talked because she was actually pretty nice company in a bar filled with men, you know? But all I could think about was you and how it should’ve been you sitting next to me and how you would’ve reacted if you were there because you’re kind of cute when you’re jealous.”

 

“Do you want to hear how it’s been going here?” Ashlyn asks the second Ali stops speaking.

 

This time, there’s no mistaking the bite in her tone so Ali cautiously agrees.

 

“Well, while you’ve been out having fun going to broadway shows and hanging out with women in bars, I’ve been at home dealing with a sick child and lost homework and t-shirts and now, guess what? I’m sick too. But I’m glad you’re having a great time. It’s been such hell here that I wouldn’t be surprised if you decided to run away with that lady.”

 

Ali immediately recoils at Ashlyn’s words and switches the call to FaceTime. “Ashlyn, please don’t do that, okay? I feel guilty enough about being away as it is.” She pauses, taking in Ashlyn’s appearance. She certainly looks sick (although Ali would never tell her that) and her hair is tied up in a sloppy bun. When Ashlyn doesn’t respond, Ali continues, “I’m so sorry, I had no idea you were sick too--I thought you had a handle on everything. And you know I wouldn’t have gone on about what I’ve been doing if I knew you were having such a hard time.”

 

“Well, I don’t, okay? I didn’t have a handle on anything today. Hell, I only made it through this morning alive because your parents came over.”

 

“Tell me what happened,” Ali says gently. She looks genuinely concerned and Ashlyn feels bad for her earlier rant. She knows Ali would rather be at home and that she’s just making the best of her time with Kyle and Max. And it’s certainly not her fault that things have been difficult at home.

 

“Well, this morning, I was going to have your parents watch Livy because she was so sick but she started _sobbing_ when I told her that because she wanted me to stay home. I swear I’ve never seen her cry that hard and I’m guessing it was because she was so sick and exhausted from not getting any sleep and you’re not here so she was just off.”

 

“She needed one of her mommies,” Ali notes.

 

“Right,” Ashlyn agrees. “And I couldn’t leave her like that, you know? So I told her I’d stay then Maddie couldn’t find her book report and we were out of printer ink and Emmett couldn’t find the shirt he wanted to wear and refused to get dressed. It was a morning from hell so at least when your parents got here, they were able to help me out but now I’m sick and I miss you and I feel bad because now your parents have to stay even longer to help.”

 

“Oh, honey,” Ali coos. “I’m so sorry.” She feels for her wife and it breaks her heart that she’s powerless to help. She wasn’t there to take care of her sick baby and now she’s not there to take care of her sick wife and while she knows this promotion will benefit everyone, it’s hard to shake the feeling that she’s being selfish by not being there for them. Of course she’s been missing them too but while her days have been filled with work and spending time in the city with her brother and his husband, Ashlyn’s days have been filled with nothing but reminders that she’s not there to help. It hasn’t been easy for her to be away but it seemed like everything was okay back home but now that the first few smooth days have given way to chaos and illness, she can tell that it’s been much harder for her family than it’s been for her.  

 

“Don’t be sorry,” Ashlyn rasps, feeling more and more sick by the minute. Her only source of relief right now is getting to see Ali’s face and the knowledge that this is one of those super quick bugs and she should be better by this time tomorrow. “I should go,” she says sadly. “I love you.”

 

“I love you too--keep me updated on everything, okay?”

 

Ashlyn nods, offering a weak smile before she ends the call.

 

Her sleep is once again interrupted every few hours and in the morning, she’s incredibly thankful that Deb and Ken decided to stay the night to help out. Deb all but demands that she stay in bed and although she’s feeling a little better, she doesn’t challenge her. Both Maddie and Emmett stop in to say goodbye before Ken takes them to school and when Deb brings Ashlyn oatmeal and orange juice for breakfast, Olivia sneaks in the room and cuddles up next to her. Ashlyn still doesn’t feel great and she’s exhausted but cuddling with Olivia for the day makes her feel more than content.

 

~

 

Neither Maddie nor Emmett catch the stomach bug and by the time they head to New York to visit Ali, both Ashlyn and Olivia have fully recovered which is lucky for Ashlyn because she needs all the strength she can get to wrangle three kids through a crowded airport. Each kid is responsible for their own backpack and small carry-on suitcase while Ashlyn is responsible for their shared checked bag.

 

“We’re going to see Mommy,” Olivia proudly announces to the TSA agent who checks their tickets. “She’s working.”

 

“That’s wonderful, I hope you have a good time,” the agent replies, smiling at Olivia.

 

Maddie and Emmett are a few steps ahead of them and before Ashlyn can even secure the tickets in her pocket again, they start bickering over who gets to go first through the line, even pushing each other a little as they try to get ahead of the other. “Hey, that’s enough,” Ashlyn says firmly. “Maddie, your brother was in line first let him go. You can go first on the way home.”

 

“But I’m the oldest,” Maddie wines, crossing her arms over her chest defiantly. By now, they’ve drawn the attention of some other passengers and Ashlyn whispers a quick apology to the older couple right in front of them in line.

 

“Emmett was first,” Ashlyn reiterates. She turns her attention to Olivia and helps her get her teddy bear backpack and jacket into one of the security bins, explaining to her that it had to go on a ride through the x-ray machine but they’ll be able to get it once they go through security themselves.

 

The TSA agent in front of the full body scanner makes small talk with the family as they wait their turn. He asks where they’re heading, to which Emmett responds that they’re going to visit Mommy in New York and that after that, there will only be five days before she returns home from work and the whole family will be together again.

 

“They’re adorable,” the agent says as Ashlyn waits her turn, keeping an eye on Maddie and Emmett waiting on the other side of the machine.

 

“They’re monsters but thank you,” she quips, eliciting a laugh from the older man.

While navigating the airport with three kids during the evening rush is stressful and chaotic, the flight itself is surprisingly enjoyable. They’re all sitting in the same row with only the middle aisle separating Ashlyn and Emmett from Olivia and Maddie. Ashlyn even manages to fall asleep during the flight when she gets Maddie and Olivia to watch a movie on the iPad and Emmett decides to play games on her phone. Then in just a few hours, they’re finally back on the ground and searching for Ali by the baggage claim. When they finally spot her, it takes everything Ashlyn has in her to stand by all of their bags while the kids run to Ali, crashing into her with their hugs.

 

“Mommy, mommy,” Olivia exclaims, hugging Ali’s knees. “We came to see you.”

 

“I see that,” Ali coos.

 

Even across the baggage claim, Ashlyn can see tears of joy welling in Ali’s eyes. When their bag finally shows up, she somehow manages to get all of their suitcases over to where Ali and the kids are having their little reunion.

 

“I swear you’ve both gotten taller,” Ali says as she hugs Maddie and Emmett. “And you,” she begins, looking Ashlyn in the eyes, “you’re even more beautiful”. She’s being cheesy, they both know, but after twelve days apart, neither is going to bother calling her out on it. Ali’s the one to close the gap between them, draping her arms over Ashlyn’s shoulders as she pulls her in for a kiss to a chorus of grumbles and disgusted comments from the kids. They’re chaste, of course, but there’s a lot of emotion behind the kiss.

 

“Okay, you’re on kid duty for the next few days while I hang with Kyle and Max,” Ashlyn quips when they finally break apart.

 

“Don’t worry,” Ali says, helping everyone with their luggage as they make their way to the line of taxis outside. “You’ll get a break. I was actually thinking we could spend tonight and tomorrow together as a family and then tomorrow night you and I can go out to dinner or something while Kyle and Max watch the kids.”

 

They end up spending a quiet night in with Kyle and Max but Ali wakes everyone up early in the morning to show them around the city. They’ve been to New York to visit Kyle quite a few times but it always seems like there’s still more to see. She saves the M&M store in Times Square for last, knowing that it will be a big hit with the kids. What she didn’t expect (but should have), is that Ashlyn ends up loving it almost as much as they do and she runs around the store while Ali says a silent prayer for her debit card.

 

“Alex, can you believe this thing said I’m a pink M&M?” Ashlyn asks, standing in front of the machine that ‘analyzes’ the people standing in front of it to determine what color M&M they’d be. “Maddie got blue, why can’t I get blue too?”

 

“You are five years old,” Ali chuckles, shaking her head. She takes Ashlyn by the hand, literally tugging her away from the machine to keep up with Maddie, Emmett, and Olivia as they spot the massive wall of different colored candies. They each fill a bag with their favorite colors and flavors and when they finally make it out of the store, they have to rush to get back to Kyle and Max’s to get ready for dinner, leaving them with three rambunctious children on a sugar high.

 

“I’m so happy you’re here,” Ali says, holding Ashlyn’s hand as they walk towards the restaurant she’d selected for the night. It’s a beautiful early spring night and she’s thrilled to have her family in town after being away from them for so long.

 

“Not as happy as I am to be here with you,” Ashlyn replies. “And even that's nowhere near as happy as I’ll be when you come home next weekend.”

 

“Has it been really bad without me there?”

 

Ashlyn sighs, stopping just outside of the restaurant Ali has pointed to. “Those days when Olivia and I were sick were the hardest but it's been okay since then. At first, I was so determined to do it all on my own so you wouldn't worry too much but after your parents helped out those days I realized that I really just can't do it all on my own. Certain things I can do by myself and I can definitely handle a few days but trying to do over a week by myself was a lot. So I started taking our families up on their offers to help and it's been so much better.” She pauses, leaning in for a kiss which she absolutely savors, knowing they have a finite amount of time before they're separated for another week. “But everything is so much better with you there, Alex. I know you get stressed sometimes too but we couldn't function without you. There's a reason you and I have always been a team, you know? We just work so well together and nothing is ever as good as when you're not there.”

 

“That was some speech,” Ali breathes, leaning in for another kiss. “How long have you been preparing that?”

 

“Since the moment we dropped you off at the airport.”

 

Ali smiles. She hasn't stopped smiling since she saw her family at the baggage claim but somehow Ashlyn’s words make her smile even bigger and brighter. “Well, for the record, I'm so much better with you four with me. It doesn't matter where we are but I always feel more like myself when I have you guys with me. And you know I love Kyle and Max so much but this whole time all I've been able to think of is you and the kids. You're the reason I'm even doing this so it's nice to have you here as a reminder of why I decided to come in the first place.”

 

They talk all throughout dinner, discussing all the little moments that seem so pointless to talk about during the limited time they have for phone calls. For the evening, everything feels so normal that Ashlyn forgets that she and the kids have to leave the next evening.

 

“I wish we could stay with you until you come home.”

 

“Don’t tempt me to make you stay,” Ali quips, grinning. She’s a little drunk from all the wine they’ve had with their dinner and there’s nothing she wants more than to keep her family in town until it’s time for her to go home too. “But I’m just glad you were able to come at all and that you were willing to fly by yourself with the kids to get here.”

 

Ashlyn laughs, thinking back to the stresses of making it through the Orlando airport with three easily distracted children. “Only for you. Although I was kind of enjoying our FaceTime dates,” she says, smirking.

 

Ali blushes at Ashlyn’s words. “Those are something, aren’t they? But I’m pretty sure they don’t compare to the real thing.”

 

“It’s been so long I’m not sure if I remember the real thing,” Ashlyn quips. They hadn’t been able to do anything the previous night as Ashlyn was far too tired after a day of work followed by travel but she’s determined to make up for it tonight. When they get back to Kyle’s, however, her plans are foiled as they find Olivia sleeping in the guest bed instead of in the living room with Maddie and Emmett.

 

“You think we can kick her out?” Ali half jokes as they watch their youngest sleep in the middle of the bed.

 

“You know she would just want to cuddle if we try to wake her up,” Ashlyn reasons. “Actually, that’s probably why she’s in here to begin with.”

 

Ali huffs as she puts her hands on Ashlyn’s waist, pulling her close. “Then I guess we’re taking a shower.”

 

“I guess so,” Ashlyn agrees, grinning as she takes Ali’s hand and leads her into the bathroom.

 

By the time they’re sated, it’s well after midnight and they’re more than ready to snuggle in bed. They make the most of their final day together the next day as they do everything together as a family--Kyle and Max included. When they say goodbye at the airport, it’s difficult but is somewhat easier now that they’ll only have five days left before they’re reunited at home.

 

~

 

When they pick Ali up from the airport a week later, Ashlyn holds her close for nearly a minute until they're yelled at by a security guard to move out of the loading zone. It's been a long journey but they settle back into normal life as soon as Ali gets into the passenger seat, taking Ashlyn’s hand for the drive home. Ali is glad she went to New York and looks forward to her promotion but she’s never happier than when she’s with this woman and these beautiful, rambunctious kids.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Of course as soon as I posted the last chapter saying I only had one left, I came up with this idea. So don't worry, there's at least one left after this ;)


	9. spring break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maddie wants to go on spring break and finds some old documents

Family dinners are sacred in the Krieger household. With all the kids’ clubs and sports, everyone has vastly different schedules so Ali and Ashlyn long ago declared that Sunday nights are family dinner nights. Maddie, now fourteen, has the toughest schedule of them all and Sunday is one of the only nights she has free every week. 

 

Just a freshman in high school, Maddie is on the varsity swim team and spends five evenings a week training at the pool. As the only freshman on the team, she's constantly surrounded by senior swimmers, most of whom form her core friend group. It’s been a point of contention recently as Maddie tries to find her place in high school and pushes back against what her moms think is best for her. 

 

“Mommy, Mama,” she begins, voice innocent, once Emmett and Olivia have excused themselves from the table and taken care of their dishes.

 

“Ohhh, I know that tone,” Ashlyn says. “You want something.” 

 

“Well,” Maddie starts, not meeting their eyes, “I was wondering if I could go to Cancun for spring break this year? Everyone from the swim team is going”. 

 

She's still looking down at her empty plate when Ashlyn does one of the worst things she could do in this situation: she laughs. “That's a good one, Mads,” she wheezes. 

 

“Mama, I'm serious,” Maddie protests. “All my friends are going.” She sticks her bottom lip out, a tried and true tactic to sway Ashlyn (Ali usually doesn’t fall for it; she is, after all, the one who taught her that face) to give her what she wants. 

 

“No, there’s no way you’re serious,” Ashlyn counters. “Because you’re smarter than to ask something so ridiculous.”

 

“You don’t have to be such an asshole about it,” Maddie snarls, roughly sliding her chair away from the table and sprinting upstairs. Ali’s still staring at Ashlyn in disbelief when they hear a door slam upstairs. 

 

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Ali demands, her arms crossed over her chest. 

 

“Me?” Ashlyn asks, incredulous. She narrows her eyes, waiting for a response. When it doesn’t come, she sighs. “Didn’t you just hear the way she spoke to me?” 

 

“Did you hear the way you spoke to her?”

 

“What, so you think it’s a good idea? A fourteen year old has no business going on spring break with a bunch of seventeen and eighteen year olds, Alex. And to Cancun no less,” Ashlyn says. She can’t believe they’re even having this conversation. If anyone should remember the trouble they got into in their teen years and want to protect their daughter from too much too soon, it’s Ali. “Besides, we were gonna take the kids to California for spring break to visit Whit and Ryan.”

 

“Of course I know she has no business going on spring break with them. Christ, Ash, do you really think I’m saying she should go? I’m sure most of them are good kids but I hate that she’s hanging out with seniors as much as you do.” Her tone is softer now and she’s visibly more relaxed but Ashlyn can tell this isn’t over yet. Ali sighs, propping an elbow on the table and dropping her chin into her hand. “But you didn’t need to make her feel stupid for asking. That was completely unnecessary. So, yes, I agree that it was a completely ridiculous question but she’s fourteen, Ash, she doesn’t need us laughing at her like that. Fourteen year olds have enough to deal with without their parents making them feel stupid.”

 

Ashlyn sighs, finally understanding what Ali is getting at. She clicks her tongue a few times, trying to figure out how to reverse the damage with both her wife and daughter. “So you’re saying she was right and I was an asshole?”

 

“By George I think she’s got it,” Ali exclaims, satisfied that she’s gotten through to Ashlyn. “One of us was gonna have to call you out on being an asshole,” she adds, shrugging. “Frankly, I’m not surprised it was her.”

 

“She certainly doesn’t let people walk all over her, that’s for sure,” Ashlyn agrees. 

 

~

 

Meanwhile, Maddie is upstairs looking for her birth certificate with Emmett and Olivia by her side. 

 

“What are you going to do when you find your birth certificate?” Emmett asks, watching as Maddie flips through the papers that usually reside in the fireproof box under their parents’ bed. 

 

“I’m going to get a passport then there’s no way they can say no,” Maddie replies as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. 

 

“Passports cost money.”

 

“I still have money from Christmas,” Maddie says distractedly as she reads Olivia’s birth certificate. “God, Livy, I remember how tiny you were,” she says, showing Olivia the picture of her in the NICU that’s attached to her birth certificate by a single paper clip. She was only seven when Olivia was born but she remembers the whole thing very clearly. When Tammye first told her and Emmett that they had a new baby sister, she was a little hurt that they didn’t get to be in the hospital when she was born. Then Tammye explained that the baby was born a little too early and might need to be in the hospital for a while and, suddenly, the only thing Maddie cared about was her sister being okay. She didn’t know what preeclampsia was at the time but she’d recently asked her parents what happened when Olivia was born and finally understood why it was such a stressful situation for them. 

 

Everything in the safe seems to be in reverse chronological order so she flips the stack of papers over and starts from the bottom. With this method, she finally manages to locate her birth certificate which is paper clipped to two other documents: the decree of adoption and another, handwritten document. Although she doesn’t remember the adoption process, she’s always known that she was adopted by Ashlyn so the official decree isn’t too surprising but the other papers, on which she recognizes Ashlyn’s handwriting, is new to her. 

 

“What’s that?” Olivia asks, peeking over her shoulder. 

 

“I’m not sure,” Maddie says slowly, taking in her mom’s handwriting. She vaguely hears someone enter the room behind them but it too entranced by reading Ashlyn’s words that the new presence hardly even registers. She reads an abridged version of her early life from Ashlyn’s point of view and is blinking back tears by the time she gets to the second paragraph. Ashlyn’s line about loving her from the moment she knew about her even though she wasn’t yet her mother is particularly emotional for her to read, especially given what she knows about Matt leaving. Another favorite part is the part about what traits she shares with each of her moms. With how much she looks like Ali, strangers and family alike really only ever talk about how much she’s like Ali, so it’s nice to read about the traits she shares with Ashlyn. They’ve always bonded over their shared love of the water and while her passion has manifested itself in the form of competitive swimming, she still loves early morning surf sessions with Ashlyn and Emmett while the rest of the world is still sleeping. 

 

“Whatcha got there, Mads?” Ashlyn asks when Maddie finishes reading, crouching down next to Olivia and Emmett on the floor. 

 

Maddie turns to look at Ashlyn, finding Ali standing in the doorway behind her. “You wrote this about me?”

 

Ashlyn nods, looking down at the letter she hasn’t seen in years. “I had to write a statement for your adoption--pretty successful, I’d say.”

 

“Come on, Olivia, Emmett,” Ali says, gesturing for the two youngest kids to follow her out into the hallway. “Let’s give Mama and Maddie some time alone, okay?” Both kids protest, curious to know if Maddie is in trouble for her earlier outburst, as Ali herds them out of the room, closing the door behind her. 

 

Ashlyn moves to sit next to Maddie and smiles when she lays her head on her shoulder, still clutching the letter in her hand. She’s growing up so fast but sometimes Ashlyn can still see the little girl that entered the world and immediately took her breath away, as if she stole Ashlyn’s breath and made it her own. She can’t quite get a read on her emotions right now--finding an unusual mixture of anger and tenderness, of frustration and love on her daughter’s face.

 

“So you wrote all those nice things about me so you could really be my mom?” 

 

“I was your mom either way but, yeah, basically. Honestly, I could've wrote a whole novel but I didn't want to spend all day in court while the judge read it.” She smiles, remembering the day clearly. It's been eleven years now but the memories stick out in her mind as if it happened yesterday. It still stands as one of the best days of her life--right up there with the day she met Ali, the day they were married, and each kid’s birthday. “It's all still true, by the way,” she adds. “It's still such an honor to be your mom and I always want what's best for you. I shouldn't have spoken to you the way I did and for that, I'm very, very sorry. But, honey, there's a big difference between fourteen and eighteen year olds. It might not seem like it to you now, but there is and while I trust you and know you're a smart kid, I also know that there's a reason most freshman don't go on the senior spring break trip.” 

 

“But I really want to go,” Maddie protests. “Didn’t you ever go on spring break?” 

 

“Yes, when Mommy and I were  _ seniors _ ,” Ashlyn answers. “It wasn’t that fun, honestly. Mommy’s boyfriend at the time was on the trip too and he cheated on her while we were there. Then she drank too much and spent the entire night crying on the bathroom floor while I rubbed her back.”

 

Maddie sits up a little straighter, meeting Ashlyn’s eyes. “Wait, so her high school boyfriend cheated on her and then Matt left? She sure knew how to pick ‘em.” 

 

Ashlyn laughs, her eyebrows raised as she nods her agreement. “She had the  _ worst  _ taste in men but the best taste in women, obviously.” She sassily tosses her hair over her shoulder, eliciting a laugh from Madeline. 

 

“Well, says you,” Maddie quips, pursing her lips just like Ali does when she makes a joke at Ashlyn’s expense. 

 

“I resent that,” Ashlyn deadpans, leaning back on her hands. She studies Maddie’s face for a moment, feeling like she’s looking at a fourteen year old Ali again. “I think I’m a pretty damn good wife and mom. At least I try to be--sometimes I screw up.”

 

“You could be the  _ best _ mom if you let me go on spring break,” Maddie tries. She looks so hopeful that Ashlyn almost feels bad about saying no, even though she knows it’s for the best. 

 

“Maybe when you’re a senior,” Ashlyn offers, smiling. “Besides, Mommy and I were gonna take you guys to California to visit Whit and Ryan. I figured we could spend the entire week surfing on the Pacific. And we were talking about taking you to the UCLA swim meet--Stanford will be there so we figured you might want to go watch.” Maddie’s only fourteen so while college is still a few years away, there has been talk about her being scouted by some very, very good swim programs, Stanford being one of them.  

 

“Really, Mama? Oh my god,” Maddie exclaims, grinning. “That would be so cool.” She leans forward to hug Ashlyn and when she pulls away, her face has fallen a little. 

 

“Something wrong, honey?”

 

“I’m sorry for calling you an asshole earlier.”

 

Ashlyn shrugs. “I was being an asshole,” she admits. “Mom told me off as soon as you left the room so I knew I fucked up. Although, sometimes she tells me off for not putting the toothpaste cap back on so maybe that’s not the best measure to use.” She stands, watching as Maddie puts everything back in the safe and locks it again before reaching her hand down to help her off the floor as well. “I’m sorry I spoke to you like that,” she says, pulling Maddie into a tight hug. “It was uncalled for and you don’t deserve to be treated like that.”

 

If there’s one thing Ashlyn has learned about parenting, especially parenting a teenager, is that much like a relationship, saying you’re sorry is one of the most important things. She’s seen too many parents who don’t tell their kids sorry when they’ve messed up, maintaining a mentality that, as parents, they’re somehow always right or can say whatever they want to their kids. In her experience, these relationships are almost always unhealthy as neither parent or child has a lot of respect for the other. She and Ali have always tried to find the perfect balance between being their kids’ parents and talking to them as their equals (within reason, of course, there are still things they protect them from). It’s not always perfect but they’re both proud of the relationship they have with their kids.  

 

“It’s okay,” Maddie mumbles against Ashlyn’s chest. “I love you.”

 

“I love you too, sweetheart,” Ashlyn replies, kissing the top of Maddie’s head. 

 

Maddie pulls back a little, looking Ashlyn in the eyes with an unreadable expression. “So you really wrote all those nice things about me?”

 

“Of course I did,” Ashlyn replies gently, holding eye contact. “I always have and always will think the world of you. It took me a few tries to get the words right but, honestly, writing that was one of the easiest things I’ve ever done. Are you surprised that I wrote it?”

 

Maddie sighs, trying to find the right words. “No, not surprised. I guess it’s just that, like, I’ve always known you adopted me but I don’t know, I just never knew how badly you wanted me is all. Because I know that he didn’t.” Her voice wavers and Ashlyn would swear she could feel her own heart shatter at the sound.

 

“Honey,” she starts, gently placing her hand under Maddie’s chin so she can hold her gaze. “Listen to me, you’ve  _ always  _ been loved and wanted, okay? By Mommy, by me, and by our family and all of our friends. Do you understand? You were the best surprise in the world.” She pulls her into a hug, gently swaying back and forth. She can’t relate, not really, and it pains her that those are even thoughts that pass through her daughter’s head. Luckily, it doesn't come up very often (she can count on one hand the amount of times they've spoken about it in depth since the adoption was finalized) but, in a way, that makes it harder to know how to navigate the topic when it does come up.

 

“Trust me when I say there was nothing I wanted more than to be your mom.” She pauses, resting her chin on Maddie’s head as she gently rubs her back. “Even before Mommy and I were together I always kind of thought of you as my baby.”

 

“Really?” 

 

“Of course. God, how could I not after being there every step of the way? I saw you grow before my eyes at every doctor’s appointment and Mommy woke me up the first time she felt you kick just like I interrupted her shower the first time I felt Olivia kick. Then when you were born I held you in my arms and thought you were mine. I didn’t even mean to--it was just instinctual to think of you as my daughter. Sometimes back then I wished you were my daughter so much that it hurt. I couldn't imagine my life without you then and I certainly can't now. Anyone would be lucky to be your parent and I'm thankful everyday that it gets to be me. I am so, so lucky to have all three of you kids but you didn’t start off as mine and that taught me not to take any one of you for granted.” She pauses, kissing Maddie’s forehead as they hold each other close. 

 

“Well,” Maddie begins after a moment, “I guess he kind of did me a favor by leaving”.

 

“How so?” 

 

“If he hadn't left then you wouldn't be my mom, right? Like, I'd still know you and maybe you'd be my step mom or something but if he was around, I wouldn't have grown up with you as my mom.” 

 

Ashlyn smiles, touched by her daughter’s words as she considers this alternate reality she's proposed. “You were the reason I moved in with Mommy so who knows if we ever would’ve gotten together if things didn't go the way they did.”

 

“Do Em and Livy have a letter too?”

 

“Nope, you’re the only one. Mommy and I were both on their birth certificates from the beginning so we didn’t have to go through the adoption process with them.”

 

“So basically what you’re saying is that I’m your favorite?” Maddie asks with a mischievous glint in her eyes as she pulls back from the hug a little. 

 

“You know I don’t have a favorite.”

 

“They don’t have a cool official letter about how much you love them and you literally just said that I’m the reason you and Mom got together. I’m your favorite.”

 

“You’re all my favorites. All three of you and Mom.”

 

Maddie moves back into Ashlyn’s embrace resting her head on her chest. “Just let me have this for a moment, will you?”

 

Ashlyn sighs, realizing she’s never going to win this battle. “Yes, Alexandra,” she laughs. 

 

“I’m gonna take that as a compliment,” Maddie mumbles against her chest. “Besides, Livy’s kind of like you, you know. I mean, she doesn’t like surfing or anything but she is kind of laid back like you are and she uses that stupid dimple to get out of trouble with Mommy all the time.”

 

Ashlyn gasps as she pulls away from the hug, faux offended. “I do not use my dimple to get out of trouble.”

 

“Oh my god,” Maddie exclaims, rolling her eyes. “Yes you do. What about yesterday when you forgot to put the groceries in the freezer? Mom was going off and you just sat there doing that half frown half smirk thing with your dimple until she calmed down like she couldn’t help but be charmed by the thing even though you’ve known each other like fifty years. Besides, it’s so obvious you use it because she always kisses that spot on your cheek when she’s done yelling.” 

 

“Thirty three years but thanks for that, Mads. Really appreciate you aging us that much. And don’t you dare tell her I do it on purpose or that I taught Olivia how to do it.”

 

“I knew you were full of crap,” Maddie replies, laughing. “Just like Mom taught me and Emmett how to pout to get what we want from you.”

 

“That traitor,” Ashlyn exclaims. 

 

“Oh, God,” Maddie says, her face falling. “You two are going to bicker about that then be disgustingly cute, aren’t you?”

 

Ashlyn shrugs, knowing she can’t give her the no she’s looking for. 

 

“Well I’m going to finish my homework so I don’t have to be around for that.” 

 

When Ashlyn opens the door to let Maddie out of the room, she half expects to find Emmett and Olivia eavesdropping in the hallway, trying to hear if their usually perfect big sister is in trouble. Instead, she finds Ali waiting patiently with her phone in her hands and a laundry basket at her feet. “Everything good?” Ali asks, lifting the laundry basket and entering the bedroom once Maddie has run off to her own. She tosses the wicker basket on the bed, gesturing for Ashlyn to help her put their clothes away. 

 

“Yeah, everything’s good,” Ashlyn replies, digging through the basket and making separate piles of their underwear while Ali folds t-shirts next to her. “She obviously really wanted to go but I explained to her that she’s too young to be going on trips like that with seniors.”

 

“And you were calm?”

 

“Of course I was calm,” Ashlyn retorts, rolling her eyes. 

 

“Hey, it’s not a ridiculous question after what happened earlier,” Ali notes, shrugging. “What about the statement? What’d she say about that?”

 

“That was… hard,” Ashlyn replies honestly. “She was surprised by how much I wanted her because she knows Matt didn’t. And of course I told her that I wanted nothing more than to be her mom and that she was always wanted by us and our families. And I said that I feel like the luckiest person in the world because I get to be her mom. It’s not something that comes up very often but when it does it seems to hit her hard and I didn’t really know how to react.”

 

“It sounds like your response was perfect,” Ali says. “The most important thing is that she knows we love her and there was never any question for us if we wanted her or not. What else did she say?”

 

“Oh, after that she spent the ten minutes antagonizing me.” She crosses the room, dropping their piles of underwear into their dressers. “Did you really teach her and Emmett how to pout to get what they want from me?” 

 

“I did,” Ali answers without any sort of remorse. “And you have no room to talk with the dimple thing you taught Liv.” She moves next to Ashlyn, handing her a pile of t-shirts to put in the dresser. Ashlyn dutifully drops them into the first empty space she finds before turning to face Ali. 

 

Ashlyn wraps her arms around Ali’s waist, pulling her close. She kisses her, slow at first but then more passionate until they’re both breathless. “What do you think the chances are that the kids will leave us alone for the next thirty minutes or so?” She asks, leaning her forehead against Ali’s. 

 

“Well, they’re all supposed to be finishing homework for school tomorrow so I’d say pretty good.” She splits away from Ashlyn, who groans at the lack of contact, to lock their bedroom door. 

 

They get a grand total of ten minutes--all of which are spent kissing in bed--before Olivia knocks on their door. “Mommy, Mama?” she asks through the door. “I did my homework on Friday, will you watch a movie with me?”

 

“God, I forgot our beautiful little nerd was already done with her homework,” Ashlyn groans, reluctantly pulling away from Ali. 

 

“Raincheck,” Ali promises, helping Ashlyn get her shirt back in place before getting out of bed and swinging their door open. 

 

“Whatcha doing? Can we watch a movie?” She asks, standing in the doorway.

 

“Just talking. Of course we can watch a movie,” Ali replies, stepping aside to let her in the room. 

 

“Hey, baby,” Ashlyn says cheerfully, all of her frustration at the interruption dissipating as soon as she sees their youngest. She welcomes her into their bed, and helps her get situated against the pillows as Ali scrolls through the TV looking for a movie to watch. They end up picking a new release Disney movie they’ve already seen a million times but are not quite sick of yet. They’re soon joined by Maddie and Emmett who immediately start jostling for space in their big but not quite big enough bed. 

 

“We need a bigger bed,” Ashlyn notes, smiling. “That or we need to start shipping these kids off to boarding school.” 

 

“You bite your tongue,” Ali admonishes. “We wouldn’t know what to do with a quiet house.”

 

“I can think of a few things,” Ashlyn replies, winking at Ali. 

 

“Gross, Mama,” Maddie groans. 

 

“I was talking about reading, missy.”

 

“Nice try--you don’t know how to read,” Emmett quips, getting a fist bump from Ali. 

 

“What was she really talking about?” Olivia asks, wonderfully innocent and thoroughly confused.

 

“Oh, my sweet angel baby,” Ali breathes, cuddling closer to the seven year old. “Please stay like this forever.”

 

“She was talking about--” Maddie begins but is cut off by Ali’s hand covering her mouth. “--what you probably just interrupted,” she mumbles, finishing her thought as soon as Ali moves her hand. 

 

Olivia, who was told they were talking when Ali opened the door, accepts this answer and returns her attention to the movie, none the wiser. When the credits begin to roll, all three kids beg to watch another movie and begin debating which one to watch, trying to put off bedtime for as long as possible. 

 

“Nope, bedtime for all the kids,” Ali says, shooing them out of the room to get ready for bed. When she locks the door and turns back around, ready to continue where they left off before the two hour interruption, she finds Ashlyn slumped against the pillows, already asleep. “I meant for the three actual kids to go to bed not my big one,” she grumbles, rolling her eyes. She gets ready for bed quietly before slipping under the covers next to her wife who sleepily nuzzles up to her. “Night, beautiful,” she whispers, pressing a kiss to Ashlyn’s temple. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As of now, this is the last one :( So in case I don't end up writing another part, thank you so much for reading and loving on this universe. I've loved writing and sharing it with you!


	10. college

 

Now Ali knows how her parents felt. 

 

From the time Maddie was a freshman in high school, there’s been talk of her being scouted by college swim programs from all over the country and by her senior year, they’re overrun by offers. Part of Ali wants Maddie to pick a local school so they can visit easily while the other part of her wants Maddie to go where her heart is. She’s been through the recruiting process before and while soccer and swimming are different sports, the process is still largely the same and while Ali offers her advice, she is determined to let Maddie make the decision herself. Ashlyn, meanwhile, has no qualms about openly preferring local schools. 

 

When it comes time for Maddie to visit the University of Florida, Ashlyn makes no secret that it’s where she wants Maddie to go and while it’s Ali’s preference too (it’s close to home and her alma mater, after all), she keeps her opinion to herself as they tour campus and the swim facilities. 

 

“What do you think, Mom?” Maddie asks once they’re out to lunch at one of Ali’s old favorite places. “You’ve been quiet.” 

 

“Yeah, Al, are you sick?” Ashlyn adds, playfully nudging her wife’s side. 

 

Ali rolls her eyes at Ashlyn’s comment and turns her attention to Maddie on the other side of the booth. “I love it, obviously. I spent four years here and I wouldn’t trade my time here for anything. But you have to make your own decision and Mama and I will support you no matter what.” 

 

Maddie nods, pausing to take a sip of water. “It’s really nice,” she starts. “And I could come home and visit whenever I want.” 

 

“But,” Ali prompts. She knows there’s one coming and having seen herself how much Maddie loved some of the other schools they’ve visited, she knows that Maddie likely won’t end up in Gainesville no matter how much Ashlyn champions the idea. 

 

“But I can’t get Cal-Berkely out of my head. It has everything I want. Not only is the swim program amazing, the social work program is one of the best in the country as well.” Like Ali, Maddie has always known what she wanted and ever since she was old enough to understand her own history, she’s wanted to go into adoption social work. Even knowing what she knows about her earliest existence, she has never felt unloved or unwanted and she’s always felt incredibly fortunate that Ashlyn chose to be her mom (though Ashlyn would argue she didn’t have much of a choice at all and that it came as natural as breathing). There’s nothing she wants more than to help find families for children who are not as lucky as she was. It’s what she wants to do in life and Cal’s program will be a major stepping stone to a fulfilling career. 

 

“Then you should go to Cal,” Ali says. 

 

“Or you could go here,” Ashlyn tries, earning a glare from both Ali and Maddie. “I just love you and want my baby close, that’s all.” 

 

“I know, Mama,” Maddie says. She looks down at her hands as she toys with her discarded straw wrapper, wrapping it around her finger over and over before the flimsy paper finally rips. “I want to be close to home, too,” she admits. “I’d miss you guys a lot and I’d feel guilty leaving Emmett and Livy. I mean, Liv’s only ten, she’s gonna need me, you know?”

 

“She has us and Emmett,” Ali assures. 

 

Maddie nods, fighting to hold back tears. Despite (or maybe because of) their age difference, she and Olivia are incredibly close and if there’s anyone who could keep her at a closer school despite liking other schools more, it’s her little sister. “I know that but I’m her big sister and as much as we tell you guys, there will always be things that just she and I share. I’ll be away at school from the time she’s eleven until she’s fifteen, that’s a long time to miss out on.”

 

“She can text and call you as much as she wants,” Ashlyn promises. As much as she wants Maddie to stay close to home, she wants Maddie to make the best decision for her, not the best decision for everyone else. If that means four years of Maddie being across the country then so be it. “And we’ll visit as much as possible.” 

 

“Think of it this way,” Ali begins, “you’ll be done with undergrad before Liv has to decide what school she wants to attend.”

 

Ashlyn nods her agreement. “That girl adores you so much she’ll probably pick whatever school you graduate from.” 

 

Finally, Maddie smiles. “Guess you guys are gonna have to get used to wearing Cal blue and gold.”

 

“Guess so,” Ashlyn agrees. 

 

The more they talk about Maddie’s decision, the more it becomes clear that her heart was set on Cal the entire time and that the reason she seriously considered other schools is because she was reluctant to choose somewhere so far away from her parents and siblings. Ali and Ashlyn support her wholeheartedly but when they go to bed that night, they share their reservations. 

 

“Our baby is gonna go 3,000 miles away for school,” Ashlyn marvels. “I’m gonna miss that kid.” 

 

“Me too,” Ali agrees. “We’re gonna wrack up the frequent flier miles, that’s for sure.” 

 

“I wish she liked Florida more. I was really hoping she would love it as much as you did.”

 

“Honestly, I’m just glad she didn’t pick Georgia,” Ali half jokes. She wanted Maddie to make her own decision, yes, but she did mention once or twice that she’d be disowned if she went to a rival SEC school and Maddie seriously considered Georgia. Ali’s not sure she could ever handle wearing a Georgia shirt, even in support of her beloved daughter. “And I kinda knew she was gonna pick Cal as soon as we visited. I remember how I felt when I went on my visit to Florida and I could just tell how much she loved Cal. I knew no where else we visited would even come close. It was just a matter of convincing her that she needs to go where she wants to go, not where we would want her to go. Which you were no help with, by the way.” 

 

Ashlyn shrugs, a guilty look on her face. “I can’t help that I want our baby to stay close to home.” 

 

Ali rolls her eyes but doesn’t reply. She knows exactly how Ashlyn feels and most of the time it felt like Ashlyn was speaking for the both of them on the topic. “Have you ever heard anything more Maddie than her wanting to stay close to home for Emmett and Liv?”

 

“She’s pretty special,” Ashlyn says. “And as scary as it is to know she’s going so far away, I know that we’ve done a great job raising her and she’ll be more than okay.”

 

“We have done a great job, haven’t we? Though, I’m kind of nervous about how Em and Liv are gonna take the news.” As much as she loves that the kids are all close, she can’t help but worry that it’ll work against them in this case, making it harder for Emmett and Olivia to accept Maddie’s choice. It’ll be a rough transition for all of them to have Maddie so far away but she knows it’s the best choice for Maddie’s future. She’ll continue championing the decision no matter how much she’s going to miss her daughter. Even the thought of saying goodbye to her pushes her to tears as Ashlyn pulls her closer. 

 

“It’s okay,” Ashlyn whispers, trying in vain to dry Ali’s tears. 

 

“How is our baby old enough to be going to college?” She nuzzles her head into Ashlyn’s chest, finally letting her emotions flow. 

 

“I wish we could stop time,” Ashlyn says. She rubs her wife’s back, barely holding back tears herself. “God, how many times have we said that over the years? It feels like we’ve been saying that ever since Maddie started sleeping through the night.” 

 

“Let’s have another one,” Ali tries. She misses the days when the kids were little and relied on them. She never thought it would happen but she misses those long, crazy days when their kids were young. Back then, the days seemed endless and it felt like she and Ashlyn would never have privacy again but now faced with a kid going away to college and their youngest heading to middle school, she would give anything to experience those days again. 

 

“Al, we can’t just have another baby.” 

 

“Why not?” Ali demands, sitting up to face Ashlyn. “We’re still young and energetic. We could totally have another baby.” 

 

“We’re 42, that’s hardly young,” Ashlyn reasons. “And we can’t have another baby just to replace Maddie when she moves out. It’s a big commitment. Shit, we’d be sixty by the time that kid would graduate high school.”

 

“I think it’s a good idea,” Ali says, crossing her arms and pouting. “Will you at least consider it? Or, hey, we could look into adoption. We always talked about doing that, remember?” 

 

Ashlyn sighs. She wants to pacify Ali, she really does, but another baby at their age is almost unimaginable, if only because they’ve already made it through the stage of having young children. If they’d started having kids at 35 instead of 25, the answer would likely be different but Ashlyn can’t fathom starting over again. Besides, while Ali seems serious about the idea, Ashlyn worries that it’s more of a mid-life crisis suggestion than a legitimate one. They’ve talked before about adding to their family one more time but those talks mostly stopped as soon as they turned 40 so she’s not sure why it’s coming up again now other than out of realization that their kids are growing up. “We don’t need to talk about this tonight,” she finally says, which feels like the best compromise she can offer at the moment. “It’s been an emotional day and this is a decision we would have to think long and hard about, okay?”

 

Ali is quiet for a moment and Ashlyn briefly worries that she’s mad. “Yeah, you’re right,” Ali says. “Definitely not something to decide right now.”

 

~

 

They don’t have to wait long to find out Emmett and Olivia’s reactions to the news because Maddie calls the coaches at Cal the next afternoon to give them her verbal commitment before pulling Ali and Ashlyn aside to tell them she wants to make her announcement over dinner. She knows that her younger siblings might not take the news well so having her moms there to support her is important. As planned, they’re only ten minutes into the meal when Ali brings up their visit to Gainesville, giving Maddie the opportunity to segue into talking about her final decision. The entire family went to California with her when she visited Cal and Stanford so they all remember just how hard she’d fallen for her chosen school.

 

Emmett is a brooding fourteen year old so at first, he tries to play it cool. “Oh, awesome,” he says before changing the subject to talk about the high school’s upcoming baseball tryouts and how he hopes to at least make the junior varsity team if not the varsity team.

 

“Aren’t you happy for your sister?” Ashlyn prompts. 

 

“I just said it’s awesome,” Emmett snaps. He returns his attention to his food with an annoyed eye roll but his sadness is clear to both of his moms who decide to let the topic go for the moment. 

 

Olivia, meanwhile, merely picks at her food for a few minutes before ultimately giving up and excusing herself to her room. Maddie immediately follows her younger sister which leaves Ali and Ashlyn time to talk to Emmett about how he’s feeling. 

 

“I’m gonna miss her too, bud,” Ali says. “It’s okay to be sad that she’s going far away.” 

 

Emmett looks down at his plate, avoiding eye contact. “I’m not sad,” he lies. 

 

“Em,” Ashlyn says, reaching to take his hand. 

 

“I’m happy for her,” he tries again. 

 

“So am I,” Ali agrees. “But you know what? I’m still sad that she’s going so far away. It doesn’t mean I’m any less happy for her, it just means that I’m going to miss her.” 

 

Emmett finally looks up and looks between Ali and Ashlyn to gauge their reactions to the news. They’d seemed so happy for Maddie that he never stopped to consider that it’s okay to feel both happy and sad. “Most of my friends hate their older sisters unless they’re driving us places,” he laughs. 

 

“Yeah, well, you have a pretty great sister. Two of them, actually,” Ali replies. “But look at Uncle Kyle and I, yeah? I’ve stayed relatively close to home because I love it here and he’s gone back and forth between New York and LA and we’re still super close. No matter how far Maddie is, it won’t change how much she loves you. In fact, you’ll probably fight less because you won’t get sick of each other.”

 

“And you won’t have to ask her to turn down her music every twenty minutes,” Ashlyn offers, eliciting a laugh from both Ali and Emmett. 

 

“Mama and I are going to miss her so much you’ll probably get sick of flying out to visit every chance the four of us get,” Ali adds. 

 

This seems to satisfy Emmett who finishes off the rest of his food so he can go upstairs to finish his homework for the night. When twenty minutes pass without any sign of Maddie or Olivia, Ali and Ashlyn wrap up their leftovers before heading upstairs to find the two girls sitting on Olivia’s bed, laughing as Maddie braids Olivia’s hair. 

 

“Everything okay?” Ali asks as she and Ashlyn enter the room. 

 

Maddie nods as she concentrates on getting the perfect french braid. “Liv asked if I would braid her hair for school tomorrow.” 

 

Ali may never know what the two talked about since Olivia abruptly left the dinner table but both girls seem happy so she’s not going to question how they got from point A to point B. The two have a special bond and while she dreads the moment they have to say goodbye to Maddie, she knows that it would take a hell of a lot more than physical distance to break the bond Maddie has with the family. 

 

~

 

Maddie signs her National Letter of Intent in the Spring, her proud parents and siblings all decked out in Cal t-shirts as they celebrate her official commitment to the school of her dreams. Celebrating Maddie and her incredible achievement is easy but when it comes time to fly across the country and help move her into her new dorm room, they’re all unable to hide their sadness. 

 

“Be safe and call Mom and I if you need anything,” Ashlyn says, barely holding back tears as she hugs Maddie goodbye just before they have to leave for the airport to catch their flight home. 

 

“I will,” Maddie promises. She holds Ashlyn tight as they sway back and forth a little. “Don’t catch any good waves without me and I’ll find the best places to surf out here for when you come visit, okay? I’ll be home for Thanksgiving and Christmas.”  _ And your birthday,  _ she thinks, remembering the flight Ali booked for her to come home as a surprise for Ashlyn’s birthday. Even still, she’s never been this far away from her family for this long and the thought of waiting over two months to see them again finally gets to her as she buries her face in Ashlyn’s t-shirt and starts crying. This starts a chain reaction and soon, all five of them are brushing tears away from their eyes. 

 

Olivia is the last to say goodbye and it’s almost harder for Ali to watch the two of them part than it was for her to say goodbye herself. 

 

“Make sure you annoy Emmett enough for both of us,” Maddie says, resting her chin on Olivia’s head as she holds her close. “And keep me updated on all the good sixth grade drama and gossip. And if anyone makes fun of you for being too smart tell them to kiss your ass.”

 

Under normal circumstances, this last request would have made Olivia laugh. But now with only a few minutes left together, all she can do is nod as she tries to catch her breath. Maddie shoots Ali and Ashlyn a concerned look as she crouches to Olivia’s level, looking her in the eyes. 

 

“It’s okay, Livy,” Maddie says. “We’ll talk everyday and I’ll be home to visit in a few months. If you want, you can sleep in my room while I’m gone.” She finally gets Olivia to calm down enough to say goodbye just before the family (sans Maddie, of course) has to leave for the airport. 

 

Olivia makes it all the way to the rental car before she loses it again. Ali hardly has time to react from her place in the passenger seat before she hears Emmett consoling his little sister. Ali turns around in her seat, watching as Emmett wraps his arm around Olivia’s shoulders and attempts to calm her, despite looking near tears himself. While Maddie gets along with both of her siblings (for the most part), Emmett and Olivia tend to bicker so tender moments like these are few and far between. In fact, just fifteen minutes later, they’re back to arguing over the back seat temperature controls and everything feels like it’s back to normal, despite how much they already miss Maddie.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been thinking about this universe a lot recently and this happened ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


	11. first kiss

 

Maddie being so far away is an adjustment for everyone. It’s mostly a difficult adjustment but over time, it brings Emmett and Olivia closer together and brings Ali and Ashlyn closer to both of their youngest kids. As was evident when they said goodbye, Olivia has the hardest time dealing with Maddie’s absence so it comes as no surprise that Emmett becomes much more protective of his little sister and that Olivia clings to her moms and big brother just a little more. The time she used to spend with Maddie is now spent with her parents or brother, bringing them all that much closer. She still tells Maddie everything, of course, but with the time difference and Maddie’s school and training schedule, she’s often not the first person to hear things anymore.

 

Like when Olivia starts her period at age twelve, just before starting her seventh grade year.

 

Or when she has her first kiss at the eighth grade end of year dance. She wants to tell Maddie first, she really does, but it’s finals week at Cal and Maddie doesn’t answer the phone when Olivia calls. Ali and Ashlyn pick her up from the dance together and even if she wanted to, she can’t hide her excitement.

 

“Someone had a good time at the dance,” Ali notes with a smile from the driver’s seat.

 

“The new girl kissed me,” Olivia blurts.

 

Ashlyn whips her head around to look at Olivia. “Was that--?”

 

“My first kiss?” Olivia finishes. “Yeah.”

 

Ali and Ashlyn share an amused look. As same sex parents, they have always been open with their children about gender and sexuality and their kids know that their moms will support them no matter what. The most important thing is that their kids end up with people who treat them right and make them happy. Olivia has always spoken about crushes on boys and girls so this comes as no surprise.

 

“Mama was my first kiss,” Ali says.

 

“I know, you’ve only told me the story a million times,” Olivia sasses.

 

“Tell us about her,” Ashlyn requests. “Do you like her? How did it happen? I thought there were supposed to be chaperones at these types of dances. Actually, you know what, maybe Mom and I should volunteer to chaperone the next one.”

 

“Ash, let her talk,” Ali says, shooting a glare in her wife’s direction as they stop at a light.

“Yeah, I guess I like her. She’s only been at my school for a month and I’ve been showing her around a lot because she’s in a few of my classes. She’s really nice and cute. And there were chaperones, Mama, but we were in the bathroom taking pictures. I’m not really sure how it happened but we were taking pictures and laughing and then we kissed.”

 

“Yeah, Mom and I definitely need to chaperone the next one,” Ashlyn says.

 

“My next dance will be when I’m in high school next year,” Olivia says, as if this will deter Ashlyn.

 

“All the more reason for us to chaperone.”

 

Ali shakes her head at Ashlyn’s protectiveness. Ashlyn is protective of all the kids but she’s always been decidedly overprotective of Olivia. Not only is Olivia their youngest, she was also a preemie and spent her first few weeks in the NICU, the memories of which linger in her moms’ minds all these years later. She’s pretty feisty and intimidatingly intelligent but neither Ali nor Ashlyn can shake the memories of her as a helpless preemie and are just a tad overprotective as a result.

 

“You called Mads right away, I’m guessing?” Ali asks as they pull into the driveway.

 

“I tried but I think she’s studying,” Olivia replies with a shrug. As if on cue, her phone starts ringing with an incoming call from Maddie. Olivia jumps out of the car and sprints into the house, leaving Ali and Ashlyn alone in the car to process the conversation they’ve just had.

 

“We’re really fucking old,” Ali comments, eliciting a laugh from Ashlyn. “Maddie is a junior in _college,_ Emmett is about to graduate high school, and our sweet, sweet baby Liv just had her first kiss. How is she older than five?”

 

“She’s definitely not five anymore,” Ashlyn replies. “She’ll be in high school next year.”

 

Ali leads the way into the house and immediately heads for the kitchen to pour two large glasses of wine, which she knows they both need after the conversation they just had with their youngest. “I’m so not ready for more dating drama,” she says.

 

Ashlyn shrugs as she sips her wine. “Liv is pretty laid back so hopefully there won’t be too much drama.”

 

“Yeah but you made her so let’s hope she doesn’t take after you too much,” Ali says pointedly.

 

“What do you mean by that?” Ashlyn questions, unsure of whether or not she should be offended.

 

“I mean that you were voted ‘biggest flirt’ all four years of high school and you tended to focus more on your love life than on school.”

 

“That’s fair but, hey, at least I never won ‘most generous’ because we all know what that category was about.”

 

“You have a point there,” Ali laughs.

 

“Anyway, Liv is much smarter than I ever was and I don’t think anything could fully distract her from her school work. Hell, Maddie got a full ride for swimming and I wouldn’t be surprised if Liv gets an academic one. Plus, it all worked out for me, didn’t it? I got my dream wife and family so it all worked in my favor.” She sets her glass on the counter and wraps her arms around Ali’s waist to pull her in for a kiss. When they break apart, she can’t quite help the grin on her face. “Damn, if only we’d gotten our act together at Liv’s age. Just imagine how much time we could’ve spent kissing in the school bathrooms.”

 

“We probably would’ve been expelled.”

 

“Nah,” Ashlyn begins with a smirk, “I knew all the best places where we wouldn’t get caught: under the stairwell, the darkroom in the photography lab, God, the amount of times I made out with Paige Walding in there.”

 

“Yeah, remind me to say hi to her at our next reunion,” Ali grumbles with an eye roll.

 

“Really, Al? Over 25 years since we graduated, 18 of which we’ve spent married, and you’re still jealous of someone I haven’t thought about since high school?”

 

“You never made out with me in the darkroom,” Ali shrugs, pursing her lips in displeasure.

 

Ashlyn laughs as she pulls Ali into a hug. “First parent teacher conference next year, I promise. We’ll sneak off and make out in the darkroom if it’ll make you happy. We’ll embarrass Liv so bad, it’ll be great.”

 

“Hmm, you might be onto something there but I was hoping you’d make it up to me much sooner than that,” Ali replies, playfully nipping at Ashlyn’s ear. She’s trailing kisses to Ashlyn’s lips when they’re interrupted by Emmett shuffling into the kitchen.

 

“Gross,” he mumbles. “Don’t you have a bedroom?”

 

“We do,” Ali replies, untangling herself from Ashlyn’s embrace. “But I couldn’t resist. Besides, we pay the bills so we can kiss wherever we want and you just have to deal with it.”

 

“I hate you guys. You know that, right?” Emmett teases as he pours himself a glass of water.

 

“Love you too, bud,” Ashlyn replies, smirking. “Is your homework done?”

 

Emmett shakes his head, sipping his water. “It’s Friday,” he says.

 

“I’m aware but you know it’s always easier to get it done so it’s not left for Sunday night.”

 

“I know, I know,” Emmett rolls his eyes. “What’s Liv so excited about?”

 

Ali and Ashlyn fill Emmett in on what they know which, to be fair, isn’t that much as Ashlyn kept derailing the conversation in the car to dance supervision rather than focusing on Olivia. Emmett hasn’t met the new girl but her older sister is in the grade below him and she seems nice and normal which makes Ali and Ashlyn feel a little better about not knowing much about the younger sister who has caught Olivia’s eye.

 

They retire to bed to catch up on their shows as soon as they finish their wine. They can hear that Olivia is still on the phone when they pass by her room but based on how nervous she sounds, Ali knows she likely hung up with Maddie and is now talking to mystery girl (she makes a mental note to learn her name). Sure enough, Olivia knocks on their door a few minutes later looking both nervous and excited.

 

She’s cute and innocent for a few minutes as she sits cross legged on her moms’ bed and it wouldn’t take a body language expert to know that she’s about to ask for something.

 

Finally, Ashlyn grows impatient. “Just spit it out. What do you want?” she prompts.

 

“Can’t I just want to hang out with you without wanting something?”

 

Ali and Ashlyn shake their heads in unison.

 

“Fine,” Olivia groans. “Grace wants to hang out tomorrow so I said maybe she could come over here. Maybe spend some time in the water. And if you really love me you’d let her stay the night.”

 

“Grace? I’ve never heard of--” Ali begins before it dawns on her exactly who Grace is. “Oh, right.” Finally, she turns to Ashlyn, gauging her reaction to this request. “What do you think?”

 

Ashlyn shrugs. “I don’t have a problem with it,” she answers. “We should meet her anyway.”

 

“Thank you, thank you, thank you,” Olivia exclaims, leaning in to hug both of her moms.

 

“Wait a second,” Ashlyn says. “You do know that you’ll have to follow the same rules Emmett does when he has a girl over, right?”

 

Olivia rolls her eyes as she leans back on her hands. “We’re not gonna do anything, Mama. We’re not even dating or whatever.”

 

“I know you’re not gonna do anything because you’re going to follow the rules.”

 

“Wait, so she can’t sleep in my room even if we leave the door open?”

 

“That’s something Mama and I will still have to discuss,” Ali replies. “But for now don’t plan on it.”

 

“You let Maddie and Liam sleep in Maddie’s bed when they’re here,” Olivia half protests.

 

“Maddie is twenty-one and has been dating Liam for two and a half years, of course they have some different rules,” Ashlyn replies. “Now get out of here and close the door so Mom and I can break our own rules,” she teases, eliciting a groan from Olivia and a laugh from Ali.

 

“Yeah, you might want to put your headphones on,” Ali chimes in. “Just for your own sanity, you know?”

 

“You guys are disgusting,” Olivia grumbles, dramatically throwing herself backwards on the bed to lie down.

 

“Hey,” Ashlyn protests, “how could our love be disgusting? We’re still hot. You know how many times I’ve caught some of your brother’s horrible friends checking out your mom’s ass? Too fucking many. It’s a great ass, don’t get me wrong, but we’re not exactly in their age range.”

 

“See? That’s why you’re gross. You’re old you’re not supposed to still act like teenagers. You’re supposed to, I don’t know, do crosswords in bed not anything else.”

 

“We do crosswords on our phones,” Ali says. “But that doesn’t mean we still don’t have a little fun. You’d be lucky to end up with someone you love as much as Mama and I love each other. Someone you can’t keep your hands off of even twenty years later. And I don’t just mean in a romantic way; I mean having someone you always want to be close to.”

 

Olivia nods her understanding. As much as her moms’ affectionate ways tends to gross her out, Ali does have a point and she has always looked to her parents as a model for love, as have her older siblings. “Maybe Grace is that person,” she says.

 

“Maybe,” Ali agrees. “But maybe not. You don’t have to feel pressured to find that person right now, you still have a long time to find that person.”

 

“You and Mama met when you were six. You never let us forget that, remember?”

 

“We did but trust me, baby, that’s pretty unusual,” Ashlyn replies. “You don’t need to worry about any of that right now. All you need to worry about is if you have feelings for Grace then you should pursue something but if not, don’t feel obligated to start something because you think you need to be like me and Mom.”

 

“I do really like her,” Olivia offers.

 

“Then tell us about her,” Ali says.

 

Olivia spends the next thirty minutes telling them all about Grace. How they met when Grace unknowingly sat in Olivia’s usual spot in second period on her first day at her new school. For someone who takes school as seriously as Olivia does, this was a pretty major annoyance but she decided to take it easy on the new student and took the normally open desk next to her usual one. After that, she resolved herself to helping Grace settle into her new school and they’ve slowly built a friendship ever since. Even now, she hasn’t asked for her second period desk back which she insists is because the view of the smartboard is better from her new desk. Ali and Ashlyn see right through this explanation, however, and they know that she just hasn’t had the heart to ask Grace to switch. If it were anyone else, she likely would have taken her seat back the next day but it’s clear she felt something for Grace from the start.

 

They talk for nearly an hour about Grace and other happenings in Olivia’s life as she and her classmates finish middle school and prepare to enter high school in the fall. The three of them are so wrapped up in talking that it’s nearly midnight before Olivia remembers she should text Grace back to confirm their plans, leaving Ali and Ashlyn alone in their bedroom once again.

 

“So, about this sleepover,” Ali starts as soon as Olivia has left.

 

The rules for Emmett are simple: his girlfriend is not allowed to stay the night and if they’re upstairs together, they have to leave his bedroom door open. Other than that, Ali and Ashlyn leave them alone for the most part, largely because Emmett has never given them a reason to distrust him.

 

Now that Maddie is an adult who has been dating the same guy for nearly three years, her rules have evolved and she and Liam have a lot more freedom when they visit.

 

With Olivia, it’s clear that they’ll need yet another set of rules.

 

They know how deeply their own relationship is rooted in friendship. Although Olivia and Grace have only known each other for a little over a month, it’s clear from Olivia’s stories that whatever is happening between them is rooted in the exact same feelings and emotions.

 

“I’m not sure how to handle this,” Ashlyn says. “Livy isn’t even fourteen yet so whatever happens between them, I don’t think they’ll be sexually active for a while. I mean, we know Liv’s not ready but most importantly, she knows she’s not ready. Even if they kiss a little, they’ll probably spend most of the night doing what thirteen year old girls do. They’re gonna watch movies and talk about life and make up dances to their favorite songs.”

 

“Right,” Ali agrees. “But I don’t want to set rules now just to change them in a couple of years or you know, preferably closer to ten,” she says, eliciting a laugh from Ashlyn. “Maddie and Emmett had the same set of rules from as soon as they started dating and it’s only been recently that we’re more lenient with Mad. Even if Olivia’s rules are a little different from theirs, they still need to be consistent.”

 

“So what do we do?”

 

“Well, if she ends up dating a boy at some point, she’ll follow the same rules as Maddie and Emmett.”

 

“Agreed,” Ashlyn says.

 

“And with Grace or any other girl, I think it’s fair that they don’t close her door while in her room together unless there’s someone else in there with them. Same with sleeping in there. So if she has other friends over, they can all be in there with the door closed and they can all sleep in there. If it’s just her and Grace, no closed door and one of them will either have to sleep on the couch or in Maddie’s room. If they both want to sleep in a common area like the living room or the family room then they could do that as well. But I don’t think they should both be allowed to sleep in her room even with the door open.”

 

Ashlyn mulls over these guidelines for a moment, attempting to think of flaws or anything they may have missed. “I think that’s more than fair,” she finally agrees. “We’ll be able to keep the rules consistent for as long as she lives here and they’re mostly in line with Maddie and Emmett’s rules.”

 

“I wonder if Grace’s parents know what’s going on between them,” Ali muses. “If they are, I think we should talk to them about the rules we’ve set to see if they have any additional input.”

 

“We’ll have to ask Liv tomorrow morning. But for now, I seem to remember me needing to make it up to you that we never made out in the darkroom in high school,” Ashlyn says as she begins lightly trailing her fingers up and down Ali’s thigh.

 

“Excellent memory,” Ali says, moving to capture Ashlyn’s lips in a kiss.

 

~

 

In the morning, Ali and Ashlyn haven’t even finished their first cups of coffee yet when Olivia joins them in the kitchen. It’s unusually early for the thirteen year old which Olivia explains when she sleepily mumbles that she couldn’t sleep.

 

Ali greets Olivia with a kiss to the forehead as she stands to start breakfast. “Want eggs, baby? I’m gonna make some for me and Mama.”

 

“Please,” Olivia replies.

 

They’re quiet as Ali cooks, giving Olivia a little more time to fully wake up. Once they’re eating, however, Ali decides to continue their discussion from last night. They go over the rules first so there are no questions about their expectations for tonight and any future sleepover involving Grace. Just as Olivia is about to leave the table to rinse off her plate, Ashlyn stops her. “Mom and I were wondering if Grace’s parents know what’s going on between you two,” she says. “Because if they do, we’d like to run our rules by them and see what they think.”

 

“She said when we talked last night that she told her dad,” Olivia offers. “Her mom died a few years ago so she tells him literally everything. I think she said he was gonna come talk to you when he drops her off today.”

 

“Oh, wow, that must have been hard for her to lose her mom so young,” Ali says.

 

Olivia nods. “She told me the full story a few days ago after school. She was pretty upset all day and when I asked why she said it would have been her mom’s birthday. I didn’t really know what to say so I said I have enough moms to share which made her laugh really hard. She’s really excited to meet you guys. Her dad is great but she misses having a mom around so I think she’s looking forward to being around you.”

 

“We’ll be on our best mom behavior,” Ashlyn promises.

 

“Oh, God, you’re gonna be annoying about homework and chores and not going too far out into the ocean, aren’t you?”

 

“We’re moms, it’s what we do,” Ali answers with a grin. “If we didn’t do that you’d know there’s something wrong with us.”

 

~

 

When Grace’s dad, Eric, drops Grace off that afternoon, he comes to the door with his daughter to meet Ali and Ashlyn. Although Olivia assured them that he knows what happened between her and Grace, they’re somewhat hesitant to bring it up. Luckily, he broaches the subject first as the three parents sit together in the living room.

 

“I’m guessing you two know what happened at the dance last night,” Eric says.

 

“Yes,” Ali replies. “And we’ve already discussed our rules for tonight and any future sleepover.”

 

They give Eric a rundown of their rules which he agrees with and promises to keep the same standards at his own home. As a same sex couple themselves, they have a much better idea of what would be appropriate and inappropriate for the girls so he tells them he trusts their judgement. If they need to reevaluate the rules at a different time, they absolutely will, but for now, the three of them are content with the current guidelines. He’s hardly out of the driveway yet when Olivia and Grace come downstairs in their swim cover ups and sandals, ready to spend the day in the water.

 

“Hold up,” Ashlyn says just as the girls are about to go outside. “We’ll go out with you just wait until we get ready.”

 

“Can we at least go out and put sunblock on while we wait for you?” Olivia asks.

 

“That’s fine but make sure you get everywhere, okay? We can’t send Grace home with a sunburn.”

 

Even Emmett joins them on the beach so the five of them spend a nice, relaxing afternoon in the water. They initially planned on giving the girls some space but, as Olivia told them the night before, Grace is incredibly friendly and takes some time getting to know the family. She’s very sweet and it’s clear to Ali why her daughter is so drawn to her. Olivia is shy and pretty quiet and it’s immediately obvious that she and Grace balance each other out.

 

Grace is so outgoing that she sits in the living room and chats with Ali while Olivia takes her turn rinsing off in the kids’ shower and Ashlyn takes a shower in the master bathroom.  

 

“So how do you like living here so far?” Ali asks.

 

Grace shrugs. “It was a little hard at first because I didn’t know anyone but Liv has been so nice and introduced me to her friends. I don’t know what I would’ve done without her.”

 

“I’m sure you would’ve been just fine,” Ali assures. “But Liv is a great person to have in your life. I’m biased because I’m her mom but still.”

 

“Yeah, I’m pretty lucky that I took the desk next to hers on my first day,” Grace grins.

 

“Well, from everything I’ve learned about you, Liv is pretty lucky as well.”

 

“I really, really like her,” Grace offers. “But it’s kinda weird because I’ve never liked anyone this much before and I don’t really know what to do.”

 

Ali scoots closer to Grace on the couch and puts an arm around her. “No one knows what they’re doing at first, I promise. Even Ash and I were a little awkward when we first started dating even though we’d be friends for twenty years by that point. Just talk about things and be open if you’re uncomfortable with something to make sure you’re on the same page.”

 

“Hey, what are we talking about?” Ashlyn asks, towel drying her hair as she comes downstairs.

 

“Just a little motherly dating advice,” Ali replies with a grin.

 

When Olivia makes her way downstairs a few minutes later, she and Grace decide to watch a movie in the family room while Ali and Ashlyn stay in the living room and tune into the Orlando City game on TV. By the sounds of it, Olivia and Grace don’t pay much attention to their movie as Ali and Ashlyn can hear indistinct chatter the entire time. It’s so reminiscent of when they were younger that Ali is taken aback at times as she thinks about the similar road she and Ashlyn took. Olivia is not quite fourteen years old so only time will tell what’s in store for her and Grace. The odds are certainly stacked against them but Ali knows from experience that sometimes the bonds formed at a young age are the ones that last forever.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> once again, this universe would not leave me alone. if you have any suggestions for other one shots in it or questions about what happens to the characters let me know bc apparently i'm inspired by these characters all over again ;)


	12. parent teacher conferences

 

Ali would never let Ashlyn break a promise to her but as luck would have it, Ashlyn’s school has a staff meeting the same night as the high school’s parent teacher conferences, leaving Ashlyn unable to attend. Ali’s not even sure if Ashlyn remembers the playful promise to get up to some of Ashlyn’s old tricks at the event but Ali makes sure to jog her memory by sending her flirty texts throughout the evening as she and Olivia wait in line to speak to her teachers. Luckily, when the spring conferences roll around, Ashlyn’s schedule is wide open so she attends the conferences alongside Ali and Olivia (who always goes to hear her teachers gush over her). 

 

It's the same thing as always: Olivia is a great student and every teacher wishes they could have a classroom full of students like her. Ali loves hearing the amazing things said about her daughter, of course, but they've heard the same things for years on end and tonight is no different. Per Olivia’s request, they save her science teacher for last. Science is her favorite subject and Ms. Gilmore her favorite teacher so it comes as no surprise when Ms. Gilmore gives yet another glowing review. In fact, she wants Olivia to attend science camp this summer and requests that Ali and Ashlyn stay until everyone else finishes up and they can go to her classroom to discuss the matter further. The conferences are almost over and a few other parents are staying for the same reason so Ali and Ashlyn agree and leave Ms. Gilmore’s table with just over half an hour to kill. 

 

“I'm gonna go hang with Grace,” Olivia says as soon as they walk out of the gym where the conferences are taking place. Grace has been offered a spot at science camp as well and is hovering by the refreshment table with her dad while they wait for Ms. Gilmore. 

 

“Guess it’s just us,” Ali says, linking hands with Ashlyn as she leads her out of the gym where the conferences are taking place. 

 

“Shouldn't we go socialize with other parents or something?” 

 

“Nah, I don't feel like socializing tonight,” Ali replies. 

 

“Oh, yeah? What is it you feel like doing?” 

 

Ali smirks as she pulls Ashlyn in for a quick, chaste kiss. “You,” she whispers. “You know, so you can make good on your promise and I won't feel jealous of Paige at our next school reunion.” 

 

Ashlyn rolls her eyes at her wife’s antics as they continue walking through the school. Most of the classrooms are unsurprisingly locked but they do eventually find one that's open and Ali eagerly drags her wife inside. “Al, we shouldn't do this,” Ashlyn whispers as if there's anyone around them to hear. 

 

“Just kissing, I promise,” Ali replies. When Ashlyn doesn't protest any further, she leans forward and captures her lips in a slow, languid kiss. She tangles her hands in Ashlyn's hair and Ashlyn, getting a little carried away, puts her hands under Ali’s ass and lifts her, carrying her a few steps before setting her down on a student’s desk. 

 

As promised, they stick to kissing but they do lose themselves a bit and before they know it, the door handle is turning and they rush to break apart as the door opens to reveal Ms. Gilmore, Olivia, Grace, Grace’s dad, and a few other students and parents they don't recognize. 

 

Almost everyone tries to act like they don't know what they just walked in on and begin filing into the room to discuss the matter at hand. Ali moves down to sit in the desk on which she’d been perched while Ashlyn slides into the next desk over and avoids eye contact with everyone, including her wife. 

 

Olivia, meanwhile, is simultaneously mortified and pissed off. “What the fuck?” She whispers harshly as her moms try desperately to smooth their appearances. They'd worn the same lipstick for a reason but it's not a terribly effective strategy when you're walked in on by a large group of people including your daughter and her teacher. 

 

“Language,” Ashlyn warns.They’re pretty lax about swearing at home (if that’s the worst their kids do then they have pretty damn good kids) but they’re a little more strict about it in public.

 

“Don't make out in my classroom,” Olivia counters. 

 

Finally, Ms. Gilmore pipes up, “I can offer you a cold shower, if you'd like,” she quips, pointing to the emergency shower station in the lab portion of the classroom. 

 

“I hate my life,” Olivia mutters under her breath as the adults all laugh. Grace, as usual, is a comforting presence by her side and gently takes Olivia's hand in her own. It's been just under a year since they met and much to their respective parents’ delight, they've taken their relationship slowly. In the months following their first kiss, not much changed. They kissed every so often but they were still getting to know one another and figuring out what they want so it wasn't too common of an occurrence. Only when Grace asked Olivia to be her homecoming date did they take the next step and even since then, they've moved at a glacial pace. They’ve only been using the word ‘girlfriend’ for a few weeks. 

 

Luckily for everyone’s sanity, Ms. Gilmore quickly gets the meeting back on track and tells the gathered parents and students about the five day camp in early July. She passes out brochures and speaks for no longer than ten minutes before she’s sending everyone on their way. 

 

When the meeting is over, both Ashlyn and Olivia can’t seem to get away fast enough but upon seeing that Ali is hanging back to speak to Ms. Gilmore, Ashlyn retreats back into the classroom while Olivia pauses outside. 

 

“I am so sorry, Ms. Gilmore,” Ali begins, standing to speak to the teacher. 

 

Ms. Gilmore waves a hand dismissively. “Don’t worry about it. It’s not the first time it’s happened. Actually, it’s kind of something I wanted to talk to you two about anyway. I know that Olivia and Grace are dating and I wondered how you’d feel if they both attend camp. I’m sure they would want to be in the same cabin and I wasn’t sure what your rules are.” 

 

“Our rule at home is that unless someone is in the room with them, they’re not allowed to be in Liv’s room with the door closed. So as long as other people are assigned to the cabin it should be okay,” Ali replies. 

 

“I can assure you that at least one other student and an adult--possibly myself--will be assigned to their cabin but I don’t know that there will always be someone else in there when they are. I’m sure you know summer camps at that age are almost as much about sneaking around as they are about the intended purpose of the camp.”

 

“Oh, we’re very aware of that,” Ali says. “Our oldest, Maddie, used to go to swim camp every summer. When she was 16, she knew a girl who got pregnant at camp. She ended up giving the baby up for adoption so she could keep her college scholarship.” 

 

“Won’t have that problem with these two,” Ashlyn offers. It’s the first thing she’s said since they were caught and, naturally, it comes in the form of a joke.  

 

“We know that teenagers are mostly gonna do what they want to do,” Ali says. “But we have a pretty open relationship with Liv so we’ll remind her of the rules and tell her that we expect nothing less than a glowing report from you or any other chaperone.” 

 

“Perfect,” Ms. Gilmore replies. “Let me know if you have any questions or concerns.” 

 

The three adults say their goodbyes and when Ali and Ashlyn walk out into the hallway, they find a sulking Olivia. None of them say anything until they get home, all lost in their own thoughts. As soon as they’re in the door, Olivia tries to escape up to her bedroom but Ashlyn stops her as Ali gets three bowls of ice cream situated around the kitchen island. 

 

“We are so sorry, baby,” Ashlyn says once they’re all sitting on the tall stools around the island. 

 

“Did it have to be my classroom?” 

 

“All the other ones were locked,” Ashlyn shrugs. 

 

“That’s not the point,” Ali says. “The point is that we shouldn’t have done it.” 

 

“Right, we shouldn’t have done it,” Ashlyn agrees. 

 

Olivia sighs and takes a big bite of ice cream. “I’m supposed to be the idiot teenager in love not you two,” she finally says. 

 

“I know, honey,” Ali says. “Wait, you’re in love with Grace?” she questions. It’s not necessarily a surprise but Olivia tells them almost everything and this is the first she’s heard on that front. 

 

“Yeah, I think so,” Olivia replies, smiling. “Actually, when Ms. Gilmore asked if we’d be interested in this camp after class today I decided that if we both get to go to camp, I’d tell her I love her while we’re there.” 

 

“That’s my girl,” Ashlyn says, throwing an arm around Olivia’s shoulders. 

 

“Well, we should probably talk about this camp thing,” Ali says. “If you both go, you understand that we expect you to be on good behavior and that we don’t want to hear any bad reports, right? We trust you but we also know the things that happen at these camps.” 

 

“Oh,” Olivia begins, looking down at her ice cream to avoid eye contact. “Well I’m not ready for… that… so you don’t have to worry too much about it. I mean, I love her and we’ve kind of been a thing for almost a year so sometimes I think I should feel ready but I don’t.” 

 

“Honey, it’s not about how long you’ve been together,” Ashlyn says. “It’s about you and how you feel and if you’re not ready then you’re not ready. There’s no rush.” 

 

“When did you, um, feel ready?” 

 

“I was fifteen when I had sex for the first time but looking back I don't think I was ready at the time. I probably should have waited another year or two,” Ashlyn answers. 

 

“Seventeen,” Ali adds. 

 

“A lot of people in my grade are already having sex,” Olivia says. 

 

“Like Mama said, it’s about you and you alone,” Ali replies. “No one else can make the decision for you. And you know you can always come to us about it, right? We want you to talk to us and we’re not going to judge you at all. Same goes for Grace. I’m sure there are certain things she doesn’t want to talk to her dad about so as long as he’s okay with her talking to us about it, we’re here for her too. We won’t steer her wrong.” 

 

“And that’s why I think she likes you guys better than she likes me sometimes,” Olivia says. 

 

“At least one of you still likes us,” Ashlyn teases. 

 

“Yeah, well, she doesn’t have to worry about how she’ll face Ms. Gilmore tomorrow.” 

 

“It’ll be okay,” Ashlyn promises, kissing Olivia’s forehead as Ali moves to the sink to rinse their bowls and spoons. 

 

“I’m gonna go look up the camp and then go to bed,” Olivia says. 

 

Ali crosses the kitchen to give Olivia a hug and kiss. “Night, sweetheart, I love you.” 

 

“Love you too even though you guys are the worst.” 

 

“Fair enough,” Ashlyn laughs. With Olivia headed upstairs, Ashlyn finally turns to Ali to discuss the events of the night. “I cannot believe we did that. God, we’re in our 40s and there we were acting like high schoolers.” 

 

“I kinda enjoyed it,” Ali says, shrugging. 

 

“Oh, I’m not saying I didn’t enjoy it. I just didn’t enjoy getting caught.” 

 

Suddenly, Ashlyn jumps off of her stool at the island and takes Ali’s hand. She leads her upstairs so Ali naturally assumes they’re heading for their bedroom but Ashlyn instead leads them right into their office where Ali sometimes works from home. 

 

“This’ll do, right?” Ashlyn questions. “I gotta admit, it was kinda hot making out with you on that desk and, well, we won’t get caught in here and even if we do it’s our own damn house.” 

 

Ali shushes Ashlyn and connects their lips. It's been nearly two hours since they were interrupted but they pick up almost exactly where they left off. Ashlyn strips Ali of her dress and lifts her onto the desk. She stands in between her wife’s thighs which she grips tightly as they kiss. They move just as slowly as they did in the classroom, taking their time to build themselves up. Just as Ashlyn is about to take Ali’s bra off, Ali bursts out laughing. 

 

“Sorry, sorry,” she says through her giggles. “I just can't believe we were caught earlier--their faces were too funny.” 

 

As much as Ali is amused, Ashlyn is not. “Really, Al? I'm working my magic here and you're cracking up because our daughter, her girlfriend, their teacher, and a bunch of other students and parents caught us in the act earlier?” Her words do nothing to deter Ali’s amusement. In fact, it makes her laugh even harder which, in turn, makes Ashlyn laugh as well. 

 

“How many other parents can say they've been offered a cold shower by their kid’s teacher,” Ali muses once they settle a little, eliciting another laugh from Ashlyn. 

 

“Probably not many,” Ashlyn says, wiping tears of laughter from her eyes. “First time we’ve ever been walked in on by one of our kids and it was at school.” 

 

Ali lets out one last giggle and attempts to pull Ashlyn close to her once again. “Okay, sorry, as you were.” 

 

“As if you didn't just kill the mood,” Ashlyn teases. 

 

“Well I know a sure fire way to get you back in the mood.” 

 

“Oh yeah?” 

 

Ali nods confidently. “Let’s go take a bath together,” she says. 

 

“I like the way you think.” 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okriegerpress commented on the last chapter that they'd like to see Ali and Ash making good on the promise to make out in the darkroom so here you go ;)
> 
> I have an idea for an installment of this fic that goes back in time to right before they got together and goes deeper into what Ash was feeling at the time. Is that something you guys would be interested in?


	13. pining

 

There’s not a day that goes by that Ashlyn doesn’t wonder what life would be like if Ali and Maddie were hers.

 

At seven months old, Maddie is learning and growing every single day and while Ashlyn loves seeing these changes first hand, she worries about what’s to come. Right now, Maddie doesn’t know the difference between the roles she and Ali play in her life. Afterall, why should she? They’re the two people who are always with her and who take care of her needs and who give her endless love and attention. Right now, Ali and Ashlyn play such similar roles that if Ashlyn holds Maddie when she’s hungry, she’ll often attempt to nuzzle into Ashlyn’s chest in search of food. She knows enough to know where it comes from but hasn’t yet figured out that it’s something only Ali can provide. Though Ashlyn feels guilty that she can’t help her out (at least, without a bottle), she likes that Maddie doesn’t know there’s a difference between her role and Ali’s role.

 

She dreads the day Maddie understands the difference.

 

She dreads the day Maddie starts talking and calls Ali mommy while she remains Ashlyn. Worse, she dreads the day Ali finds the person who will be Maddie’s second parent. Of course she wants Ali and Maddie to have someone who loves them and who provides that additional love and support but she’s not sure she’ll be able to handle seeing them in someone else’s arms.

 

Someone else will play the tooth fairy, santa, and the easter bunny alongside Ali. Someone else will tuck Maddie back into bed after a nightmare. Someone else will help teach her how to drive and will walk her down the aisle (if she decides to get married) with Ali on Maddie’s other side.

 

Someone else will get to love Ali. They’ll get to share a bed and a family and a life together. Someone else will get to propose to Ali, to see the excited look on her face when they present her with a diamond ring. They’ll get to wait at the other end of the aisle for her and plan to have more kids together. They’ll go to their kids’ soccer games and graduations together. They’ll raise Maddie and her younger siblings together and one day, they’ll spoil their grandkids silly, just as Deb and Ken spoil Maddie.

 

The three of them will share everything together and while Ashlyn will always remain a part of their lives, she’ll play less of a role than she does now. It makes her feel sick just thinking about it.

 

Part of her is jealous of Ali. Ali’s place in Madeline’s life will always be the same while Ashlyn’s role will shift and change like the tide, dependent upon countless factors. If Ashlyn wasn’t so involved now, it wouldn’t be so bad. She’d be the cool honorary aunt who would spoil Maddie and who would always be there for Maddie to talk to. But she is involved. She’s involved every single day. She has her own copies of pregnancy and parenting books, the majority of which are just as worn as Ali’s copies. She’s spent hours upon hours researching parenting tips and how to deal with things like diaper rashes and teething and she carries countless baby supplies in her backpack every time she leaves the house with Maddie. She’s so involved that Maddie often feels like she’s both of theirs and it breaks Ashlyn’s heart when she remembers that Maddie is not her daughter.

 

She’s been in love with Ali for over a decade but for a long time had given up all hope that they’d end up together. Once Maddie was born, however, these feelings came roaring back stronger than ever before. Seeing Ali as a mom is one of the most beautiful things she’s ever had the pleasure of experiencing and it made her fall deeper in love with Ali.

 

The older Maddie gets, the deeper her feelings for both of them run.

 

She’s having a particularly rough day on the day Ali goes out with Liz and some other friends, leaving Maddie in Ashlyn’s care for the evening. When Ali brought up these potential plans over a week ago, Ashlyn figured it would be a great time to invite Whit over to spend some quality time together while she’s on baby duty. With Ashlyn’s emotions all out of whack, she needs this time with Whit almost as badly as Ali needs to get out of the house and let loose for a few hours.

 

Whit hits a bit of traffic on her way from Orlando so Ali has already left to get ready at Liz’s when Whitney arrives at the house, overnight bag in hand.

 

“Hey,” Ashlyn says, getting off the floor where she’s playing with Maddie to greet her best friend (besides Ali, of course).

 

Whitney returns Ashlyn’s hug for only a second before she’s bending down to pick Maddie up off of her playmat, smothering the baby in kisses. “Hi, sweetie,” she coos. “Oh, you’re so big now.”

 

Maddie grins at the attention but looks a little uneasy about the newcomer and she turns in Whitney’s arms to reach for Ashlyn who takes the little girl into her own arms. “Sorry,” Ashlyn says. “She’s kind of in a weird stage right now; she’d hardly go to Deb and Ken the other night when they came over. I don’t know why but she’s been extra clingy with me and Ali the last few weeks.”

 

“No worries at all, I’m sure she’ll warm up,” Whit replies easily as the trio settles onto the couch.

 

It’s close to Maddie’s naptime so it comes as no surprise that she slowly drifts off to sleep with her head on Ashlyn’s shoulder as the adults talk. When it becomes clear that Maddie is out, Whitney smiles at her best friend. “It’s so cute how much she adores you,” she notes.

 

Ashlyn glances down at the sleeping baby, all those emotions she’s been feeling coming to the forefront of her mind. “The feeling is mutual. Actually, I’ve kind of been having a hard time with it recently.”

 

This takes Whitney by surprise. “What? Why?”

 

“I just--” Ashlyn begins, pausing as she gathers her thoughts. “I love both of them so much and it makes me sad that it’s not going to be like this forever. Eventually, someone else will come into their life and I’ll move out. I won’t get to be the one that comes home to them everyday and that’s really hard to deal with. It gets harder to think about all the time and Ali’s been talking about dating again recently which obviously doesn’t help.”

 

Whitney is well versed in Ashlyn’s feelings for Ali and her advice now is the same as it’s always been: tell her. “I know you’re convinced she doesn’t feel the same way but I still think you should talk to her about it.”

 

Just as Whitney’s advice is always the same, Ashlyn’s response is always the same. “I don’t want things to be weird. How can I be like ‘hey, I’ve been in love with you since we were kids and I can’t imagine ever loving anyone half as much as I love you’ and not make it weird?”

 

“First, I still think she might have feelings for you too. Second, even if she doesn’t feel the same way, it’s not like you’re gonna stop being friends. It’ll feel good to get it off your chest.”

 

Maddie stirs in her sleep a little so Ashlyn turns her attention to the baby and gently rocks her back to sleep, pondering Whitney’s advice. “I have a lot I could lose here,” she finally says, not bothering to look away from Maddie.

 

“But just think about how much you could gain,” Whit reasons.

 

“You really think Ali could feel the same way?”

 

Whitney shrugs. “It’s hard to tell because you two have always been exceptionally close. But, you know, along those same lines, you’re even closer than some couples I know. You’re basically already married so as long as Ali can stand waking up to your ugly mug, I don’t see why she wouldn’t be into you.”

 

“I already sleep in her bed most nights,” Ashlyn offers.

 

“See? You’re already married. It’s like you’ve been married fifty years: you love each other a lot but you don’t have sex,” Whitney says, eliciting a laugh from Ashlyn. “And even if she doesn’t feel the same way, you two have this incredible, unbreakable bond so, yeah, you might have to share her heart one day but no one is going to replace you. Same with Maddie. No matter what, I know you’ll always be one of the most important people in their lives. You’re such a big part of their lives and that will never change.”

 

Mercifully, their conversation soon switches to happier things and when Maddie wakes up from her nap, all of their attention is on her, leaving Ashlyn little time to dwell on her feelings. She offers her bed to Whitney that night and sleeps in Ali’s so she’s woken when the Uber drops Ali off after one in the morning.

 

“Did you have fun?” Ashlyn sleepily asks.

 

“So fun,” Ali replies, slurring just a little. “Do we have enough milk supply in the fridge? I need to pump but I’m a little drunk so we can’t use any of it. I had to come home because I was gonna start leaking. Honestly, why doesn’t anyone warn you about that when you have a kid? And it’s bullshit because we have to dump it; we don’t need a drunk baby.”

 

If Ashlyn weren’t so tired, she’d laugh about this moment. She’s laugh about how a baby changes _everything,_ just as she’s always heard but never fully understood. Before Maddie, drunk Ali would already be half naked and passed out in bed. Now, drunk Ali is solely focused on what is best for her daughter. “We have a few bottles left in the fridge,” Ashlyn replies. “Certainly enough for when she wakes in a few hours and for her morning feeding. I’ll get up with her in a few hours and thaw some of the milk in the freezer just in case.”

 

“You’re the best,” Ali says, leaning down to kiss Ashlyn on the cheek. “We are so, so, so lucky to have you.”

 

Ali falls asleep against the headboard and when Ashlyn wakes up to Maddie’s cries at four in the morning, she stifles a laugh at Ali fast asleep with the breast pump loosely clutched in her hand, only half full of milk to be discarded. She gently takes it from Ali and sets it on the nightstand so she can cover Ali with a blanket. Even in her sleep, Ali senses what’s happening and scoots down the bed to rest her head on the pillow as Ashlyn tucks her in.

 

Whitney is right, Ashlyn realizes.

 

No one else besides her and Ali get up in the middle of the night with Maddie. No one else discusses things like milk supplies and sleep schedules with Ali. They’re raising Maddie together and Ashlyn has to trust that Ali will always be considerate of how deeply she loves Maddie. No matter who else joins them one day, she knows Ali will always let her be part of the parenting team. She knows she’ll always be included in events and decisions both big and small because that’s who Ali is.

 

Or, if she can get up the courage to tell Ali how she feels, maybe she won’t have to worry about this at all. Maybe Whitney is right on all counts and Ali really does feel the same way.

 

_Think about how much you could gain._

 

Everything. The answer is everything, which Ashlyn has an adorable glimpse of as soon as she enters Maddie’s room with a bottle. Maddie had been crying but lights up with a smile as soon as she sees Ashlyn. This is what Ashlyn has to gain. Ali sleeping peacefully in what might as well be their bed and an adorable baby that Ashlyn loves as her own. She promises herself right then and there that one day soon, she’ll tell Ali how she feels. In the meantime, there’s no better place to start than with Maddie.

 

She scoops the seven month old out of her crib and settles onto the rocking chair to feed the baby. As Maddie eats, Ashlyn voices her feelings to someone other than Whitney for the first time.

 

“I’m madly in love with your mommy,” she starts, already feeling a weight lifted off of her shoulders. “Why wouldn’t I be? She’s so kind and hilarious and the strongest person I know. She’s the best mom too which I’m sure you already know.” She takes Maddie’s bottle away for a moment to press a kiss to her cheeks.

 

“You two are my favorite people in the world and I fall in love with you both more and more every day. She was my very first crush when we were kids and I was so scared because we’re both girls and society always told us that was wrong. But as I grew up, I learned that I’m actually pretty lucky to like girls and I figured that your mommy would always be my best friend and that I’d marry a different girl. And I tried it. I tried to find someone I loved as much as or more than I love Ali and you know what? It didn’t happen. At least, it didn’t happen until you were born. You’re how I knew my feelings for her would never go away or could ever be covered up by loving someone else. If the only person I ever loved as much as Ali is Ali’s daughter, I knew I was in trouble for the rest of my life.”

 

She kisses Maddie’s cheek again before continuing, “I can’t lie, baby, this whole situation has been really, really hard on me recently. And it hasn’t been hard because I’m unhappy. Just the opposite, actually. I’m so happy that I never want this to end. How could I ever move out and not see your cute little face everyday or talk to your mommy about my day as we make dinner? I want to have all the big things with you two but I think the little things are what I’d miss the most. Whit helped me realize that I have to say something because if I don’t, I could lose you guys to someone else and I don’t know how I could move on.”

 

By now, Maddie has finished her bottle so Ashlyn sets it aside as Maddie starts babbling at her. “What do you think? Should I talk to your mommy about how I feel? If she feels the same way I would get to be your mom too so I want your opinion.”

 

Maddie doesn’t make any noise at Ashlyn’s question. Instead, she leans forward and nuzzles her head into the crook of Ashlyn’s neck, getting sleepier by the second. “Okay, okay,” Ashlyn sighs. “I’ll put you back to sleep. I have to practice being a good mom in case your mommy loves me too. We’ll leave the partying with you all night to auntie Whit, how about that?”

 

Ashlyn stays with Maddie in the rocking chair the rest of the night. Maddie seems to sleep fine but Ashlyn doesn’t sleep much at all as she considers how she might finally broach the topic she’s avoided for half her life.

 

She plans to tell Ali in a nice, romantic way. She only gets one chance to confess her feelings and she wants to do it right. She’s not sure when she’ll have the courage to do it but she knows now that it’s something that needs to be done and it needs to be done soon. Of course, she’s thought about telling Ali countless times throughout her life but has never mustered up the courage for one reason or another.

 

This, though, this feels different.

 

It’s different because it’s no longer just the two of them and while that makes it more daunting, it also makes it more imperative than it’s ever been. If nothing else, Ashlyn can no longer go through life wondering about the hypotheticals. She cannot sit idly by and watch someone else come into Ali and Maddie’s life without knowing what might have been. All she has to do is wait for the perfect moment.

 

As it turns out, the perfect moment doesn’t come. In fact, it’s just a week later when Ali has her first date since Matt. Ashlyn is down enough as it is, thinking she missed her opportunity to tell Ali how she feels that when she sees Catherine for the first time, she can’t hide her frustration.

Now, there’s no turning back.

 

No, her confession isn’t as emotional and romantic as she planned. It’s so imperfect that even in the moment, Ashlyn knows it’ll be something they laugh about for the rest of their lives.

 

Being with Ali is so, so much sweeter than Ashlyn imagined. And considering she’s daydreamed about being with Ali for over a decade, she imagined it would be pretty damn sweet. She and Ali have been through everything together and they’ve seen each other at their best and at their worst. Hell, Ashlyn even saw Ali give birth. So, naturally, she assumed she knew everything about Ali. It wasn’t an unreasonable assumption by any means but Ashlyn very quickly finds that she was wrong. Although they shared a certain level of intimacy after twenty years of friendship, there are certain things that Ashlyn only learns once they’re finally together.

 

Like Ali’s affinity for leaving love bites all over Ashlyn’s body.

 

Like how much Ali loves cuddling naked even if they don't have sex (though they often do).

 

Like how Ali has waited for this moment for nearly their entire lives and how badly she wished from the start that Ashlyn was Maddie’s mom too.

 

They bare their souls to one another that night and with everything out in the open, Ashlyn finally realizes the heaviness of the secret she carried for so long. Only in its absence does she realize just how much it weighed her down, how much it weighed their relationship down.

 

They never do settle the debate of who was more in love with whom. The playful argument continues for their first few weeks as a couple, until Ali finally hunts down their old journals in the attic in an attempt to prove just how deep her feelings ran and for how long.

 

“Al, are you serious?” Ashlyn asks as Ali settles onto the couch with their box of old journals.

 

In response, Ali simply hands Ashlyn her journal from around the time of their first kiss. They always had matching journals so Ali finds her identical one and begins to flip through the pages. It’s been over a decade but she knows the exact date she’s looking for and even if she didn’t remember exactly, the entries in question are easy enough to find because they’re the only ones written in pencil, a decision made by 15 year old Ali because it felt so much less permanent and scary to write in pencil than pen.

 

“Here,” Ali says, eyes scanning the page for a moment as the memories come flooding back. She begins reading aloud and although Ashlyn thinks this whole thing has gotten out of hand, she listens quietly.

 

_February 3, 2006_

 

_I can’t stop thinking about my kiss with Ashlyn and I don’t know why. It’s been two weeks now and I haven’t stopped thinking about it. Nick finally asked me out last week. He’s a fine kisser, I guess, but every time he kisses me all I can think about is Ashlyn. Every time he kisses me I think about how his lips aren’t as soft and his breath doesn’t smell as good as Ashlyn’s. I don’t know, maybe I can’t stop thinking about it because it was my first kiss. People always remember their first kiss, right? Besides, she’s my best friend so of course I’m going to compare everyone to her._

_Sometimes I worry that I can’t stop thinking about it because it felt right. It can’t be right though, can it? She likes girls and I don’t judge her at all but I don’t like girls in the way she does. But if I don’t like girls then why did I like kissing her so much? And why do I keep dreaming that I’m kissing her again?_

_I wish I could talk to her about this. It always helps to talk to her about things but I can’t talk to her about this. All I know is that I can’t have a crush on her. She’s my best friend and I don’t want anything to screw that up. Besides, even if I do like her, I’m not as brave as she and Kyle are. I see the way people stare if Ash holds hands with a girl and I’ve told countless football players to go to hell after hearing things they said about Kyle. They are brave and I’m just… Ali. Even if I do like Ashlyn I could never be as brave as her and Kyle._

_Anyway, Nick is really cute and nice and I do like him so as long as I can stop thinking about my kiss with Ashlyn, I think things will be really, really good with him._

 

 

When Ali is done reading, Ashlyn wraps her protectively in a hug and presses a kiss to the top of her head. “Hey, babe,” she says, the newness of the pet name making both of them smile, “you know you could have talked to me, right?”

 

“I know but it felt like something I had to figure out on my own,” Ali replies. She tilts her head to draw Ashlyn into a kiss, her lips curling into a smile because this is something they can do freely now. “I wonder where we would be if we’d talked about things back then.”

 

“I don’t know,” Ashlyn replies, mulling over Ali’s question. “The only thing I know is that we wouldn’t have that beautiful angel sleeping upstairs. We probably wouldn’t have any kids yet and if we did, none of them would be Maddie.”

 

“You’re absolutely right and I’m really glad it took us so long to figure it out. I can’t imagine life without her any more than I could imagine life without you.”

 

“Neither can I. That nugget is my favorite. I would do anything for her--you know that, right? I know you’re aware of how much I love her but I want to make sure you know that my relationship with her is just as important to me as my relationship with you.”

 

Ali shifts in Ashlyn’s arms so they’re facing each other and gently palms Ashlyn’s cheek with one hand. “I know, baby. That’s why I referred to you as her mama before we even went on our first date.”

 

“I just want to make sure you know that it’s not something I take lightly and I don’t take any of it for granted,” Ashlyn says as she tries to control her emotions.

 

“Ash, believe me when I say that the relationship you have with her is the most beautiful thing on the planet. You don’t have to tell me you’re going to be a good parent because you’ve been doing it ever since we knew I was pregnant. Remember that first night when you came over and made me a special smoothie you looked up so she and I would get all the right nutrients? You have no idea how much that meant to me and I knew from that moment on that the two of you would have an incredible bond--maybe one that even I can’t understand. We didn’t know it at the time but the moment you moved in here is the moment you became her parent. It’s been your place in her life from the very beginning. You’ve been so selfless and wonderful and, honestly, it’s about damn time you get to take on the title of her mom because that’s what you are. We’re equals and we’re in this together. It’s really that simple to me.”

 

“Thank you. You have no idea how much that means to me,” Ashlyn replies.

 

“And you have no idea how much it means to me that you love her as much as you do. That you love both of us as much as you do. Now, I don’t know about you but I need a nap before we move the rest of your stuff into our room.”

 

As they fall asleep, Ashlyn holds Ali tighter than she ever has before. She loves hearing Ali refer to her as Maddie’s mom and that certainly speaks for itself but this was a conversation that needed to happen. Ashlyn spent so much time questioning her place in Maddie’s life that she needed to hear Ali tell her that they’re equals and that they’re in this together. She needed the reassurance and now that she has it, they can move forward as a family.  

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this deeper look into how Ashlyn felt just before they got together :)


	14. getaway

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ali and Ashlyn go on a trip for their 15th anniversary and get some news from home

  
  


While the kids are young, almost everything revolves around them, including vacations. They make an effort to go on a family vacation every year and while Ali and Ashlyn enjoy their time together as a family, they wish it was easier to get some alone time on these trips. The summer of their 15th wedding anniversary and Maddie’s last summer at home before college, they decide to take two trips: the traditional week long family vacation and a separate trip to celebrate their anniversary. 

 

With Maddie moving away to college at the end of summer and all the graduation parties to attend, the family of five takes their trip to Denver almost as soon as the kids are out of school for the summer. It’s always one of their favorite destinations and this trip feels extra special, all of them clinging to these last moments as a family before Maddie moves across the country. 

 

When they return from Denver, Ali and Ashlyn have a mere two weeks to prepare for their upcoming trip to Barcelona. They’ve been to the Spanish city as a family before during one of their bigger and more expensive vacations and it’s somewhere they’ve always wanted to visit again without the kids in tow. 

 

Just before before Ali and Ashlyn have to leave for the airport, they gather the kids around the kitchen table for a family meeting.

 

“Maddie, you’re in charge,” Ashlyn says. “But we expect all three of you to be responsible and work together while we’re gone, understood? All three of you know the rules and you’re all old enough to be responsible for your own decisions.” 

 

“You all have everyone’s phone numbers, right? Don’t hesitate to call your grandparents or Uncle Chris if you need anything,” Ali says.

 

“Guys, we’ve been alone before we know how this goes,” Maddie says. 

 

“I know, we’re just making you know,” Ali replies. “You’ve never been alone this long before.” 

 

“We’ll be fine,” Maddie assures. 

 

“Yeah, I mean, I’m just gonna play video games the whole time,” Emmett adds. “And Liv has enough books to last her a month.” 

 

Despite their reassurances, Ali is still nervous about leaving them alone for an entire week, especially when they’ll be all the way in Europe. The only reason they’re comfortable enough to leave for so long is that both of their families offered to keep an eye on the kids while they’re gone. Without their families nearby, they’d probably just take a long weekend to the Keys so they could come home fairly quickly if needed. Even with their families nearby, they’d considered more local destinations but it’s their 15th anniversary and they want to make it extra special. 

 

Saying goodbye to the kids is difficult and both Ali and Ashlyn are quiet for the first half hour of their drive to the airport. At some point, however, the mood switches from melancholy to excitement and they spend the rest of the drive chatting about the things they want to do in Barcelona. 

 

They order drinks on the plane and Ashlyn raises her glass in a toast. “To a kid free week of sex, drinking, and sightseeing,” she says. 

 

“Here, here,” Ali replies, clinking her wine glass against’s Ashlyn’s whiskey one. Two glasses of wine later, she grows sleepy and falls asleep with her head on Ashlyn’s shoulder. 

 

~

 

It takes nearly a full day of travel to arrive in Barcelona so when they finally arrive at the hotel, the only thing on their minds is rest. Luckily, it’s nighttime so they can give into the jet lag and collapse into their hotel bed without worrying about wasting the day. 

 

Ali wakes with the sun the next morning, feeling refreshed and ready to really start their trip. Ashlyn’s school starts an hour earlier than Ali starts work so it’s not often that she wakes before her wife and she plans to take full advantage of it. She scoots closer to her and kisses her way from just underneath Ashlyn’s ear to her lips until Ashlyn finally wakes. 

 

“I love it when you do that,” Ashlyn says, voice still thick with sleep. “It always means it’s gonna be a good day.” 

 

“It’s gonna be a great day,” Ali promises. She rolls on top of Ashlyn and kisses her soundly. Ashlyn is still waking up so she’s a little slower than normal which Ali kind of loves because she can control their pace. 

 

With Ali kissing her the way she is, it doesn’t take long for Ashlyn to fully wake up. Her hands roam up and down Ali’s torso--sometimes over her shirt and sometimes under--before she finally brings them lower and settles them onto Ali’s ass, using the leverage this provides to pull her wife impossibly closer. Before this, Ali seemed perfectly content with kissing but Ashlyn’s hands on her ass sparks a change and she starts moving things along as she trails kisses down Ashlyn’s neck. Even this doesn’t satisfy Ali for long and she quickly begins tugging at the hem of Ashlyn’s shirt as if she can somehow take it off while lying on top of her. When she finally gives up on this impossible quest, she’s more impatient than ever. 

 

“Off,” she demands, sitting up enough so Ashlyn can remove her t shirt. 

 

The look in Ali’s eyes and her commanding tone causes Ashlyn to balk for a second and she would swear that she could come with just a simple touch. When she finally does as she’s been told, she’s rewarded with one of the most lustful and loving expressions she’s ever seen from Ali. 

 

“All these years later and you’re still the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen,” Ali says. She palms Ashlyn’s cheek with her hand, brushing gently with her thumb. “I am so lucky to love and be loved by you and I’m excited to spend this week together without any interruptions. Just us.” 

 

Between work and the kids, it’s been so long since they’ve been able to wake up like this and Ali is savoring every moment of it. 

 

~

 

It’s nearly lunchtime by the time Ali and Ashlyn finally make it out of their hotel room. They hadn’t planned anything specific for the day in case they were too jetlagged to want to do anything so they take their time at lunch before deciding to explore the city. 

 

“Can you believe it’s been fifteen years?” Ashlyn muses as they walk hand in hand through the city. “This time fifteen years ago we were getting ready for our wedding rehearsal.” 

 

“Remember how Maddie walked right down the aisle and into your arms? She refused to let you put her down.” To this day, the pictures of Ashlyn standing at the altar for their rehearsal with Maddie in her arms are some of her favorites because it highlighted the deep, pure love they’ve always shared. 

 

“Yeah, we had to bribe her with fruit snacks to sit in her seat at the wedding,” Ashlyn says. “She was so damn cute there’s no way I wasn’t gonna hold her when she wanted to be held.”

 

“I never really imagined having a kid by the time I got married but I loved that we got to share it with her. I kind of wish Emmett and Livy got to see it too.”

 

“We should renew our vows for our twentieth anniversary. Something super small at our house and we’ll have a bonfire on the beach afterwards,” Ashlyn suggests. 

 

“I love that idea. We’ll get to share it with our kids and our closest friends.” 

 

“Consider it a plan, then,” Ashlyn says, pulling Ali in for a quick kiss. 

 

They spend their entire first day walking around the city and shopping a little before they retire to their hotel fairly early in the evening. They have a big day planned the next day for their anniversary and they can use all the rest they can get. 

 

The morning of their anniversary starts nearly the same as the day before except this time it’s Ashlyn waking Ali with kisses. “Happy anniversary, baby,” she says when Ali opens her eyes. 

 

“Happy anniversary,” Ali says, a smile gracing her lips. 

 

Unlike the previous morning, they don’t have too much time to waste in bed before they have things to do so they make the most of their shared shower without lingering too long. 

 

As per their tradition, they exchange gifts throughout the day rather than saving them all until the evening. It’s not something they ever planned to do but both had wanted to make their first anniversary special and gave the other a small gift in the morning over breakfast while saving the larger gift for dinner. It’s a system that works really well for them as it gives them time to appreciate the smaller gifts before they get the bigger ones that would inevitably steal the show. 

 

The fifteenth anniversary traditionally involves crystal, watches, and/ or rubies so it comes as no surprise that both women start by giving the other ruby jewelry. Ashlyn’s gift to Ali comes in the form of a necklace with three circular rubies situated in a triangle, representing their July anniversary and both Ali and Olivia’s birth month. Ali’s gift to Ashlyn is a sterling silver ring with six small princess cut rubies evenly spaced through the band. The center of the band has a braided effect which Ali explains she loves because their lives have always been intertwined. 

 

“I’m obsessed with this, Al, thank you,” Ashlyn says as she slips the new ring onto her right middle finger. 

 

“You’re off to a great start yourself,” Ali replies, fastening the necklace around her neck. 

 

After breakfast, the couple heads to their meeting spot for the combined Montserrat tour and wine tasting, a part of the trip both looked forward to as they never get to do wine tastings on family vacations. Today, however, it’s the two of them, the warm July sun and lots and lots of wine. They tour the monastery first followed by the castle and, finally, the vineyard before they get to taste the wines.

 

“We need, like, three bottles of this one,” Ali says, pointing to her favorite at the end of the tasting. “We’ll definitely be able to finish them while we’re here.” 

 

“Shit, knowing you, we’ll probably be able to finish them by tomorrow.”

 

“Don’t tempt me to get more, we both know three bottles will be expensive enough.” 

 

In the end, all the costs (including the cost of three bottles of wine) and the hour long bus ride to and from Barcelona are absolutely worth it as both women leave the tasting feeling perfectly tipsy and ready for the rest of the night. 

 

Once back at the hotel, they get dressed for their anniversary dinner. In keeping with the ruby theme, Ali wears a gorgeous deep red lace wrap dress that falls just above her knees while Ashlyn goes for a similarly classic look of a black suit with a white button down that’s left open at the neck. Her hair is perfectly coiffed and when she flashes a smile at Ali as they get ready to exchange gifts, Ali wishes they didn’t have dinner reservations so they could stay in their room all night. 

 

“Shit, Ash,” she breathes. She runs her hands down Ashlyn’s chest, partially to smooth her lapels and partially because it would be nearly impossible for her to keep her hands off of Ashlyn when she looks like that. 

 

Ashlyn knows where Ali’s mind is and presses a gentle kiss to the shorter woman’s forehead before taking a few steps back, putting the necessary space between them so they can actually make their dinner reservation. 

 

“I can’t wait to take that suit off of you tonight but I’m glad at least one of us has some self control right now,” Ali says. She moves to where her suitcase is and retrieves a small wrapped package from the bottom and returns to where Ashlyn is standing. “You first.” 

 

Ashlyn eagerly tears off the wrapping paper to reveal a cedar box with engraving on the side, her wife’s words nearly bringing tears to her eyes. 

 

_ For my best friend and the love of my life. Thanks for a lifetime of memories and for fifteen wonderful years of marriage. Here’s to many more. I love you and our family more than words could ever express. Love, Alex.  _

 

The box itself is so beautiful that Ashlyn stares at it in awe for a few moments. “Open it,” Ali prompts. 

 

When Ashlyn opens the box, she’s blown away by the beauty inside. Nestled safely in the middle of the box is an ebony wood watch with an iron casing and dial. The style and face are simple and classic which allows for the natural beauty of the dark wood and metal stand out. She gently takes the watch into her hands and turns it over to find yet another inscription. 

 

_ Time flies when it’s with you. Happy 15 years. -Alex _

 

Ashlyn lets out a laugh at the cheesy joke and tears her eyes away from the watch to look at her wife. “Really, Al?” 

 

Ali shrugs. “I thought it was funny. Do you like it?” 

 

“I love it. It’s absolutely gorgeous.” She carefully secures the watch on her wrist and moves her arm a little to get a good look at it. “Man, this kinda blows my present out of the water.” 

 

“I’m sure I’ll love it,” Ali replies as Ashlyn rummages through her suitcase and produces a slightly smaller box than the one Ali had given her. 

 

In keeping with tradition for the fifteen year anniversary, Ali’s gift is also a watch. Hers has a more traditional grey leather band with a rose gold case and grey face. Around the case are a few grey Swarovski crystals that slide around the perimeter as the watch is moved. It’s stunning and Ali knows it’ll become a staple for her. She too slips it onto her wrist before pulling Ashlyn in for a kiss. “It’s perfect,” she says, kissing Ashlyn again. 

 

This time, it’s Ali who stops things before they can get too carried away and the pair makes their way out of the hotel and hails a cab to take them to the restaurant. Dinner is as delicious and romantic as they expected and although they enjoy it immensely, both women are excited when they finally get back to their room. 

 

Back at the room, Ali has yet another surprise for Ashlyn in the form of her black lace bra and thong set. Even after seventeen years together, fifteen of which have been spent married, Ashlyn still makes a show of clutching at her chest when she sees Ali in the lingerie set. “Jesus, Alex, you’re gorgeous and I’m so lucky you’re mine.”

 

“Don’t you forget it,” Ali replies, smirking as she straddles Ashlyn’s lap. 

 

They take so much time building themselves up that by the time Ashlyn actually touches Ali, both of them are about ready to come undone. They get their fill over and over again before they finally collapse next to each other on the bed, falling asleep almost immediately. 

 

In the morning, they’re both still too exhausted and sore to justify getting out of bed so they order room service. The debate on who has to go get the door is intense and finally, after an unbelievably competitive game of rock-paper-scissors, Ashlyn is victorious and watches in delight as Ali throws on clothes to get their food. They split almost everything on the tray and really take the time to savor their brunch. As soon as they’re finished, however, all bets are off as they look to continue their anniversary celebrations. 

 

This time, their movements are a little rushed and things escalate in no time. So much of this trip has been about savoring their time together and worshipping one another’s bodies in a way they don’t always get to do at home. At the moment, however, both women only have one thing on their minds. Ashlyn is trailing kisses down Ali’s torso and ready to settle herself in between her wife’s legs when they’re interrupted by the sound of Ali’s phone going off. 

 

“If you answer that, I swear to God,” Ashlyn warns. 

 

“It’s my mom,” Ali replies, checking the caller ID. 

 

“I don’t give a fuck who it is, I want to eat you out until you forget your own damn name.” 

 

“Ash,” Ali says gently. “We told them to only call if it’s important.” She doesn’t wait for Ashlyn to respond before accepting the call and putting it on speakerphone. 

 

“I’m going to preface this by saying that everyone is fine,” Deb begins and already Ali has a sinking feeling in her stomach. 

 

“What happened?” Ashlyn asks, no longer annoyed about the interruption. 

 

“Well, my darling granddaughter decided to have a party last night,” Deb replies. “Your dad and I called her to see if they were okay and none of them answered so we came over to check on them to find a bunch of cars in the driveway and about twenty of her friends at the house.” 

 

“She did what?” Ali asks incredulously. In all of her seventeen years of life, Maddie has never given them a reason not to trust her which is one of the only reasons they felt comfortable enough to leave the kids at home rather than having them stay with family. 

 

“We cleared out the party pretty quickly but some of the kids were drunk and needed to be taken home. Maddie didn’t appear to be drinking but obviously she’s still in some pretty serious trouble. Once we got everyone out of here, Dad and I stayed with the kids last night and woke them up early this morning to clean the house. I just wanted to give you a heads up before setting you two loose on them.” 

 

“Thanks for telling us,” Ali replies. “Give us five minutes to discuss what we’re gonna do and we’ll call you back to talk to them, okay?” 

 

Once they hand up the phone, they both jump out of bed to get dressed while discussing the best course of action. There’s no way in hell they’re ending their vacation early so they decide to have the kids spend the rest of the week with Ali’s parents. When they’re ready, they make a video call to Deb and are greeted by their terrified children sitting at the kitchen table. 

 

“Guys, let me explain,” Maddie tries. 

 

“What explanation on earth could possibly help you out here?” Ashlyn questions. “Did you or did you not have a bunch of friends over?”

 

“I did but I didn’t mean for it to be that many,” Maddie answers. “I only invited Avery, Zoe, Sofia, and Cass because we’re going away to school soon and we didn’t know when we could all hang out again and then they suggested we invite a few more people and it just got out of hand.” 

 

“Were any of you drinking?” Ali asks. 

 

“Some of them were but I wasn’t, I swear.” 

 

“Funny enough, I’m not too inclined to believe you right now,” Ali says. “Mama and I are on vacation so we’ll finish discussing this when we get home but you are grounded for a month and you’ll spend the rest of the week at grandma and grandpa’s because we clearly can’t trust you to be home alone.” 

 

“What about my friends’ graduation parties?” 

 

“Mom and I will discuss what to do about those but for now, don’t plan on attending,” Ashlyn answers. 

 

“But that’s not fair,” Maddie protests. “I won’t be able to see any of them once I go away to school.” 

 

“Sorry, kid, you broke the rules.” 

 

Now, Ali turns her attention to their two youngest kids. “Did you two know about the party?” 

 

Both Emmett and Olivia shake their heads. 

 

“I knew she was having friends over but I didn’t know how many until they got here,” Emmett replies. 

 

“And once they got there, did you contact grandma and grandpa to tell them what was happening?” 

 

They shake their heads again. 

 

“She gave us ten bucks not to tell,” Olivia says. As soon as the words are out of her mouth, Maddie drops her head down onto the table and groans. “Sorry,” Olivia whispers. 

 

Ashlyn takes a deep breath, stopping herself from fully losing it on Maddie. “Madeline, you are so fucking lucky you’re moving away to school and we can’t ground you any longer than we already have,” she says. “But now that we know that you bribed your brother and sister to be quiet, you’ll be doing extra chores around the house while you’re grounded. As for you two, Emmett and Olivia, you’re both grounded for two weeks.” 

 

“But we didn’t do anything wrong,” Emmett protests. 

 

“You had the choice to do the right thing and speak up or do the wrong thing and keep quiet and you picked the wrong thing,” Ali explains. “We are very, very disappointed in all three of you. Here we thought we had trustworthy kids and that we could do something special for our anniversary without worrying about what’s going on at home but it turns out we were wrong and we should’ve stayed home. Now we’re going to enjoy what’s left of our trip and we’ll see you in a few days.”

 

Ashlyn nods her agreement. “You guys have no idea how disappointing this is. Mom and I brag about you all the time. We tell people what great kids we have and that we're proud to have a good, open relationship with you guys and that we never really have to worry about you because we know you're all good people who make good choices. This type of behavior is not what we’ve come to expect out of you. You’re going home with grandma and grandpa and let me tell you, we better hear that you're angels. If they need help around the house or in the yard, you're gonna do it without complaint, understand?”

 

All three kids nod. 

 

“I’m really, really sorry,” Maddie says. “I didn’t mean for it to happen like it did.” 

 

“Whether you intended to have a party or not is beyond the point,” Ali begins, “the point is that you didn’t try to stop it. You didn’t tell your friends that you couldn’t invite more people and, presumably, you didn’t try to stop them from drinking once they were there.” 

 

“You let me have wine sometimes,” Maddie replies, borderline indignant at this point. 

 

“Yes,” Ashlyn agrees. “We let you have a glass of wine with dinner sometimes because you’re Ali junior. But that doesn’t mean you can have a party while we’re not there and let everyone get drunk. We know that you know we would never allow that and that’s why we’re so disappointed. We’ll see you in a few days. Love you.” 

 

“Love you too,” the kids all mutter.

 

“I can’t fucking believe her,” Ashlyn says once they end the call. “She knows we’re pretty relaxed about that kind of stuff when we’re home to keep an eye on them so for her to take advantage of that when we’re not home is truly unbelievable.”  

 

“It’s ridiculous,” Ali agrees. “I’ve never seen you that tough with her.” 

 

“We’ve never needed to be that tough with her and that’s why I’m so fucking pissed. I know this is a thing that a lot of teens do but she’s better than that and we know it and she knows it.” 

 

Ali cups Ashlyn’s cheek in her hand. “I know, baby, I get it.” She leans forward and presses a gentle kiss to Ashlyn’s lips in an attempt to calm her down. “So, uh, did you still want to--what did you say--eat me out until I forget my own damn name? I was kinda looking forward to that.” 

 

“No, I’m too mad.” 

 

Ali shrugs. “Use it at fuel. You know we both like it when we get a little rough so it could be really hot.” 

 

“How are you so calm about this?”

 

“Trust me, I’m just as mad as you are but I’m not going to let it ruin the rest of our trip. My anger is on hold until we get back home and can deal with our darling daughter in person. Besides, kids screw up and we’ve been pretty lucky so far so I’m just trying to keep perspective that, overall, we still have damn good kids.” 

 

Ashlyn lets out a heavy sigh, expelling her anger. “Okay, fine, you’re right. We better make the most of these last few days because we won’t know peace for as long as the kids are grounded and stuck at home with us.”

 

“That’s the spirit,” Ali teases. 

 

They certainly make the most of their trip and when they return home, they switch right back into angry mom mode, though their anger has been slightly tempered after a few days to cool off. As soon as they get home, they sit together as a family and discuss the terms of the kids’ punishments. By now, all three of them are resigned to the fact that they’re in deep trouble so they don’t risk making things worse by arguing against their punishments. 

 

Ali and Ashlyn are still on European time so they head to bed earlier than normal that night, curling up together in their spacious bed. 

 

“It’s good to be home,” Ali says. 

 

“As much as I loved our time away from our hellions, it’s always nice to come home. I can’t stay mad at them for too long.” 

 

“Neither can I. They definitely messed up here but I still think we’re pretty damn lucky. And now we’ll have extra family time before Maddie moves because they’re all grounded.” 

 

“I have a feeling we’ll even start wishing they weren’t grounded after a few days,” Ashlyn laughs. 

 

“Probably but then when Maddie moves we’ll be wishing for these days again so we might as well make the most of them.” 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this just before I started bar liar and then completely forgot about it ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ but it worked out because today marks one year since I posted the final chapter of the main fic so it seemed like the perfect time to revisit this universe :) 
> 
> if you're still interested in this universe (I hope you are because I still love it) and have ideas for it let me know and I'll see what I can do


	15. vow renewal

  
  


The older the kids get, the faster the years seem to fly by. Between the kids moving around for school and finding their place in the world and their aging parents starting to deal with health problems, it never seems to be the right time to plan a vow renewal. As their 30th anniversary approaches, however, they finally decide there’s no better time than the present. They both agree that 30 years is such a big milestone that it deserves a massive celebration in the form of a vow renewal. 

 

After completing undergrad at Cal, Maddie moved closer to home for grad school and now works at an adoption agency in Melbourne. She and her husband Liam always planned on adopting one day and when a case file for two siblings who were taken away from their birth mother for drug use and who had no other family showed up on her desk two years ago, she felt such an unexplained connection to them that she called Liam on her lunch hour to ask how he’d feel about becoming a family of four. Ben and Kyla, now five and two and a half, respectively, turned their world upside down quite literally overnight and the family hasn’t looked back since.  

 

Emmett, meanwhile, works in sales in Orlando where he lives with his wife Cassandra and their six month old daughter Charlotte. Unlike his big sister, he didn’t know what he wanted to do for a long time but with encouragement from his family, he learned to put his charm to good use and is always working his way up the ladder. He’s not nearly as passionate about his job as Maddie is about her career but it’s something he’s genuinely good at and he enjoys the people he works with (most of them, at least) and he makes decent money so he’s more than content. 

 

After their senior year of high school, Olivia and Grace temporarily went their separate ways. While Olivia headed to the University of Florida (much to Ali’s delight) to pursue her dream of becoming a physical therapist, Grace elected to attend community college for two years. After exclusively dating each other all through high school, they agreed that if they were ever going to branch out and date other people, this was their opportunity. They remained friends but, more importantly, Grace stayed in contact with Ali and Ashlyn whenever she needed some motherly advice (which, as an 18 year old going through a breakup after four years was quite often). 

 

Somewhere along the way in dealing with the breakup, Grace started to have dinner with Ali and Ashlyn at their house every Friday night, during which they’d talk about everything going on in Grace’s life, including the breakup. They weren’t sure how to explain to Olivia that they were still close to her ex and before they could figure out how to explain the weekly dinners without it sounding like they were siding with Grace, Olivia decided to surprise them by coming home for the weekend one Friday night. When she walked in the door, she found both of her moms laughing with Grace at the dinner table. When Grace left for the evening after dinner, Ali and Ashlyn explained the situation and ever the caring soul, Olivia was happy to learn that they didn’t go back on that years old promise to be there for Grace whenever she needed some mom time. 

 

Funnily enough, Ali and Ashlyn struggled with the breakup more than Olivia and Grace so when they got back together over Thanksgiving break, they were the first people the newly reunited couple told. A year and a half removed from their breakup, Grace transferred to UF for their junior year and the couple got their first apartment together.  They have since moved closer to home and live in an apartment just five minutes away from Grace’s dad and ten from Ali and Ashlyn. They are in the midst of planning their own December wedding and although both are pretty burnt out on planning, they know how important this vow renewal is so they help as much as possible. 

 

Without any kids left at home and just their dog to take care of, they have nothing but time to plan the perfect vow renewal. They briefly consider having it at their original wedding venue with a casual reception to follow but they both agree that their original venue is far too formal for what they want. They want something simple and casual to celebrate with just their closest friends and family. In the end, they decide to have a short ceremony in their backyard followed by a catered dinner to celebrate in a casual and comfortable setting. 

 

The night before the ceremony, they have a family dinner night which, if Ashlyn is honest, means more to them than the rest of the weekend will. Though they’re lucky enough to have all three kids in state, family dinners don’t happen nearly as much as they would like so they soak up all the chances they get. There’s no better feeling in the world than spending time with her wife, kids, and grandkids. They are fortunate to have a tight-knit family and now that the kids are grown up, they’re more like friends. 

 

“So you’re sleeping in separate rooms tonight, right?” Emmett asks as the family sit around the kitchen table. Charlotte sleeps peacefully snuggled in Ashlyn’s arms while Ben and Kyla eat at a small table nearby. 

 

“Why would we do that?” Ashlyn asks. 

 

“It’s the night before your wedding.” 

 

“It’s not the night before our wedding, it’s the night before our 30th anniversary,” Ali says. 

 

“I think you should do it,” Olivia says. “One of you can sleep in Maddie’s old room.” 

 

“Not happening,” Ali says. “We hardly wanted to sleep in different rooms the night before our actual wedding let alone when we’ve been married this long. Besides, we’re far too old to sleep on the mattress in there. I wouldn’t be able to walk tomorrow.”

 

“I can’t even make fun of you guys for being old because I’m 25,” Olivia says. “Not to mention I’m getting married in December.” 

 

“We’re all old,” Maddie says. 

 

“So when are you two giving us grandbabies?” Ashlyn asks as she looks between Olivia and Grace. It’s a conversation they’ve had dozens of times already but it doesn’t hurt to ask again in the hope that the timetable has moved up a little. She and Ali have high hopes for grandkids numbering in the double digits. One of the benefits of their kids being so close is that they all want the same thing for their own families and plan on having a few kids of their own. “Grandma and Nana still have room in our arms for more.” 

 

“I have tons of room in my arms because you’re being a baby hog,” Ali says. She reaches over to gently take Charlotte from her wife. The baby stirs a little at the transfer but doesn’t wake up and settles right into Ali’s arms. Ali smiles as she gently strokes the baby’s soft chubby cheeks. 

 

“We’re just going to keep adding a year every time you ask. Right, babe?” Olivia says, turning to her fiancée. Currently, they plan on enjoying at least a year of marriage first which she has told both of her moms when they've asked but the more they keep asking, the more she wants to keep them waiting. They mean well but it has to stop coming up in almost every conversation. 

 

“Okay, okay,” Ashlyn relents. “No more, promise.” 

 

“It’s a good thing you have room for more,” Maddie says, getting the attention of all the adults in the room. All eyes are on her as she takes Liam’s hand and shares a quick look with him. “We wanted to wait until after tomorrow but while we’re on the topic…” 

 

“Spit it out,” Ashlyn says. 

 

“I’m pregnant,” she says with a big smile, one that is matched by Ali across the table. 

 

“I knew it,” Ali says. “You’re like me, that’s the only way you’d turn down wine with dinner.” 

 

Everyone has a million questions for Maddie, who answers them all with ease. The entire family is thrilled to have a new addition, no one more than Olivia and Grace, who now know it’ll be a long while before Ali and Ashlyn start bothering them about kids again. 

 

“So are you excited for tomorrow?” Grace asks from her place next to Olivia once everyone settles down. 

 

“We can’t wait,” Ali grins. “We always say that we’d do it all again so we’re finally making good on that. But I just love that we get to share it with all of you.” 

 

The entire family continues to chat throughout dinner before they decide to play a board game while the Ben and Kyla play out in the living room and Charlotte sleeps in Emmett’s old room upstairs. As with everything in the family, the game gets a little too competitive and by the end of it, there are more than a few bruised egos. Emmett decides that since he won, he should be the first to get food tomorrow evening. 

 

“Fair enough,” Ashlyn says. “Mom and I are gonna go to bed.” 

 

“Yeah, I think we’re gonna head home and get the kids to bed. Though, honestly, I might be more exhausted than them,” Maddie says. “We’ll be back early tomorrow to help get everything ready. Want us to stop and get coffee for the blushing brides?” 

 

“That’d be great,” Ali grins as she and Ashlyn take turns hugging Maddie, Liam, and the kids. “See you in the morning. And congratulations again.” 

 

As they get ready for bed, Ali can’t quite control her excitement. She would marry Ashlyn again every single day if she could so she can’t think of a better way to celebrate such a monumental anniversary. As Ashlyn strips down to underwear and a t-shirt for bed, Ali sneaks up behind her and wraps her arms around her waist from behind. “Can you believe it’s been 30 years already?” 

 

Ashlyn turns to face Ali, grinning at her wife. “No, I really can’t believe it. It feels like just yesterday I had trouble falling asleep being separated from you and Maddie.” 

 

“She was the cutest little flower girl and now her daughter is our flower girl tomorrow. Our baby girl is all grown up.” 

 

“They’re all grown up,” Ashlyn says. “I mean, Maddie is married and about to have another baby, Em is married with a daughter, and Livy is getting married later this year.”

 

“All of which means that after 32 years, we finally have the house to ourselves most of the time. I know that we kind of looked forward to this when the kids were little and driving us crazy bickering and getting into stuff but I miss those days now. I mean, we don’t even need a house this big anymore.”

 

Ashlyn takes Ali’s hand and leads her to bed where they settle in curled up in each other’s arms. “Do you think we should downsize soon?” 

 

“Maybe not soon soon but it’s definitely something we should consider within the next few years. We’ll still be working for a while and if we downsize, we can save more for retirement.” 

 

“It is nice to have space for when everyone comes over, though, and we have so many memories here,” Ashlyn reasons. “Anyway, as much as we need to have this conversation soon, this isn’t exactly how I imagined spending tonight,” she says as starts lightly trailing her fingers up and down Ali’s arms. “Hey, it’s officially our anniversary,” she notes as she checks her watch and finds that it’s after midnight. 

 

Ali’s lips curl into a smile as she kisses her wife. “Happy 30 years, babe.” 

 

“Happy anniversary,” Ashlyn grins. “And here’s to the next 30.” 

 

~

 

Ashlyn awakes the next morning not to gentle kisses from Ali, as she expected, but to Maddie breezing through the door with two cups of coffee from their favorite local cafe in her hands. 

 

“Step one: coffee and Liam is making breakfast in the kitchen,” Maddie begins before realizing that her parents seemingly have nothing on underneath the sheets. “Okay, new step one: I’ll take the coffee back downstairs while you two kids put clothes on.” 

 

“Leave the coffee,” Ali mumbles, lifting her head slightly from its position against Ashlyn’s shoulder to face their daughter. 

 

“You have five minutes,” Maddie says as she sets the coffee down. She turns on her heel and walks out the door, leaving two still sleepy but thoroughly amused moms behind her. 

 

“Remind me again why we put miss type A in charge today?” Ashlyn grumbles. “A drill sergeant wouldn’t be as demanding as she is. That was not the peaceful wake up I hoped for today.”

 

After they get dressed, they sit side by side at the edge of the bed and slowly drink their coffee. They must take more than their allotted five minutes because after a while, Maddie pokes her head in the door with Ben and Kyla in tow. 

 

“Wanted to make sure you were dressed before I stuck the kids on you,” she says. She opens the door all the way and steps aside to let the kids through. “Go get them and tell them breakfast is ready.” 

 

“Nana, Grandma, breakfast is ready,” Ben says as he runs into the room with his little sister following close behind. He jumps on their bed but Kyla is still a little too small to climb up herself so Ali reaches down to help her. “Mommy said you need to get a move on because we have a busy day,” Ben continues. 

 

“Okay, okay, we’re coming,” Ashlyn laughs. “Did you, Kyla, and Charlotte make us breakfast this morning?” 

 

“Nana,” Ben begins, exasperation clear in her voice as they start making their way downstairs, “you know I’m just a little kid. I don’t know how to make breakfast.”

 

“Silly Nana,” Ali teases. 

 

“Silly Nana,” Kyla repeats. 

 

When they finally make it downstairs, they find the rest of the family already seated at the table. It’s not too surprising to find Emmett and Cassie there, since they stayed the night instead of driving back to Orlando, but it is a little early for Olivia and Grace to be over. Ali knows it must be Maddie’s doing, likely to put everyone to work as soon as breakfast is over. Sure enough, the dishes aren’t even clear yet before Maddie starts going over the plan for the day. 

 

“Mads, it’s not even starting until this afternoon and it’s supposed to be super chill,” Olivia protests. “Can you relax for like five minutes, please?” 

 

“I know but it makes me feel better to have a plan.” 

 

“You know there’s no stopping her when she’s like this so we might as well go along,” Emmett says. 

 

Olivia shrugs and resigns herself to listening to Maddie’s itinerary for the day. It’s pretty simple as the event will be lowkey, and largely hinges on the table and chair rental delivery. The first order of business is to send Ali and Ashlyn for a couples’ massage, which they gladly accept. 

 

“Our 30th anniversary,” Ashlyn muses as she drives to their massage appointment. She gently strokes Ali’s hand with her thumb, paying special attention to the well worn wedding ring that adorns Ali’s finger. 

 

“Wild, huh? I can’t believe it’s already been that long. It feels like yesterday. Sometimes it feels like we should still be 17 years old and hiding our feelings for each other. Now we’ve got grandkid number four on the way.”

 

“I can’t wait,” Ashlyn grins. “Though I was surprised to hear that they were trying. Whenever she’s talked about it before, it always sounded like they just wanted to adopt.” 

 

“Nothing surprises me anymore after you volunteered to carry Liv.” 

 

“Sometimes when I think back, it doesn’t even feel like I did it. It feels natural that you would’ve carried all our kids so I don’t even really think twice when I assume it was you. Then I see a picture or something from that time and it hits me all over again. Like, I did that. I made her with my body.”

 

“It’s the weirdest but best feeling, isn’t it?” Ali says. “I couldn’t believe when you offered to carry.”  

 

Ashlyn shrugs and sneaks a quick glance at Ali as they come to a stoplight. “I did what I had to do. Trying for so long was taking such an emotional toll on you and we both wanted another baby so I didn’t really question it, I just went with my instincts. Even though I never really wanted to be pregnant, my instincts told me it right and I went with it. f you needed, I would’ve done it again because I’d do anything for you and our family.” 

 

“Well I’m glad you listened to your instincts because we got Liv and now Grace is part of the family because of her.” 

 

“Lucky us,” Ashlyn grins. 

 

~

 

The couples’ massage is as relaxing as advertised. A few times, Ashlyn can hear little contented moans and sighs from her place on the other massage table and part of her desperately wishes they didn’t have a house full of people coming over this afternoon. The massages are over far too quickly and when they arrive back home, nearly everything is ready for the afternoon and evening. All that’s left is for everyone to get dressed. 

 

Even after so many years together, they still like dressing up for one another so Ali takes their bedroom to get ready with Olivia and Grace while Ashlyn takes Maddie’s old room with Maddie. Emmett, meanwhile, gets ready in his old room. 

 

Ali spent almost as much time searching for the perfect vow renewal dress as she spent looking for a wedding dress 30 years ago. The event itself is fairly casual so she couldn’t get anything too formal but she also didn’t want to wear a dress she would wear any day of the week. After a lot of searching, she settled on an ivory tank sheath dress with a lace overlay that falls to her knees. Once Olivia and Grace are done helping her with her hair and makeup, they help zip her into the dress. 

 

“Damn, Mom, I hope I look this good when I’m your age.” Olivia compliments when she sees the finished product. Both of her moms are still active so Ali’s arms are still toned and the dress hugs her in all the right ways. 

 

“Have you seen your mama? You’re gonna be just fine.”

 

“Lucky me,” Grace smiles with a look at her fiancée. “This just makes me even more excited to see you in your wedding dress.” 

 

“It’s so pretty, you’ll love it.” Ali says. Since both Olivia and Grace plan on wearing wedding dresses, they wanted to make sure they wouldn’t clash. To accomplish this, they went to the same store at the same time to pick them out with the help of Ali and Ashlyn, Maddie, Grace’s sister, and Cassie. They came out of their dressing rooms at alternating times so they wouldn’t see each other and trusted the family when they said they found the right combination of dresses. 

 

“Good thing we didn’t pick bridesmaid dresses yet or Maddie would have to get a new one. She’s going to be, like, eight months pregnant.” 

 

“Speaking of my wonderful grandbabies, where are the kids?” 

 

“Maddie actually just texted me that everyone is ready in the backyard. They’re just waiting for us.” 

 

“Let’s get down there, then,” Ali smiles. 

 

The three women make their way downstairs together with Ali stopping in the family room while Olivia and Grace continue outside to make sure everyone is ready. Ali sneaks a peek through the window at Ashlyn in her navy suit with a white shirt that’s unbuttoned at the top. Her short hair is perfectly styled and she smiles as their kids and grandkids take the front row of chairs set up in a half circle around where she stands. Things have changed a lot in the last 30 years, including themselves. They’re long passed the days of their youth and although their bodies are slowly showing signs of age, Ali thinks Ashlyn is as stunning as she was on this day 30 years ago. 

 

A soft string cover of one of their original wedding songs begins playing from a speaker somewhere and Ali takes her cue to walk outside. There’s a short aisle for her to walk down and she finds herself transported back in time as she matches the goofy grin on Ashlyn’s face. As on this day all those years ago, Maddie is sitting front and center and Ali briefly pauses to give her hand a squeeze on the way by. Kyla sits on on Maddie’s lap and Ben sits sandwiched between both of his parents. On the other side of the makeshift aisle are Emmett and his family next to Olivia and Grace. There’s more love than Ali ever thought possible in their ever expanding family and Ali doesn’t think she’s ever been this happy. 

 

She finally makes her way to Ashlyn and takes both of her wife’s hands in her own. She stares into Ashlyn’s eyes, feeling so much love radiating off of her that it knocks her speechless. 

 

“You’re even more beautiful now than 30 years ago,” Ashlyn says with unshed tears sparking in her eyes. 

 

Kyle stands with them as their ‘officiant’, though since the ceremony isn’t official, he’s really just up there to talk. He gives a short speech about the love Ali and Ashlyn have shared since they were kids and how it was a model for him in his own search for love, a long, winding road that led him to his husband and their two kids. When he’s done with his short speech, he turns to Ashlyn to give her new vows. 

 

“Alex, I said in my original vows that I fell in love with you the first day we met and that I loved you a little more every day since. Well, I’m happy to say that it’s still true. My love for you and our family is limitless and I can’t imagine where I would be without you. It has been such a joy raising our family together. It wasn’t always easy and I still can’t believe our babies are old enough to have babies of their own but I’m glad that we now get to enjoy our role as grandparents and spoil them together. No matter what life throws at us, I will always be by your side. I love you and I am still so proud to call you my wife.” 

 

Ali can’t help but lean forward and sneak a quick kiss, both her and Ashlyn smiling into it. 

 

“Hey, I didn’t say you could do that yet,” Kyle protests. 

 

“I think we’ve earned the right to kiss whenever we want,” Ali laughs as they pull apart. She takes a moment to compose herself before beginning her own vows. “Ash, you are the best wife and mother to our kids that I ever could have imagined. Not many people know from the moment they begin a relationship that they’ll still be together this many years later but I always knew. I knew even before we got together that if we ever took that leap, we would make it here someday. You are the most beautiful person I’ve ever known, inside and out, and I love you more than words could ever express.” 

 

“Okay, now you can kiss,” Kyle says. 

 

Ashlyn grins as she takes Ali’s face in her hands and pulls her in for a slow kiss. They keep it pretty chaste considering their audience but Ashlyn still feels lightheaded as they pull apart. No matter how long they’ve been together or how many kisses they’ve shared, Ali still has that effect on her. “Love you,” she says, resting her forehead against her wife’s. 

 

“You’re okay,” Ali teases, eliciting a laugh from Ashlyn. “Kidding. You know I love you more than anything.”

 

Instead of walking back down the aisle together as they would if it was a real wedding ceremony, they simply gather the family to take some quick photos while the caterers get everything set for dinner. It’s been a while since they’ve taken photos of the entire family so Ali and Ashlyn make sure they get ones good enough to frame. 

 

Dinner consists of comfort foods and after everyone gets their fill on fried chicken, mashed potatoes, mac and cheese, and corn, Maddie starts a playlist on her phone for everyone to dance. In planning the evening, they didn’t really plan on doing a first dance again but when Maddie starts playing a song that she knows is special to them, they take the hint and get in the center of everyone. Wrapped in Ashlyn’s arms as they move to the music, Ali feels as safe and content as she’s ever felt. “Thanks for doing life with me. I love you.” 

 

“And you always say I’m the soft one,” Ashlyn teases. She smiles as she presses a kiss to Ali’s forehead. Ali’s eyes flutter closed at the gentle touch and she moves to rest her head against Ashlyn’s shoulder. “Love you, baby.” 

 

Neither says anything more as they soak up the moment together. Truthfully, Ashlyn is so wrapped up in Ali that she forgets they’re surrounded by their friends and family. They’re quickly pulled back to earth, however, as the next song begins and Ben and Kyla ask them to dance. Ashlyn takes Charlotte from Emmett and she and Ali get in a circle with Ben and Kyla. The adults have just as much fun as the kids and Ben even tries to teach them the new dance craze that’s going around his school but neither Ali nor Ashlyn can master it. 

 

“No, Nana, Grandma not like that,” he says, exasperated. “Like this.” He tries to show them again and even Kyla can get the general moves down, though not the speed at which her brother moves, while Ali and Ashlyn just look at each other and laugh at themselves for not being able to figure out something so simple. 

 

“I think we have to leave that to you kids,” Ali finally says. She smiles as she slides an arm Ashlyn’s shoulders and begins rubbing small circles on her back as Ben and Kyla continue dancing together. She looks around at her family and closest friends and sighs contentedly. “Quite the life we built.” 

 

Ashlyn grins as she presses a kiss to Ali’s temple. “I couldn’t imagine anything better.” 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> surprise! did you miss me? ;) thanks to silverlight17 for requesting an addition to this fic, which reminded me that I had part of this one written already. 
> 
> I miss writing but I haven't had any compelling ideas recently and I'm about to start grad school so I'll be short on time. But just know that if I come up with something, I won't be able to help myself. In the meantime, if you have any suggestions for a new story, I'd love to hear them. And if you have any questions about this fic feel free to ask since this will more than likely be the last installment.


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